In 1990, young Shawn Spencer starts the engine of his father’s truck with young Burton Guster as his passenger.
Shawn: You ready?
Shawn puts the truck in reverse, and begins to back up. He reaches for the brake, but he’s too short to reach it.
Shawn: Oh no. Oh no!
Shawn: I can’t reach the brake! Gus, get down there and stop us.
Gus: Wait, why do I have to be the feet? How come you just can’t be taller?
Shawn’s father runs towards the driver’s side, and opens the door.
Henry: No, whoa, whoa, Shawn! What do you think you’re doing?
Shawn: Well, the important question is what are you doing home?
Henry: I’m a detective. New job. New hours.
Shawn: Can you write those down for me?
Henry: Give me the keys. Give me the keys.
Shawn: We were only going to go as far as the end of the driveway.
Henry: I don’t care how far you were gonna go, Shawn. You’re not old enough to drive. Get out. Out. Now!
Present day, a couple of men are in an alley.
Man #1: Right there. Right there.
Man on Radio: Copy. Load it in.
A sports car arrives. A man in ski mask points a gun at them.
Man in Ski Mask: Back away! Everybody back away!
The men run away. The man in ski mask runs over to the sports car.
Man in Ski Mask: Come on. Get out of the car. Out of the car.
The driver reluctantly hops out of the car. The man in ski mask drives away in the sports car. Detective Lassiter is driving with Detective O’Hara when they hear the police radio.
Dispatcher: All units be advised 2-11 of a vehicle just occurred at 40765 Mariposa. Property taken was a white Lamborghini Murcielago. Suspect last seen travelling southbound.
Jules: Stolen car.
Lassiter: Not a car. It’s a Lamborghini.
Lassiter excitedly grabs the radio.
Lassiter: Copy! Car 7-0, en route to assist.
Lassiter turns on the sirens.
Lassiter: I have a pretty good idea who’s behind this carjacking.
Lassiter: I’ve been investigating a group of car thieves who have been working in town for the last few months. They’re street racers. They finance their lifestyle by boosting exotic vehicles.
Lassiter speeds up as he turns a corner.
Jules: Whoa! Slow down! And how do you know these are the guys you’ve been investigating?
Lassiter: Oh, it’s them. I know it.
Lassiter: There they are.
Jules: Car 7-0 we have visual on the Lamborghini traveling south on Mariposa requesting backup.
Lassiter goes after the Lamborghini, but it mysteriously disappears as it turns a corner.
Lassiter: Damn it!
Jules: Carlton, we’ve lost him.
Lassiter: I’m not giving up that easy. I’ve spent too long trying to nail this son of a bitch.
Jules: He’s halfway to the city limits by now.
Lassiter: O’Hara, if you don’t wanna help, you’re more than welcome to get out right now.
Jules: We are three miles from the station.
Dispatcher: All units be advised stolen Lamborghini located at the corner of Eight and Waterfront.
Lassiter responds to the dispatcher.
Lassiter: This is Detective Lassiter. Secure the area and stand down! No one approaches that vehicle until I get there! Do you copy?
Lassiter hurriedly backs up his car. He and Jules arrive at the scene. Other police officers corner the car, and are ready to shoot.
Lassiter: Officers, stand down!
Lassiter walks over to the driver’s side, and finds that the driver has a bullet hole in his head.
Shawn and Gus arrive at the scene of the crime, and immediately walk over to the sports car.
Shawn: And that my dear Gus is why one should not text and drive.
Shawn notices the skull ring the victim is wearing on his clenched fist. He also notices the altered VIN, and marks on the gutter. He eyes the sign that reads “Sulphur Exporters”. Lastly, he observes the skid marks.
Lassiter: Spencer! Get away from the vehicle! Shoo!
Shawn: This is an absolutely lovely crime scene you have here, Lassie. I especially enjoy what you do with the…what’s that called?
Gus: Yellow tape.
Lassiter: Crime scene tape. It’s there for a reason.
Shawn: Look, we only came over to get a closer look at the ride because I used to have one just like it. Gus and I built it from scratch in auto shop.
Lassiter: Spencer, you don’t want this case.
Shawn: Oh, but I do.
Lassiter: But you can’t have it.
Shawn: Oh, but I will.
Lassiter: Stop it.
Shawn: Look, Lassie, I know we’ve had our kerfuffles in the past, but let’s be honest. This has all the makings of a Psych special. Fast cars.
Gus: Fast women.
Shawn: Fast food.
Shawn: That too.
Lassiter: Enough. The answer is no. I’ve done too much work on this case already so I will thank you to get lost. In fact, I’ll even help you. Miler, escort these two out of here, please.
Shawn: Well, in that case, I guess we’ll just have to race you for it.
Gus throws the keys to his car to Shawn, and he catches it.
Shawn and Gus run to their car. They drive away. Lassiter turns to a police officer.
Lassiter: Go give them a ticket.
The next day, Detective Lassiter is at the police station talking to Officer McNab.
Lassiter: We know the Lamborghini was traveling approximately 90 miles an hour when the diver was killed so we can extrapolate the shooter’s location based on how long it took the dead man’s car to come to a stop.
McNab: Well, how did the shooter even find him?
