Monday, February 2, 2009

Forget Me Not – Psych Transcript 1.9

Gus and Shawn drink soup1986, young Shawn Spencer and young Gus Spencer are on their school field trip.

Teacher: Everyone stay together, please. Our next stop is the primate habitat.
Shawn: You hear that, Trish? Monkeys. We’re going to visit your family.
Trish: Knock it off, Shawn.
Teacher: Now, some people believe that the next animal we’re going to see is the ugliest creature in the whole animal kingdom. Does anybody want to guess which animal that is?
Shawn: It’s definitely gotta be Trish!
Trish: I hate you, Shawn Spencer!

Henry Spencer is right behind the kids chaperoning.   Continue reading...

Henry: Shawn!

Henry Spencer gives his child the evil eye.

Boy: I wonder what it is!

Children watch as an ostrich squawks. Shawn Spencer runs to their teacher, Ms. Bodansky who is sitting at the bench fanning herself.

Shawn: Ms. Bodansky, I think the ostrich might be choking.

Ms. Bodansky turns to the ostrich that is indeed choking.

Ms. Bodansky: Oh, I wouldn’t worry. I’m sure it’s just eating. Yeah, that’s..that’s how they swallow their food.
Shawn: I’m pretty sure that’s not food.

Later, Shawn Spencer runs inside the school bus. His father is right behind him.

Henry: A tennis ball, Shawn? What are you thinking? What are you doing throwing a tennis ball at an ostrich?

Another child’s father sees Henry Spencer scolding his son.

Henry: The thing could have died, and the zoo would have made me pay for it. I don’t even know what an ostrich costs.
Shawn: I didn’t do it. I didn’t throw the ball!
Henry: Stop lying, Shawn. You’re only making things worse!

The man alights the school bus.

Man: Maybe he’s telling the truth.

The man turns to Shawn.

Man: Are you, Shawn? Are you telling the truth?
Shawn: Yes, sir.
Man: Did you see who did throw it?

Shawn Spencer looks out the window at Trish.

Shawn: No sir, but I think it might have been an accident. I think they meant to hit me.
Man: I believe him. He’s telling the truth.
Henry: With all due respect, Captain, you call the shots at work, not here. You deal with your kid. I’ll deal with mine.

Henry turns to Shawn.

Henry: You, scoot over.

Shawn Spencer scoots over, and his father sits beside him. The Captain turns to Shawn Spencer.

Captain: I believe you, Shawn.

The Captain winks at him. Shawn Spencer looks outside, and watches the Captain as he walks over to his daughter, Trish.

Present day, Shawn Spencer watches the Captain arguing with his daughter.

Shawn: Gus!
Gus: What?
Shawn: Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus, Gus! Come here!

Burton Guster walks over to their office window where Shawn is.

Gus: What?
Shawn: Look at this.

Gus peeps out the window.

Shawn: Isn’t that, uh, Trish Connors?
Gus: Yeah, yeah, yeah, and her dad.
Shawn: Whoa! Wow, she looks…
Gus: Hot!
Shawn: I was gonna say vulnerable, maybe a little upset, but…
Gus: I mean, she was cute in high school, but she sure has grown. I wonder what Trish and Captain Connors are talking about?
Shawn: Why don’t I just read her lips?
Gus: ‘Cause you can’t?
Shawn: Sure, I can. Shh! Shh! Shh!

Shawn Spencer imitates a woman’s voice.

Shawn: “I’m sorry, father. I can’t fight it any longer. I love Shawn. I’m in love with Shawn.”

Burton Guster imitates an old man’s voice.

Gus: “Stop pretending to be insane, daughter.”

Shawn returns to his normal voice.

Shawn: Daughter? He calls her, “daughter”?
Gus: “You know you belong with Gus! He’s smarter and funnier, plus he has abs like Bruce Lee.”
Shawn: Whoa! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Okay, okay. If we’re gonna do the lip-reading game, we have to say things that are at least remotely believable.
Gus: I am.
Shawn: “Abs like Bruce Lee”?
Gus: Dude, they’re coming in!

Gus runs away from the window. Shawn looks out the window, and sees that Captain Connors and his daughter are making their way towards their office. Shawn runs to his desk.

Shawn: Act natural.

Gus goes over to the fridge.

Trish: Hello? Is anybody here?

Trish Connors enters the room.

Trish: Oh, hey! Shawn?

Shawn Spencer sits on his chair with his eyes closed and back turned away from the door.

Trish: Um, you probably don’t remember me…

Shawn Spencer raises his hand.

Shawn: Don’t speak!
Trish: Oh!

Trish Connors sees Gus and waves at him.

Shawn: I’m seeing a face, a face from the past. We know each other.
Trish: Yes, we do.
Shawn: I said no speaking.
Trish: Oh, sorry.
Shawn: We were classmates.
Trish: Yes! Sorry!
Shawn: Did we ever kiss?
Trish: No.
Shawn: I’m sorry. That image may very well be coming from the not-too-distant future. I’m getting a name…Connor. Trish?

Shawn Spencer turns around to face Trish Connors.

Shawn: Trish Connors?
Trish: Wow!
Shawn: Look at you! Oh, my God! You look amazing! What are you doing down here?

