Wednesday, December 14, 2022

Gillian and Caroline Go to Hebden Women’s Disco – Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction 1.5

For context please be sure to read the previous chapter, Gillian and Caroline Go to Hebden Women’s Disco – Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction 1.4

The full list of this Last Tango in Halifax fan fic episodes can be found in Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction.

RESTAURANT. EARLY EVENING.

Caroline and Gillian arrive at the restaurant. They look around and see Charlie and Mike at the bar.

GILLIAN
God, they look even more gorgeous without their ugly Hi Vis uniform.

CAROLINE
They’re ravishing! They haven’t seen us. We can still make a run for it. (she moves towards the door)

GILLIAN
Hell no! Come back here. (she pulls Caroline back)

Charlie is discreetly fending off a man. Mike watches them, ready to intervene if necessary. Charlie sees Caroline and Gillian. Mike downs his hard drink. He and Charlie make their way to Gillian and Caroline.

CAROLINE
Hi.

GILLIAN (to Mike and Charlie
You’re here!

MIKE
Yep.

GILLIAN
We’re glad you’re having dinner with us.

CHARLIE
I’m mad fer it!

HOSTESS
Hi! (she looks at Caroline and Gillian then at Charlie and Mike) Do you have reservations?

Caroline thinks “Yes, a lot of reservations.”

CAROLINE
Yes...but we’re altogether. (she gestures Charlie and Mike are with her and Gillian) Table for four under Caroline Mackenzie-Dawson.

HOSTESS
Mackenzie-Dawson...great, I see your reservation. Please follow me.

Caroline follows the hostess. She takes a seat at their assigned table. Gillian sits next to her. Charlie takes the seat across from Caroline, and Mike sits beside her.

HOSTESS
Here are the menus.

CAROLINE
Thank you.

HOSTESS
The server will be right with you.

The hostess leaves. Gillian couldn’t take her eyes off Mike, while Caroline could barely look at Charlie. Caroline busies herself reviewing the menu. Gillian then observes Caroline’s unlikely to engage, and breaks the ice.

GILLIAN
Charlie and Mike, Caroline and I have had our fair share of emergencies, but it’s only now we’ve encountered you two.

CHARLIE
Oh, we just moved here eight…nine weeks ago. (she looks at Mike for verification)

MIKE
Eight for me. Nine for you.

CHARLIE
Oh, yeah that’s right.

CAROLINE
Where were you before?

CHARLIE
Manchester. We both are from Manchester.

GILLIAN
You both knew each other before you came here?

MIKE
Yeah! Charlie and I have been pals since infant school.

CAROLINE
Oh? That’s cute.

The waiter arrives and stands by Charlie and Caroline’s side of the table.

WAITER
Are you ready to order?

Charlie looks at Caroline.

CHARLIE
I’m ready.

Caroline looks at Charlie.

CAROLINE
I need a little more time.

ALAN & CELIA’S HOUSE, LIVING ROOM. EVENING.

Alan and Celia are in their living room watching telly.

ALAN
Is Flora staying the night with us?

CELIA
Yes, because Caroline’s on a date with the bloke she met at the wedding.

ALAN
I know. Gillian’s gone with her.

CELIA
Has she? He probably has a brother then.

ALAN
Who?

CELIA
Charlie. Caroline’s date.

RESTAURANT. EVENING.

Caroline is warming up to present company. All four are engaged in a lively conversation.

CAROLINE
Tell them about the giraffe at your barn.

MIKE
A giraffe?! In Yorkshire?

GILLIAN
It’s not a real giraffe. It’s a mural that just appeared on me barn wall.

CHARLIE
A Banksy?!

CAROLINE
We hoped.

GILLIAN
But of course, given me luck, it’s a fake.

MIKE
Bummer!

CAROLINE
But that’s not the end of the story.

CHARLIE
There’s more?

GILLIAN
So this fake Banksy attracted gawkers to my property, and one of them left the gate wide open.

CHARLIE
Oh no! You lost your cows?

GILLIAN
No, I don’t have cows, just sheep.

MIKE
(pissed) Little Bo-Peep has lost her sheep, and can't tell where to find them.