Lassiter: They found an illegal tracking device under the hood. Now watch.
Detective Lassiter shows Officer McNab the police video of him chasing the Lamborghini.
McNab: Awesome driving.
Lassiter: Thank you, McNab. There’s actually quite a bit more to pursuit driving than most people think.
McNab: I was talking about the other guy.
Shawn and Gus arrive.
Shawn: Watch for the flash, Gus. As soon as Lassie hits 88, he goes back in time. And this time he does not go to the prom with his sister.
Gus: It was his mother, and it was the “Enchantment Under the Sea” dance.
Shawn: Come on, man. It was a throw-away. So we could make an entrance.
Gus: But you got it wrong.
Shawn: I can’t do this with you right now.
Lassiter: Spencer, I am trying to investigate a murder, so unless you have a reason to be here, leave.
Shawn remembers the skid marks and the tampered VIN.
Shawn: Oh, I have a reason. I’m getting that the shooter was in a second car, one with wide tires found on street-racing hot-rod type vehicles.
Lassiter: Tell me something I don’t know.
Shawn: All right. America’s never lost a war when donkeys were in use and the Lamborghini’s vehicle identification number was altered, which means it was stolen before.
Lassiter: I knew that already as well. The part about the VIN number, not the donkeys. That’s an interesting fact. What I need to know is where the shooter’s car was.
Gus: Well, why don’t you just extrapolate based on how long it took for the dead man’s car to coast to a stop?
Shawn: Yeah. What chocolate Einstein just said.
Lassiter starts humming as he watches the police chase.
Shawn: Um, Lassie, are you humming danger music?
Lassiter: We’re done here. O’Hara, we got an ID on that victim yet?
Jules: His name is Max Contreras. He’s a known street racer, has a long list of priors. Get this. He’s a huge gambler. Owes a bundle to none other than Logan Paget.
Shawn throws popcorn at Lassiter.
Gus: Who’s that?
Lassiter: Paget’s a big time exotic car collector and suspected loan shark.
Shawn: That’s interesting. By the way, it’s pronounced “Paget.”
Shawn says “Paget” with a French accent.
Lassiter: No, it isn’t.
Shawn: It is when I say it. Now, let’s saddle up and go talk to this frog.
Jules: He is not French, Shawn, and that term is a slur.
Shawn: Oh, please. He won’t be offended. The French are known for their wonderful sense of humor.
Jules: Excuse me.
Lassiter: You’re not going anywhere on this, Spencer, because you’re not on this case.
Shawn: Understood. Dad!
Henry: They’re on the case.
Henry: With all due respect, Carlton, you’ve been after these guys for months with no luck, and now someone is dead. It’s time for all hands on deck. That comes straight from the chief. Not me.
Lassiter: I don’t need help questioning Paget.
Lassiter: Shut up.
Henry: That’s why we’re sending Shawn and Gus to see if they can find any street racers that Contreras hung with. Maybe they can help.
Lassiter: What do you even know about street racing anyway?
Shawn: Only what we learned from The Fast and the Furious. So everything.
Lassiter: Fine. But don’t think we’re partners on this. I’m in charge.
Shawn: I promise to follow you to the letter.
Gus: As long as that letter isn’t “Q.”
Shawn: Or any other vowel for that matter.
Henry: Shawn, you’re to play by the book on this one. You find anything out, you make any move, you first report to Lassiter. Got it?
Shawn: Done and done.
Shawn and Gus walk away.
Gus: Are we really going to check everything with Lassie?
Shawn: Of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.
Detective O’Hara and Detective Lassiter walk someone’s driveway.
Lassiter: That’s an ’83 Avanti. They only made 189 of these things. Its design was inspired by the ’64 Studebaker Avanti. Here, see the square headlights? Seven Z-type. ’09 Aston Martin.
Jules: We have work to do, Mister Bond.
A man steps out the mansion’s door.
Lassiter: Mr. Paget!
Paget: It’s pronounced “Paget.”
Paget says his name with a French accent.
Lassiter: I’ve heard it both ways. I’m Detective Lassiter. This is my partner, Detective O’Hara. We have a few questions for you about Max Contreras.
Jules: We understand you knew him.
Paget: Max was a business associate. He worked for me occasionally. He was a gifted mechanic. An artist. Irreplaceable. Just like one of your precious porcelain dolls.
Lassiter: You see, I don’t collect dolls.
Paget: You look like the kind of guy who does.
Jules: We also know that Max owed you a lot of money.
Paget: Am I to assume that I’m not a suspect in your murder case?
Lassiter runs his fingers over one of Paget’s cars.
Paget: Don’t touch, please.
Lassiter: Don’t be stupid, Mister “Paget.” We both know that even the lowest two-bit loan sharks doesn’t kill someone who owes them money.
Jules: When did you last talk to Contreras?
Paget: Ah, it’s been weeks. Weeks.
Mr. Paget hops in his sports car.
Paget: Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to prepare this baby for an auction.
Lassiter: Yeah, just one more question.
Mr. Paget turns on the engine, and starts revving. Lassiter shouts.
Lassiter: You were the…
Mr. Paget revs his car.
Lassiter: You were the…would you turn that off?!
Mr. Paget looks at Lassiter gesturing that he couldn’t hear him.