Trish Connors laughs.

Trish: That’s…
Shawn: Wait.

Shawn Spencer puts his hand near his temple.

Shawn: Why am I sensing your father?
Trish: Uh…Dad!

Trish laughs in disbelief. Captain Connors enters the room.

Shawn: Yes.

Shawn clears his throat.

Shawn: Captain Connors, it is so good to see you again, Sir.

Shawn Spencer shakes the hand of Captain Connors.

Shawn: Please, come in, guys! Sit down in our cushy chair!
Trish: Dad, you remember Shawn and Gus, we went to highs school together.
Captain: I know who they are. That’s Henry’s boy. You don’t have to speak to me as though I’m a child. Now, the reason that uh, we came to see you…

Captain Connors wears his glasses while he has another glasses on his head.

Captain: Is that there is a…

Captain Connors fidgets with the pieces of paper he is holding.

Captain: Um…
Trish: Dad, do you want me to hold something or…
Captain: No, no, not now, please. I have to just…

Captain Connors removes his glasses and realizes that he has another one on his head.

Captain: Oh, damn it!

Shawn Spencer notices a note written on Captain Connors’ sleeve. It reads “SPENCER KID HELP 187”.

Shawn: Nobody breathe. I’m seeing something. Gus. There was violence. Murder.
Captain: Yes.
Shawn: There was a murder.
Captain: Yes, exactly. A murder, a 187, and I solved it. You bet your ass!
Gus: So, what do you need us for?
Captain: Because, damn it, I can’t remember who’s been killed!
Trish: Or who the killer was.
Gus: Did you go to the police?
Captain: Oh, they’re useless, all of them. Without evidence, they won’t even speak to you. Thirty years I spent on that force, but they still refuse to believe me when I tell them that there was a murder, and that I solved it! But I’m having trouble remembering. Actually, remembering anything. That’s why I’m here to see if you could…maybe you could look into my head. See what I can’t find there. But you believe me, don’t you?
Shawn: Yes, Sir. I believe you.

Later, Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster goes to a café.

Shawn: So, your Trish says that this is where her father comes every morning for his coffee. He was here when he thought he saw the murder.
Gus: So?
Shawn: So, maybe we’ll see something that led an ex-cop to believe a murder had been committed.

Gus takes a seat at one of the tables outside.

Shawn: Plus, double-chocolate mango-pineapple scones made fresh daily. What I’m saying, Gus, the morning is essentially a win-win.

Shawn Spencer sees a newspaper crossword puzzle on the table, and notices the handwriting where all the little letter Is are not just dotted, but circled.

Shawn: Oh no.
Gus: What?
Shawn: Gus, little “i”s, little “i”s. We gotta go!
Gus: What:
Shawn: Little “i”s!

Burton Guster follows Shawn as they walk away from the café.

Gus: What about Connors? What about the double-chocolate mango-pineapple?
Shawn: Forget the scones. There’s only one person I know who makes the…

Henry Spencer steps out of the café to the outdoor seating area. Captain Connors is right behind him.

Henry: Don’t rush off on my account!
Shawn: Dad.
Henry: Shawn, you remember my old captain, Brett Connors.
Shawn: Of course, Captain Connors. How are you, Sir?

Shawn Spencer walks over to Captain Connors and shakes his hand. Captain Connors smiles at Shawn Spencer, and shakes his hand.

Captain: Look at you fellas, all grown up! How long’s it been, huh?
Shawn: About a day.
Gus: Less, actually.

At the Santa Barbara police station, a woman approaches Detective O’Hara:

Woman: Excuse me.
Juliet: Yes, can I help you?
Woman: I…I don’t know. My name is Sabrina. Vito. Sabrina Vito. And, um, I think that my boyfriend might be missing.

The woman holds up a missing person’s flyer.

Woman: Um, he hasn’t called and he won’t answer the phone, and I’m a little afraid that something might have happened. So, I’ve been putting these up all over town.
Juliet: It’s okay. Why don’t you come over here and sit down?
Woman: Okay.

Shawn and Gus are at the café with his father, Captain Connors, and another former policeman.

Henry: Oh, that’s right, that’s right. That’s right, this chick was sunbathing naked in the plaza.
Shawn: No!
Captain: You should have seen your old man chasing her with the cuffs. This gal was so covered with suntan oil every time he grabbed her she squirted right out of his hands.

Everybody laughs.

Shawn Spencer notices Captain Connors portfolio filled with post-its. He reads one that says “WM, 20’S SHAVED MC PAR”

Captain: And that reminds me of that 502…

Shawn Spencer notices the missing person’s flyer with a picture of a bald guy posted on the post.

Captain: That we picked up that New Year’s Eve, over on Olive Avenue.
Man: How do you remember all this stuff?
Captain: Ah it’s easy. Like it was yesterday.
Shawn: Speaking of yesterday, Captain, is this the table that you always sit at? Because I’m getting something here. The murder?
Captain: The murder?
Shawn: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you were sitting here when you saw the victim.
Henry: Shawn, what are you talking about?
Captain: Shut up, Henry. I solved a new murder, and your boy here’s the only one who believes me. Now, let the kid work!