GILLIAN
Exactly! Only I did find them.

MIKE
Where were they?

CAROLINE
All over!

CHARLIE and CAROLINE
For they were still a-fleeting!

The four of them laugh.

GILLIAN
It’s funny now. It wasn’t then.

CAROLINE
Oh, I’m sorry we’re laughing at your misfortune. (she puts her arm around Gillian and gives her a hug)

The waiter arrives.

WAITER
Do you know what you want for dessert?

GILLIAN AND CHARLIE
Yes!

CHARLIE
You go first, Gillian.

GILLIAN
Alright, I want the Evening Delight.

WAITER
Just to let you know. That’s a dessert for two.

GILLIAN (to Mike
(seductively) Would you like to share my Evening Delight?

The waiter rolls his eyes. Mike guzzles his sixth glass of wine.

MIKE
Sure, why not?

Waiter (to Charlie
How about you, Ma’am?

CHARLIE
I’ll have Yorkshire’s Secret.

WAITER
Would you like to top that pie with an aged Gruyère?

CHARLIE
That would be lovely.

WAITER
And you, Ma’am?

CAROLINE
I’ll get the Heavenly Surprise.

WAITER
Excellent choice! That’s the favorite of our loyal customers who’ve given up on sweet things. You won’t be disappointed.

The waiter retrieves the dessert menus and leaves.

CAROLINE
If you’ll excuse me, I’m just going to powder my nose.

Caroline prepares to stand, looks at Gillian, but Gillian is busy gawking flirtatiously at Mike. She kicks Gillian in the leg.

GILLIAN
Ow...m going with you, Caroline.

CAROLINE
Excuse us. We’ll be right back.

Caroline and Gillian silently make their way to the ladies room until they are away from earshot of Charlie and Mike.

CAROLINE
I thought we agreed me powdering my nose means we have to talk.

GILLIAN
Sorry, I was distracted.

They go inside the Ladies Room.

GILLIAN
Did you have to kick me so hard?(she rubs her leg)

CAROLINE
I’m sorry...I’m nervous!

GILLIAN
You’re like Incredible Hulk. You gain strength when you’re nervous.

CAROLINE
No, that’s when he’s angry.

GILLIAN
Did you really pull me away from Magic Mike to discuss the intricacies of Incredible Hulk?

CAROLINE
No. Right. On to business. We’ve never discussed what I should do if Charlie asks for a “nightcap”? (air quotes)

GILLIAN
Nightcap? I think that term went out of fashion in the ‘80s.

CAROLINE
I’m serious. I need dating advice. I haven’t been on a date since John, ‘cause you know...me and Kate...we didn’t go on a date.

GILLIAN
That’s ‘cause you were busy hiding in the closet.

CAROLINE
Exactly! What do I do?

GILLIAN
You’re asking me? My last date was Gary...my half-brother!

CAROLINE
Oh, that’s right!

GILLIAN
Let’s just play it by ear.

Caroline looks in the mirror.

CAROLINE
Look at us. We’re 53 years old, and we’re panicking about our dates like teenage girls.

Gillian and Caroline speak simultaneously.

GILLIAN
We’re awesome!

CAROLINE
We’re hopeless!

Gillian turns to Caroline.

GILLIAN
You do realize Charlie’s a girl and she can come in here anytime.

CAROLINE
Oh shit! You’re right. We better get back.

FAR SLACK FARM, LIVING ROOM. EVENING.

Raff and Ellie are in the living room watching over their sleeping newborn.

ELLIE
There’s summat I’ve been meaning to tell you.

RAFF
Yeah? What?

ELLIE
Your dad’s friend dropped by a few days ago.

RAFF
Who?

ELLIE
Alison.

RAFF
Oh yeah? She was here? I met her at t’sheep fair. Why didn’t you tell me?

ELLIE
‘Cause...’cause...

RAFF
Well, spit it out.

ELLIE
She came here to see your mum, and they had an argument...a heated one.

RAFF
What did they argue about?

ELLIE
I dunno. I couldn’t hear. I was standing there. (she goes over the living room window) They were in t’yard. (she looks out the window) Did you go to t’barn?