Lassiter: Turn off the car! You’re the registered…
Mr. Paget turns off the car. Lassiter stops shouting.
Lassiter: Owner of the vehicle that Max was driving the night he was murdered.
Paget: Yes. It was taken from a restaurant valet.
Jules: That’s interesting because we don’t have any record of you reporting it stolen.
Paget.: Hmm. Must have slipped my mind.
Lassiter: See, I think you are hiding something.
Paget: Maybe I just have that kind of face.
Shawn and Gus arrive at an auto shop.
Gus: Dude, we’ve been to five of these places, and no one’s heard anything about street racing or even heard of Max.
Shawn: Just do this one, and then I’ll get you some astronaut ice cream.
Gus: Damn right, you will.
Shawn: Excuse us.
A female mechanic turns around.
Shawn: Ooh. I’m Shawn. This is my associate, MC Clap You Handz.
Gus starts clapping his hands.
Gus: With a “Z.”
Shawn: We’re looking for some street racing action.
Gus: Or any kind of action.
Gina: Don’t know anything about that so you can get the hell out of here. With a “Z.”
Shawn notices tanks of Nitrous, and notices a scar on the woman’s hand. He and Gus turn around.
Gus: Dude, she’s lying.
Shawn: I know. There’s no “Z” in asses.
Gus: I’m talking about the street racing.
Shawn: Right, right. Huh.
A man drives his car into the shop. He hops out of his car, throws the keys at the hanging key holder, and the keys hang on the hook without falling.
Shawn: What? Seriously! Dude, do that again. I’ve been trying to come up with an entrance bit like that since I accidentally threw Gus’ wallet into a fireplace.
Gus: I knew a squirrel didn’t swipe it off a windowsill.
Shawn: There was a squirrel outside and it was eyeing your wallet.
Gus: You lying bastard.
Shawn: I was positing a theory to help cushion the blow for you.
Gus: You ruined my wallet and blamed it on a animal.
Shawn: Squirrels bite, Gus.
Gus: So what?
Shawn: You wanted to believe it.
Nix: Whoa, hey! Who the hell are you guys?
Gina: They’re nobodies.
Shawn: And by nobodies, she means experienced street racers who also happen to dabble in flatulence.
Shawn: I’m sorry, stamp collecting.
Gus: It’s philately, Shawn.
Shawn: No, I’m afraid that’s the word for “fart.”
Gina: You need to get the hell out of here.
Gus: Damn, Girl.
Nix: Ho-hold on. Take it easy, Gina. Clearly, these guys are insane. They’re just looking to have some fun.
Two other guys arrive.
Shawn: I race hard. You race hard. You’re an awesome key flipper, I can play Sowing the Seeds of Love on the recorder.
Shawn points at Gus’ head.
Shawn: He has that head. Now we all know each other. Why don’t you tell us where the next race is?
Nix: What’s your name?
Nix: There’s an old saying, Shawn, “If you need to ask, you don’t belong there.”
Shawn: I knew that.
Man #2: Then why’d you ask?
Shawn: Well, if you must know, it’s a rhetorical question. Sort of like, “Where’s Waldo?” or “Are you smarter than a fifth grader?”
Nix: If you can find the race, happy to see you there.
Shawn: Cool, man.
The guys and Gina walk away. Shawn sees a cellphone lying around. He pushes Gus, and Gus hits a tool cart, catching the attention of the people at the auto shop.
Shawn: Gus, for goodness sake, careful. I’m sorry. He’s all thumbs.
While all eyes are at Gus, Shawn goes through the message inbox of the cellphone.
Gina: Are you guys done here?
Shawn: Sorry again about that.
Shawn pushes Gus once again, and some tools fall on the floor.
Shawn: Oh my!
Shawn resumes going through messages on the phone marked restricted. Later, Shawn and Gus return to their car.
Gus: You’re making a mess. I had that perfectly organized.
Shawn: I need a map. Where’s the map?
Gus: Under my backup breathmints next to the lavender scalp oil.
Shawn: Lavender scalp oil? You’ve been using that stuff since we did that model thing, huh?
Gus: Everyday. A player needs to shine, Shawn. What are you doing?
Shawn looks at a map. He notices Lincoln Road, and remembers seeing a picture message with Abraham Lincoln’s head from the cellphone he found in the auto shop. He also notices a Cardinal Road, and remembers seeing a picture of a cardinal on the phone then he sees a Seagull Road, and remembers a picture message with a seagull on it then a Cypress Road, and remembers a picture of a cypress in one of the messages.
Shawn: Wait a minute, these are streets and times and dates. Gus, I know where the enxt race is. We just need wheels.
Gus: Ah, that’s a negative, Shawn. You already tricked out my car once.
Shawn: Yeah, and it looked awesome.
Gus: And I almost got fired.
Shawn: Fine. We’ll have to figure something else out then.
One night, Shawn and Gus are at a street race with Gus holding up the hood of Henry’s truck.
Gus: Everybody else’s hood stays up by themselves. How long do I have to do this?
Shawn: Gus, we have to feature the engine. We have to show it to people. That’s what they do. Sit tight. I’m going to go get my Paul Walker on.
Gus: This is embarrassing. Your dad’s gonna kill you for taking his truck.
