One of the members of Last Tango in Halifax Super Fan Club had the brilliant idea of asking fans to continue the scene from Caroline and Gillian’s evening at the Hebden Women’s Disco. Here’s my version of the story. Happy reading!
The full list of this Last Tango in Halifax fan fic episodes can be found in Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction.
HEBDEN WOMEN’S DISCO. EVENING.
Gillian and Caroline are at
Hebden Women’s Disco drinking and people watching.
Bloody hell, that’s Raff’s infant school teacher!
Mrs...Oh, er...Thing.
GILLIAN recognizes
another familiar face.
And she works in the chop shop on Ripponden! And that’s Raff’s primary school headteacher, Mrs. Wilson. Jesus, they’re everywhere.
GILLIAN starts to wave.
Don’t do that!
She’s waving at me. I’m just being polite.
MRS. WILSON a vivacious
middle-aged woman starts making her way to GILLIAN and CAROLINE’s table.
Oh God. Now look what you’ve done.
You’re a headteacher. She’s a headteacher.
You two could hit it off! You can thank me later.
CAROLINE glares at GILLIAN.
Think of all the headteacher stuff you can talk about.
Uniforms, curriculum, curricula? Inspectorate reports.
What do headteachers talk about?
CAROLINE’s starting to
smile. “The Hustle” starts to play, and
bubbly, free-spirited MRS. WILSON “Hustles” her way towards them.
Jesus [Christ] - !
This could be fun! When was the last time you had fun?
CAROLINE and GILLIAN
burst out laughing. MRS. WILSON makes
one last gyration before finally arriving at CAROLINE and GILLIAN’s table.
Fancy meeting you here, Gillian.
Mrs. Wilson...
Oh call me Barb! And you are...
MRS. WILSON looks
adoringly at CAROLINE.
I’m Caroline. How d’you do?
Just smashing! How d’you two know each other?
Caroline is my stepsister.
Oh is she? I thought you two are together.
CAROLINE and GILLIAN
guffaw.
That would be incestuous. Wouldn’t it?
I would believe so. But you’re not the first one to make that mistake, Mrs...,er...Barb.
The three of them
laugh.
I thought it’s a half-brother you’ve got.
Oh, you know about that?
It was in the Courier.
Right. Yeah, I have a half-brother. Caroline’s my stepmother’s daughter. Incidentally, our Caroline is a headteacher as well.
You’re kidding!
“Night Fever” starts to
play. MRS. WILSON knows all the steps, and starts dancing.
Caroline, come dance with me.
Noooooo.
CAROLINE giggles.
You can’t go to a disco and not dance. It’s kind of...voyeuristic.
Go on, Caroline. Dance with her.
No. I’d make a fool of myself.
Be bold, and mighty forces will come to your aid.
Blimey. She’s quoting Basil King.
You’re spending too much time with me.
Basil King? It’s from Almost Famous.
Caroline, you’re breaking my heart.
Is that from something?
No, it’s a Barb original. Please dance with me.
I don’t want to be uncharitable.
(A moment of consideration not wanting to displease Mrs. Wilson, but her fear of embarrassment prevails.)
You’re such a fantastic dancer. You can dance for the three of us.
CAROLINE gives her an
ingratiating smile.
I do love to dance. I’m glad they still play disco music here.
Not that I mind dancing to Lizzo.
Liz who?
You’re funny.
CAROLINE looks at her
blankly.
You really haven’t heard of Lizzo?
MRS. WILSON starts to
sing and dance to Lizzo’s Good As Hell. CAROLINE and GILLIAN watch with
amusement.
I do my hair toss, check my nails, baby how you feelin'?
Feeling good as hell...Hair toss...
MRS. WILSON takes a
step back tosses her hair. She bumps into a waiter carrying a cake with sparklers.
CAROLINE’s more into The Queen of Sheba.
Arrival of The Queen of Sheba. And that’s me mum, not me!
CAROLINE and GILLIAN
resume watching MRS. WILSON.
Oh, shit! Your hair’s on fire!
No shit! I’m on fire tonight!
MRS. WILSON continues
dancing.
No, your hair’s on fire!
Someone at the next
table shrieks. MRS. WILSON just now realizes her hair is on fire.
Gillian! Dial 999 now!
Someone throws a glass
of water at MRS. WILSON, but it does nothing other than get her wet. CAROLINE
tackles a panicked MRS. WILSON to the ground. Smothers MRS. WILSON’s head with
her wool scarf, and rolls her over and over smothering the flames. GILLIAN stands over CAROLINE and the dazed MRS.
WILSON.
Are you all right? The ambulance is on its way. It’s coming.
CAROLINE gets up and
helps MRS. WILSON up the floor. CAROLINE winces as she realizes she burned her
hand.
You saved my life.
No, just your hair. Well, most of it.
Did I tell you she’s a doctor too?
Doctor of Philosophy. You pillo...
MRS. WILSON gives CAROLINE a big wet kiss on the mouth. The ladies in the Hebden Women’s Disco applaud. An attractive pair of paramedics arrives. One you could easily mistake for strippers; a detail not lost on GILLIAN.
Who rang an ambulance?
GILLIAN raises her hand
with more enthusiasm than she intended.
I did!
GILLIAN realizes the
prepossessing MALE PARAMEDIC is walking towards her. She wishes she has an
injury to show him.
Oh, I’m not the patient. It’s her.
GILLIAN points at MRS.
WILSON. The MALE PARAMEDIC and the FEMALE PARAMEDIC make their way to MRS.
WILSON.
How are you feeling, love?
Not A-one.
What’s your name?
Barb.
Barb, is it okay if we take a look at you?
MRS. WILSON nods. Both
paramedics examine Mrs. Wilson’s injuries.
Caroline burned her hand saving me.
Who’s CAROLINE?
MRS. WILSON points at CAROLINE.
The FEMALE PARAMEDIC goes to her.
Are you Caroline?
Yes.
Let’s take a look at your hands.
The FEMALE PARAMEDIC
assesses CAROLINE’s injuries.
We’ll need to take off your ring. Is that okay, love?
CAROLINE hesitates
slightly as the FEMALE PARAMEDIC gingerly removes her wedding ring. She takes comfort in the FEMALE PARAMEDIC’s
care and compassion.
It will just be until your wounds heal. I’m sure your wife won’t mind.
The FEMALE PARAMEDIC
hands CAROLINE’s wedding ring to GILLIAN.
Oh, I’m not her wife. I’m her stepsister.
My wife’s dead.
The FEMALE PARAMEDIC
looks at her full of empathy, sympathetic even.
I’m so sorry for your loss.
Me too (pensive)...How is she? Barb.
She’s still in shock, and she has some full-thickness burns
I helped put out the flames.
She’s being modest. Fast-acting Caroline single-handedly smothered the flames with her scarf, and rolled Barb over and over until the flames were extinguished.
Fast-acting. I sound like an antacid.
The FEMALE PARAMEDIC
laughs as she dresses CAROLINE’s injury.
Good presence of mind, Caroline.
Yeah, how did you know what to do?
It’s in one of the workshop sessions at the last headteacher conference.
CAROLINE and GILLIAN bubble with mirth at the recollection of their earlier conversation about headteachers.
Read continuation in the next Last Tango in Halifax fan fiction episode: Gillian and Caroline Go to Hebden Women’s Disco – Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction 1.2
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