RAFF
No, why? (he joins Ellie by the window)

ELLIE
The barn door’s open. Your mum always locks it in the evening.

RAFF
Maybe she forgot. She was excited about her double date with Caroline.

ELLIE
I wonder how that’s going.

RAFF
Ewww! Don’t put things in my head.

JUDITH’S HOUSE. LATE EVENING.

John is with Judith in her living room.

JOHN
Thanks for letting me sleep here tonight. I don’t want to be at Caroline’s house in case she brings home her date.

JUDITH
Who’s her date?

JOHN
It’s probably that woman she met at the disco.

JUDITH
Barb? I’ve seen the video. What does Caroline see in her?

JOHN
Why the sudden interest in Caroline?

JUDITH
I’ve been meaning to tell you. I’ve become very fond of your ex-wife.

JOHN
How do you mean?

JUDITH
I think I’m a little bit in love with Caroline.

JOHN
Bollocks!

JUDITH
We really connected when I was at her school for that talk.

JOHN
You were inebriated! You were drinking vodka like water.

JUDITH
Well, I’m sober now.

JOHN
Are you really? One can’t tell.

JUDITH
Do you want to spend the evening in your car, John?

JOHN
No…it’s just that…

JUDITH
Because my letting you sleep here is not out of charity.

JOHN
If not out of charity then out of what? Love?

JUDITH
No, you twit. It’s out of curiosity. Have you not been listening? I’ve fallen in love with your wife. Who is this woman she’s dating?

JOHN
My guess is as good as yours. You and Caroline?

JUDITH
Well, she hasn’t entertained my invitations.

JOHN
When did Caroline become a latter-day Bathsheba Everdene?

JUDITH
Maybe she always has been. You’re just too self-absorbed to notice.

John scoffs.

JUDITH
Why would Caroline go out with that woman she met at the disco and not me?

JOHN
Well, let’s see, Judith. You wrecked our marriage…

JUDITH
(scoffs) Don’t blame all of that on me, John. It takes two to tango.

JOHN
She spent her birthday with you in casualty. You puked all over her house.

JUDITH
Not all over! Just behind the stairs.

JOHN
Shall I go on?

JUDITH
We’ve been through a lot and yet we’re still friends.

JOHN
You and Caroline aren’t friends. You’re an acquaintance at best. Can you imagine what the Daily Mail would write if you two end up together? “Headmistress Falls In Love with Ex’s Mistress”.

JUDITH
It has a nice ring to it.

JOHN
God, that’s so misguided.

JUDITH
Do you think something will come out of Caroline’s date?

JOHN
I doubt it.

RESTAURANT, SIDEWALK. LATE EVENING.

Caroline, Gillian, Charlie, and Mike exit the restaurant laughing. They linger at the sidewalk.

CHARLIE
Thanks for inviting us to dinner.

GILLIAN
It was our pleasure! Right, Caroline?

CAROLINE
Oh, yes, yes. It has been delightful.

CHARLIE
I don’t know about Mike, but I’ve yet to make friends here in Yorkshire.

Mike puts his arm around Charlie’s shoulder.

MIKE
You’re my only friend here too, Charlie.

GILLIAN
Awww!

CHARLIE
What I meant was this is our first night out with friends since we moved here.

GILLIAN
Well, let’s be sure this isn’t the last.

CAROLINE
Alright then, I guess we should be heading home.

MIKE
All right. Goodnight, Ladies.

GILLIAN
Goodnight.

Gillian gives Charlie a hug and a kiss on the cheek forcing everyone to follow suit. Caroline awkwardly gives Charlie a hug and a peck on the cheek.

CAROLINE
Goodnight.

CHARLIE
‘Night.

MIKE
Hey, Charlie. Can I hitch a ride with you? I’m too pissed to drive.

GILLIAN (excited)
I’ll drive you home!

MIKE
Uh…you sure?

GILLIAN
Yeah! I don’t mind.

MIKE
Okay then. (he gives Charlie a peck on the cheek) See you tomorrow, cock. Drive safely.