Shawn walks over to the guys next to them.
Shawn: Monte Carlo, huh? It’s blue. It’s boxy.
Man: What the hell are you talking about, man?
Shawn: I’m talking about your machine, Man. My buddy Max had one just like it. Max Contreras. El Guapo. Do you guys know him?
Man: I know he got a bullet put in his head.
Shawn: Yeah, I heard that. Bummed me out. You wouldn’t happen to know who did it, would you?
Man: You know what we do with little guys who come around here asking bitch-ass questions?
Shawn: I’m guessing he doesn’t break into song?
Man: No, we kick their bitch asses!
The guy from the auto shop arrives.
Nix: Hey, hey, hey! Chill out, Man.
The man still tries to attack Shawn, but the guy from the auto shop stops him.
Nix: Chill out! All right? You’re not gonna do nothing. You’re gonna turn around. You’re gonna walk out of here. You understand?
The man chuckles.
The man walks away.
Shawn: Side note. That guy would have killed me.
Nix: Yeah. Quickly and quietly.
Shawn: My body turns up in a ditch somewhere.
Nix: Nah, they would have never found your body.
Shawn: No body.
Nix: And yet, you didn’t back down.
Shawn: Well, you know I don’t really like to, um…
Shawn gestures what he wants to say.
Nix: Think ahead.
Nix: I understand that approach well. You found the race.
Shawn: Here I am.
Nix: You know I won’t say I’m not impressed.
Shawn: You’re awesome. You have a great crew. You look like Flea.
Shawn points at one of the guys, and the guy raises both his arms.
Shawn: Come on, Guys.
Shawn walks back to the truck.
Shawn: Gus, look.
The guys walk to the truck.
The guy laughs.
Nix: Is this your ride?
Shawn: She may look like hell. She may sound like hell. She may run like hell. She may smell like hell.
Shawn: But she is fast as hell.
Nix: I guess we should do this then, huh?
Shawn: Absolutely! Do what?
Shawn and Gus are in the truck at the street waiting.
Gus: How was this a good idea?
Shawn: What would you have me do, Gus? Huh? Back down? No. I’ve got to protect my rep.
Gus: You don’t have a rep.
Shawn: I’m building it, Dude. Don’t you see? If we’re going to get to the bottom of Max’ murder, we’ve gotta have some street cred.
The guy from the auto shop pulls up next to Shawn and Gus’ truck. He revs his engine.
Shawn: Hey, Nix! We’re racing for pinks.
Nix: As in pink slips? Like ownership papers?
Shawn: Pink’s Hot Dogs. I have a coupon.
Gus: That’s my coupon.
Shawn: It’s his coupon.
Nix: Good, ‘cause I’d rather have that than your truck.
Shawn: Oh, yeah?
Shawn revs his engine.
Shawn: Sure about that?
Nix revs his engine.
Nix: I’m sure.
Shawn revs his engine.
Shawn: I think I can beat this guy.
Gus: Are you insane?
Shawn: I have a secret weapon.
Shawn opens the glove compartment to reveal two small tanks of Nitrous.
Gus: What?! Nitrous? You are insane.
Shawn: You wouldn’t believe how easy that thing was to install.
Gus: No, Shawn. It’s incredibly complicated. Did you retool the front end?
A woman holding flags walks up the street.
Gus: Did you adjust the intake?
Shawn: What’s an intake?
Gus: Did you exchange the exhaust valve?
Shawn: Jeez, Gus, you know so much about this. I should have had you install it.
Gus: Let me out of this car.
The woman raises both flags then swings her arms down. Shawn steps on the gas. The cars speed up.
Shawn: Come on!
Nix is ahead of them.
Shawn: Come on! Come on! Come on! Okay, dude, ready? Hit it!
Gus: Absolutely not.
Shawn: We can win this thing.
Gus: We can also die.
Shawn takes the Nitrous controls. Gus grabs it.
Gus: Stop it! No!
The two struggle. Shawn manages to push the button. Their truck speed up. Shawn yells.
Gus: I won’t forgive you for this.
Shawn: Thank you.
Gus: I said I won’t forgive you.
Shawn catches up to Nix.
Shawn: Viva Mexico!
Nix: You kidding me?
Shawn and Nix are head to head, but Nix speeds up a bit more at the last minute.
Shawn: We did it!
Gus: He beat us, Shawn.
Shawn: By so much less than I thought he would.
Shawn steps on the brake, but nothing happens.
Gus: I knew it. You must have accidentally cut the brake line when you installed the nitrous.
Shawn: Please. The only thing I cut was that long cable going from the pedals to the rear wheels.
Gus: I’m going to kill you, Shawn!
Shawn and Gus’ truck runs over a chicken wire gate, and the truck stops. Shawn feels his face.
Gus: Are we dead?
Shawn: I’m not, but if you are, can I have the $6,218 in your rainy day money market account?
Gus: How do you know exactly how much money I have in there?
Shawn: Wild guess.
Nix now carrying his crew drives up to where Shawn and Gus stopped.
Nix: Wow! That’s some of the craziest stuff I’ve seen in a long time!
Nix: You know you two have got a lot of balls.
Shawn: Four, actually. And a phantom one that I call “Rigby.”