CHARLIE
Bye everyone! (she walks the opposite direction)

Gillian, Mike, and Caroline make their way to the Landrover.

CAROLINE
Where do you live, Mike?

MIKE
Sowerby Bridge.

CAROLINE
Oh, so you’re gonna be our first stop.

GILLIAN
Right…(stops walking)

CAROLINE
Gillian? Are you all right? (she walks back to Gillian)

GILLIAN
(puts both hands on Caroline’s arms and looks her in the eye) Caroline, you’re going to hate me now, but you’ll thank me later.

CAROLINE
What? Why?

GILLIAN
(shouts) Charlie!

CAROLINE
What are you doing?

GILLIAN
(shouts) Charlie!

Charlie hasn’t gone far. She hears Gillian. She walks back towards Gillian and Caroline.

CHARLIE (shouts)
Yeah? Is everything all right?

GILLIAN
Could you drive Caroline home? (whispers to Caroline) Life’s short.

CAROLINE
(glaring at Gillian, mumbles) Yours will, ‘cause I’m gonna kill you for this.

Gillian (mumbles)
No, you won’t. You’ll be forever grateful.

CHARLIE
(meets up with Gillian and Caroline) Sorry, I didn’t catch what you said.

GILLIAN
Could you drive Caroline home?

CHARLIE
Oh. Yeah. Sure.

GILLIAN (gives Caroline a hug and whispers)
Live a little. (gives Caroline a push towards Charlie) Night-night, Ladies. Get home safe!

CHARLIE
You too!

Gillian runs over to Mike who’s too drunk to join them. He’s leaning on a lamp post. Charlie and Caroline walk together.

CHARLIE
My car’s just at the end of the street.

CAROLINE
Okay. Sorry for the change in arrangements. I think Gillian has other plans…with Mike.

CHARLIE
I figured as much. It’s not the first time it has happened. He’s quite popular with the ladies.

CAROLINE
So it seems.

Charlie and Caroline walk the rest of the way in silence. They reach Charlie’s Mini Cooper.

CHARLIE
Here’s my car.

Charlie and Caroline get inside the Mini Cooper.

CHARLIE (pulls out phone)
What’s your address?

CAROLINE
Oh, right. Let me send you my contact card. So you won’t have to type it in.

CHARLIE
Good idea. (puts seatbelt on, starts car, starts driving)

Charlie and Caroline sit in silence for a good part of the drive. You could cut the atmosphere with a knife.

CHARLIE
Have you always lived in West Yorkshire?

CAROLINE
No…I used to live in Harrogate with my ex-husband, John, and our two sons.

CHARLIE
Oh, you have kids?

CAROLINE
Yes. My eldest, William, is 24. He lives in London. My second is Lawrence. He should be in college, but he’s still figuring out what to do with his life. Lawrence currently lives with me, but he’s gone to visit his friend in Harrogate this weekend. My youngest, Flora, who I’ve left this evening with me mum in Ripponden…

CHARLIE
Shall we fetch her?

CAROLINE
Oh, no. Thanks for the offer, but she’d be fast asleep by now. She’s only five. My late wife, Kate, gave birth to her. Flora’s turning out to be just like her mum…pretty, clever, kind, selfless.

Charlie takes all that in, and concludes Caroline is not yet ready to move on.

CAROLINE
You would’ve liked…Kate.

CHARLIE
I’m sure I would’ve. She sounds marvelous…perfect even. (she pulls into Caroline’s driveway) Well, here we are.

CAROLINE (removes seatbelt, looks at Charlie)
Thanks for driving me home.

CHARLIE
Don’t mention it. (looks Caroline in the eye) Goodbye, Caroline. (says it with a tone of finality)

CAROLINE
Bye... (says it with sadness after sensing the finality of Charlie’s goodbye)

Charlie waits for Caroline to leave the car, but Caroline just gazes at her with undeniable longing. Caroline lunges at Charlie, and they kiss deeply and passionately.

Read continuation in the next Last Tango in Halifax fan fiction episode: Gillian and Caroline Go to Hebden Women’s Disco – Last Tango in Halifax Fan Fiction 1.6

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