Gina: Or your asses are just lucky.
Shawn: Look Gina, don’t be…
Shawn notices the skull necklace Gina is wearing, and remembers the skull ring that Max was wearing.
Shawn: We live in the edge, Tommy.
Nix: I thought you were a lot of talk.
Gus: We are all talk.
Shawn: No, we’re not! Gus, we’re not. We’re all action.
Nix: Listen, we’re having a party tomorrow night at the shop. You make me laugh. You two should come.
Shawn: We’ll be there, Man.
The following morning, Henry Spencer hops on his truck, puts it in reverse, and is shocked that his truck zooms out of his driveway.
At the police station, Henry scolds Shawn and Gus.
Henry: I almost got killed pulling out of my own damn driveway. I warned you two about going by the book on this one, so unless you’ve got something useful from that little stunt, I’m cutting you loose.
Shawn: Dad, we’ve got something more than useful. Gus and I have identified Max’ old crew.
Gus: We’re already making inroads.
Shawn: That’s right. Pretty soon we’ll get nicknames. I’m thinking Torch and Road Rash.
Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara interrogate Paget.
Lassiter: You lied to us, Paget.
Paget: Really? How so?
Jules: You said that you hadn’t spoken to Max Contreras in weeks, but your phone records tell a different story. In fact, you talked to him quite a bit last week, including Tuesday night at 8:41.
Lassiter: Right after Max boosted your Lamborghini.
Jules: Tell us again why you never reported your car stolen?
Paget: I’ve kind of been busy, you know.
Lassiter: Bull crunch. Max knew exactly who boosted your car, so he made you an offer. He was gonna recover it for you and you were gonna erase his debt.
Jules: Only you didn’t trust Max. After all, he was a thief.
Lassiter: So you called him up and sure enough he had a change of heart. He was gonna keep the car for himself so you hopped in your fastest vehicle, you tracked him down and took him out. I’ve got you on conspiracy to commit grand theft, and I’m just getting started.
Paget: Okay. Yes, I hired Max. Yes, I called him after he retrieved my car, but he didn’t tell me that he had a change of heart.
Jules; Well, what did he say, then?
Paget: He said someone was after him.
Paget: He didn’t get a change to tell me that, and from the sound of his voice, he was scared. Whoever it was, he knew they were going to get to him.
Lassiter and O’Hara walk passed Henry, Shawn, and Gus.
Henry: Shawn, you agreed that Lassiter would be point on this investigation. I expect you to honor it. Tell him now.
Lassiter: Tell me what?
Shawn: All right. It took a brush with death, but Gus and I were able to infiltrate Max’ old crew and I am sensing that is where we will find his killer.
O’Hara: Huh. Based on what Paget says, that actually makes sense. Whoever killed Max had to be a better driver than him. Maybe it was an old street racing buddy or somebody that he, I don’t know, used to boost cars with.
Lassiter: Things went bad between them. Max decides to take this guy out. Adequate job, Spencer! O’Hara and I will shake these gear heads down. Where can I find him?
Shawn: Whoa, whoa, whoa, Lassie. Tap the brakes. You can’t just go in there and slap these guys around all limp-wristy, expecting them to tell you everything.
Lassiter: I’ve never had a limp wrist in my life.
Shawn: Look, these dudes are a tribe, all right? They’re very close-knit, which is why Road Rash and I will be hanging out with them tonight.
Gus: Why do I have to be Road Rash?
Shawn: Because I’m Torch.
Gus: I want a different nickname.
Shawn: They all know you as Road Rash. Everybody does. If you switch now, there will be mass confusion.
Gus: Shawn, you made that name up on minute ago.
Shawn: Fine. What do you want to be called?
Gus: Mellow Rush.
Shawn: That sounds like a crappy energy drink that gives you tongue-hives. How about Crankshaft?
Gus: The old, cantankerous man from the comic strip?
Shawn: Okay. Fine. Miss Whiddleberry it is.
Henry and Lassiter: Enough!
Henry: Look, Shawn is right. If he and Gus can go out and get enough concrete evidence to nail the shooter, I say it’s worth it.
Lassiter: You have six hours to give me a suspect, and I want the address where you’re going to be.
Shawn: Done. You ready to go, G-Force?
Gus: Now, that’s what’s up.
Shawn and Gus sing.
Shawn and Gus: What? What?
Shawn and Gus arrive at the party.
Nix: All right, now listen. When you’re with me, what’s mine is yours.
Shawn; Can I have that, uh, puka shell necklace?
Shawn: No. Of course, I was kidding.
Gus: Dude, did you make a chain out of paperclips?
Shawn: Look Gus, I didn’t have a lot of time. What I had was office supplies.
Shawn and Gus join Nix’ crew’s table.
Stig: Worst crash ever, Phoenix ’06. Hands down. I’m in a GTO and racing this Supra. A total ricer kicking his import ass, doing 90, all of a sudden my back end gets loose. Boom! Hit the guardrail, flip it six times.
Gus: Dag, Stig, you’re lucky to be alive.
Stig: Yeah. Talking about worst crash, how about Tommy last year at Bonneville.
Juice Box: Oh, man, okay, he’s trying to get to 200, right? The front end of his Camaro came off the ground, flew like what? Like 50 feet?
Juice Box: By the end there was hardly any car left. It was crazy.
Stig: Tommy was in a coma for a month.
Nix: It was barely three weeks. It was a little nap. I can’t wait to try it again.
Gus: What do you have, a death wish?
Nix: No, it’s just the opposite, Whiddleberry. They say that when you’re going that fast, that’s when you really know what it is to be alive. It’s pure adrenaline. It’s not about the speed, and checkered flags. Anybody with the right engine and enough horsepower can do that. It’s about freedom and barriers. You tell me I can’t do something, I’m gonna show you that I can or I’m gonna die trying. Adrenaline, that’s God’s greatest gift.
Shawn: How close did you get?
Nix: 187. I could almost taste it.
Shawn: You want the ultimate thrill? You got to be willing to pay the ultimate price.
Nix: Point Break.
Shawn: I think you should go for it, Man. Do whatever it takes.
Shawn notices the scar on Gina’s hand once again.
Shawn: What about you, Gina? Awfully quiet over there, how’d you get your war wound?
Gina: Vegas ’09. Dodge Challenger. Ran a read light and got T-boned by a big rig.
Stig: Yeah. Max was driving. Gina loses the use of two of her fingers, and Max walks away without a scratch. Some boyfriend, huh?
Stig: Whatever. Son of a bitch never even apologized to you. I’d never treat you that way.
Juice Box: You know what? I never trusted the bastard, so I saw good riddance.
Nix: Hey, Max was once a good friend to all of us. That’s how we’re going to remember him.
Juice Box: You’re right.
Gina: Let’s go outside.
Shawn and Gus look at each other, and they both get up. Gina points at Gus.
Gina: Not you.
Shawn and Gina walk out of the room.
Shawn: Now she wants to talk, huh? We can talk or…
Shawn hops on the hood of a car.
Gina: Whoa! What are you doing? That’s my car.
Shawn: She’s a beauty. Nova, huh? Did you know that no va means “no go” in Spanish? These bad boys did not sell well in the Latin American countries, except, curiously, Honduras. Stig and Juice Box really hating on Max in there. What’s that all about?
Gina: You ask a lot of questions.
Shawn: Oh, yeah?
Gina walks up very close to Shawn.
Gina puts her hands on Shawn, and he does the same, but she pushes him.
Shawn: Ooh, Hey!
Gina flips Shawn such that he has his back turned from her.
Shawn: Relax, I think we got this backwards.
Gina: Don’t flatter yourself. I’m looking for a wire.
Shawn: A wire? Are you…are you crazy, Gina? You think I’m a cop? I’m not a cop. I’m a car guy, just like you. Except you’re a girl, obviously.
Gina: Car guy, huh? Just like me?
Shawn: Just like you.
Gina pushes Shawn to the side, and opens the hood of her car.
Gina: Tell me exactly what you see here.
Shawn: All right, what do we got? We got a…fan belt, a radiator, air filter.
Gina: Cowl induction.
Gina: Rochester four-barrel, Edelbrock intake, open headers, 4-11 positrac.
Gina: Exactly. Those are the mods on Tommy’s car. Not mine.
Gina closes the hood of her car. Shawn notices the tire tread, and specks on the car, and remembers the tire tracks and the marks on the curb at the crime scene.
Gina: Tell me exactly who you are, Shawn. Right now.
Gina points a gun at Shawn.
Shawn: All right. I guess I should start at the beginning. It’s 1976. Fernando was at the top of the charts. A Georgia peanut farmer was the leader of the free world.
Gus runs, and pushes the gun way from Shawn. Gina kicks him on the foot.
Gus: Now, Gina, don’t do anything crazy.
Shawn: We don’t hit women.
Gina punches Shawn on the face then kicks Gus. The police arrive.
Jules: Put down the firearm!
Lassiter: Back off, now!
Detective O’Hara arrests Gina, and Lassiter helps Shawn up. Nix, Stig, and Juice Box are surprised and disappointed with Shawn.
Shawn: Get your hand off me, cop!
Shawn talks under his breath.
Shawn: Punch me in the face.
Shawn: You’re gonna blow my cover. Now, punch me in the face.
Lassiter answers Shawn in a whisper.
Lassiter: I’m not going to punch you in the face.
Shawn: Ronald Reagan was a terrible president.
Lassiter: You son of a bitch!
Lassiter punches Shawn in the face, and he falls on the ground.
Gus: I’ll go quietly.
Gus runs away.
Lassiter: Get up!
Shawn and Gus arrive at the police station.
McNab: There they are. Nice work, guys.
Shawn: Thank you, Buzz.
McNab: No, I meant nice work getting owned by a girl.
Shawn: Okay. For your information, we did not get owned. We refused to fight back.
Gus: We don’t hit women.
Shawn: That’s right.
Lassiter: Uh, no, but apparently she does.
Jules: We got the preliminary ballistics on Gina’s gun. It was used to kill Max Contreras.
Shawn: Gina was the shooter?
Lassiter: Not Gina. That was her alias. Her real name was Mary Armstrong.
Shawn: I almost made out with a woman named Mary Armstrong?
Gus: You weren’t about to make out with anybody.
Shawn: Says who? She kicked you in the belly.
Gus: After I disarmed her, and saved your butt.
Shawn: I’m sorry. She just didn’t seem like a Mary Armstrong to me. Maria? Sure. Marisol, Mandinga.
Lassiter: Her name’s not important. What’s important is that she was Max’ ex-lover, and part of the crew that stole Paget’s Lamborghini. Max betrayed them when he stole it back, so she went after him, and took him out.
Henry: And the good news, gentlemen, is that she is going away for a very long time. Your lunch money is safe.
Shawn and Gus feign laughter.
Henry: All right, look, guys, the big score here is that we all worked together. I think we’ve turned a corner. Great work.
Shawn: I don’t like the way that shook out at all. Lassie smugly breaking down the case, people laughing at our expense. Gina turns out to be Mary. It’s all very vexing. Don’t you feel vexed?
Gus: No. We solved the case. It all worked out the way it should be.
Shawn: No, that is what is disturbing me. It never works out the way it should. That’s not our process. Our process is messy. It’s haphazard. It’s definitely not like that. I don’t buy it.
Gus: Well, you’re not going to get it for free.
Shawn crazily parks Gus’ car.
Gus: What is wrong with you? You’re driving like a maniac!
Shawn: I think these car people are rubbing off on me, Gus. I’m doing it fast and furious. I’m living life a quarter mile at a time.
Gus: Will you get over this thing and stop talking like a movie poster?
Shawn: Wait a minute.
Shawn remembers Gina picking up a wrench without using two of her fingers. Shawn hums a suspenseful tune. He remembers Stig mentioning Gina losing the use of two of her fingers.
Stig: Gina loses the use of two of her fingers.
Gina points a gun at them using her left hand.
Gina: Tell me exactly who you are, Shawn, right now.
Gus: Why are you singing Lassie’s danger music?
Shawn: It’s catchy, and the shot that killed Max came from the right.
Gus: Yeah, so?
Shawn: So, Gina can’t grip anything with her right hand. Not a wrench, not a steering wheel, and definitely not a gun.
Gus: So if she was the one chasing Max, she would have to steer and shoot with the same hand. No one cand o that.
Shawn: Not at 90 miles an hour. You know what this means, Gus? Gina is not our killer.
Gus: Don’t you mean Mary?
Shawn: No. She’ll always be Gina to me.
Shawn and Gus arrive at their office.
Shawn: All right. Sher-black-lock. If I wasn’t Gina, who was it?
Gus: It’s obvious, Shawn. It’s Tommy.
Shawn: Gus, don’t be the second drummer from 38 Special. It’s clearly wasn’t Tommy.
Gus: Why are you not getting this? These guys are like the mafia and Tommy’s like a street racing Don Corleone. There’s a code of honor and Max broke it when he stole that car.
Shawn: It easly could have been one of the other dudes. Stig, obviously in love with Gina. Juice Box, they didn’t trust the bastard.
Gus: Shawn, it’s Tommy. You know it. He was the one driving Gina’s car.
Shawn: Why is everyone suddenly breaking down this case but me?
Gus: Because you won’t, and worse still, you broke the first rule of undercover work. You got too close. You’ve gone all Point Break.
Shawn: Okay, that’s just nuts.
Gus: Is it, Johnny Utah?
Shawn slaps his hand on the desk.
Shawn: Don’t you dare use that name as a slur. I don’t have to stand for this. Give me your keys so I can storm out of here.
Gus: No, take your motorcycle.
Shawn: All right. Hey, windbreaker or pea coat?
Shawn takes the windbreaker, and walks out of the office. A few seconds later, he’s back.
Gus: Hands down, worst stormer-outer ever.
Stig, Juice Box, and Nix with their guns out follow Shawn inside the office.
Nix: Psychic detective? That’s pretty cool. You must have seen some wild stuff.
Shawn: Oh, you have no idea. Once there was this shark, actually there was…
Shawn: Right. This kills me to say, but, Tommy, you are a thief and you are a murderer. We know you killed Max. You pinned it on Gina, and you almost managed to bamboozle me with your incredible awesomeness.
Shawn: Sorry, dude, I will never doubt you ever again.
Gus: Now who’s a liar?
Shawn: Touche. Listen, it’s over. We got you. You can’t kill everyone.
Nix and his crew snicker.
Nix: Yeah, you’re right. Max used the car as an insurance policy against me coming after him. He thought I wouldn’t risk destroying something that meant so much to me, but he just didn’t know me as well as he thought he did.
Nix chases Max driving along side Max, and shoots him in the head.
Nix: I’m not the one to lose ever. He was sloppy so he had to go. For Gina, eventually they’re going to figure out that she’s innocent. But by them, I’ll be long gone. So, unfortunately that just leaves one thing to do before I leave.
Nix: You tell me I can’t do something. I’m going to show you that I can or I’m gonna die trying.
Shawn: The Lamborghini. You’re gonna to steal the Lamborghini again.
Nix: Psychic! Told you right?
Shawn: That’s insane. It’s locked up in the police impound.
Nix: You’re not getting it. This is where you come in. You’re gonna go, and you’re gonna to get it.
Shawn: Is that right? Suppose I go there and tell them exactly what you’re up to.
Nix: You’re probably gonna have to, but I just want you to know, Shawn, that, um, if I see any cops coming…
Nix goes over to Gus, and puts his arm with the hand holding his gun around Gus.
Nix: Your friend’s going to die.
Shawn drives the Lamborghini to where Nix and his crew are.
Nix: That was quick. Guys at impound must have not been paying attention.
Shawn: No, they were. Then I busted out the Rice Krispie treats. It’s like fly paper, man. Seriously, those things are really sticky. Where’s Gus?
Nix: This guy’s always entertaining, you know? I’m going to miss that.
Shawn: Save your compliments, Tommy.
Nix: Toss me the keys.
Shawn: Gus first!
Gus: I’m in here. Let me out!
Shawn: Seriously, dudes? There’s plenty of room in this car! Why’d you have to put him in the trunk?
Juice Box: It’s a very small back seat.
Gus knocks on the trunks hood. Nix opens the hood, and Gus hops out of the trunk. Nix points a gun at him.
Nix: Get over there. Now toss me the keys.
Shawn looks at the keys.
Nix: I like you, Shawn, but I will kill you.
Shawn tosses Nix the keys.
Nix: That’s a smart move. Let’s go. Get over here. All right, good.
Nix inspects the Lamborghini, and takes out something.
Shawn: What is that?
Nix: Cops put a tracker on this car. I’d do the same thing. Cops aren’t stupid. I’m just smarter.
Nix throws the tracker.
Nix: All right, let’s say they’re about two minutes away. Boys, we’re good to go. Get out of here, all right? Just scatter.
Stig: Catch you later.
Juice Box: See you boys.
Nix: You know I was serious when I said that it would be good to have a guy like you come along. You should come with use. Come on. You got the kamikaze in you. I can smell it.
Shawn: It’s not the kamikaze. It’s CK One. It’s for men and women. And you know what, you’re full of it, man. God’s greatest gift is not adrenaline. It’s friendship. I would never do anything to hurt Gus. Even if he betrayed me. And he feels the same way about me.
Nix: Have it your way.
Nix hops in the Lamborghini, and drives away.
Gus: So, we’re letting him go?
Shawn: Shouldn’t that sentence start with, “Hey, man, thanks for saving my life?”
Gus: Okay. Thank you. But we’re still letting a murderer go free.
Shawn: I got three zucchini and a gourd that says we’re not.
The police chase Nix. He speeds up even more aiming to reach 200.
Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara wait at the end of the road.
Lassiter: That crazy son of a bitch isn’t gonna stop.
As soon as the Lamborghini hit 200 it starts to falter, and lose speed.
Lassiter and O’Hara have their guns up.
Nix: No! No! Come on! No!
The Lamborghini slowly comes to a halt.
Lassiter: Maybe he is. Move in!
The police surround Nix. Later, the police remove vegetables from the muffler of the Lamborghini.
Jules: Vegetables in the tailpipe. I don’t know if that’s brilliant or stupid.
Gus: Probably stupid.
Shawn: Well, there’s a fine line between the two.
Nix: Hey, Shawn, still about freedom and barriers. No regrets, Bro.
Shawn: Yeah. Good luck selling that to the other murderers in cell block C, Bro.
Nix: Mrs. Whiddleberry, nothing personal.
Gus: The name is Gus.
Jules: Mrs. Whiddleberry?
Gus: It used to be G-Force.
Shawn: Briefly. Very briefly.
Lassiter: Well, Spencer, this was a big collar for you. Congratulations. It’s a shame I have to put in a recommendation for your suspension.
Lassiter: You stole a car from the police impound.
Shawn: He was gonna kill Gus.
Lassiter: He was bluffing.
Shawn: I’m afraid I couldn’t take that chance.
Lassiter: You don’t negotiate with kidnappers. It’s Cop 101.
Jules: But we’re talking about Gus. He’s one of us.
Gus: Excuse me?
Lassiter: I’m sorry. That was insensitive. The fact of the matter is I’m quite fond of you, Guster. Although, professionally, I do often wonder what you bring to the table.
Lassiter: I’m being honest.
Gus: Okay, Lassie, things Gus brings to the table. One, the blueberry. Two, the super sniffer. Three, a positive working attitude. Four, feng shui expertise.
Lassiter walks away, and Gus follows him.
Shawn: Oh, it is such a shame that you didn’t get to see me behind the wheel of that machine.
Shawn: what do you say the two of us take it for a little spin?
Jules: It’s still evidence, Shawn.
Shawn: You know you want to.
Jules: No. No. I really don’t.
Shawn: Yeah, you do because you have the kamikaze in you, and I can smell it from a mile away.
Jules: That’s disgusting.
Shawn: That’s Point Break!
Jules: Never seen it.
Shawn: You’ve never seen Point Break?
Jules: Nope. I’ve seen Fast Break.
Shawn: Fast Break? With Gabe Kaplan?
Shawn sneaks into the Lamborghini.
Lassiter: Spencer get out of that car!
This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing)” episode was written by Kell Cahoon & Tim Meltreger. Psych is owned by GEP Productions Inc., NBC Universal Television, Pacific Mountain Productions, and Tagline Television.
Watch the Psych episode Shawn and Gus in Drag (Racing)
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