Shawn stammers:

Shawn: I’m seeing a man, uh, 5’9”, 5’10” tops. Shaved head.
Captain: Yes! Yes!
Shawn: Yes, yes…uh, uh, his name…um, Mif…Mif-you…No. Mmm. May? Mick? Mmm. Mike! His name is Mike.
Captain: He was arguing over in the park with that bastard Mort Crocker. He pinned it on a mountain lion! Now, if I can just prove it.
Henry: All right, look, why don’t I play psychic here for a moment? It wasn’t a young man. It was a young woman. She’s pretty. Brunette hair, nice figure, she liked to play Scrabble with her friends. Her name was Zoe.
Captain: Yeah, you’re right. That’s who was murdered. They said it was a mountain lion, but they were wrong!

Henry Spencer walks to his truck. Shawn runs after him.

Shawn: Dad, you’re amazing! Maybe my psychic gift is hereditary.

Henry Spencer sighs.

Henry: Shawn, Zoe Sharp is a young woman who was found dead 20 years ago, mauled by a mountain lion. Connors and I worked the case.

Henry hops inside his pickup truck.

Shawn: So, she was murdered?
Henry: She was in the wrong place at the wrong time. A tragedy? Yes. A murder? No. Not then, and not now.
Shawn: Okay, okay, let’s forget Zoe Sharp, may she rest in peace. But Connors still saw the guy on the “Missing” poster arguing with Mort Crocker in the park.

Henry gets out of his truck.

Shawn: What?
Henry: Shawn, we have no idea what Connors saw or what he didn’t see. The man is ill. Early-onset Alzheimer’s. His mind, the past, the present, it’s all screwy. It’s all the same to him. So, he sees Crocker standing there in the park. It triggers an old memory of Zoe. Next thing you know…

Henry whistles and makes a “cuckoo” gesture.

Henry: He’s living in the past.

Henry hops back inside his truck.

Shawn: Dad, this guy’s your friend. He came to me for help.
Henry: Shawn, leave him be. He doesn’t need your help to make him look like an old fool. He deserves better than that.

Shawn and Gus are back at their office.

Gus: Shawn!

Shawn Spencer is playing a handheld video game.

Shawn: Run, little alien! Run!
Gus: Shawn.
Shawn: What?
Gus: You’re gonna want to see this.
Shawn: See what?

Burton Guster shows Shawn Spencer the newspaper.

Gus: Look!

Shawn reads the newspaper.

Shawn: Uh, coincidence?
Gus: I don’t think so.

The newspaper reads “Missing hiker dead; maued by mountain lion”. Later, Shawn Spencer shows Trish Connors the newspaper.

Trish: So, when my dad said he solved a murder, you think this is the guy that was killed?
Gus: Well…
Shawn: It seems like a simple question, doesn’t it, Trish? I’m afraid the answer is a bit more complicated. You see, a psychic, it is important that I elicit the proper, uh…

Gus annoyed with Shawn starts to mock him. Shawn sees Gus. He stops talking then imitates a whip lashing. Shawn starts to laugh.

Shawn: I’m sorry. Raise your hand if you want to know how my amazing gift works!

Gus silently mocks Shawn once again.

Shawn: Um, Gus, you’re so much better at this. Why don’t you, uh, tell Trish how I works. I’ve got some stuff I need to do.

Shawn gets up his chair.

Gus: Sure.

Shawn walks over to the next room leaving Gus and Trish. Gus leads Trish over to his desk.

Gus: Uh, the answer to your question is yes, we do believe that is the victim.
Trish: So…

Gus points at the empty chair.

Gus: Please.
Trish: So, what’s the next step?

Trish and Gus both take a seat.

Gus: Well, being that the authorities believe he was killed by a mountain lion, Shawn is going to attempt to illicit a psychic link with this suspect. In order to establish his guilt of innocence.

Shawn Spencer who is at another room starts fooling around in order to distract Gus. Shawn imitates a gorilla.

Trish: And by suspect, you mean…
Gus: The mountain lion, yes.

Trish looks boggled. She turns around, and sees Shawn sitting on a desk reading a book.

Trish: Amazing.
Gus: Not really, it’s…it’s…it’s fairly common for a psychic to be able to read different species of the animal kingdom.

Trish laughs.

Trish: No, not that.

Shawn Spencer stands on his desk and starts dirty dancing.

Gus: What?
Trish: The way that he’s sitting there so quiet. I mean, in high school he was always so loud, and needed attention constantly, and needed to be noticed, and he just would not shut up! He was so annoying. He drove me nuts! But now…

Trish turns around to look at Shawn once again, and sees him sitting and reading.

Trish: I mean, look at him, he’s so calm, so unobtrusive, and the way he let you just step in and take over like that. I think he’s really matured.

Shawn Spencer notices that he’s holding the book upside down. He corrects his mistake.

Gus: Yeah, yeah, he has.

Later, Shawn Spencer visits his father who is trimming bushes.

Shawn: Dad!
Henry: No! No!
Shawn: He was mauled by a mountain lion. You don’t find that the least bit coincidental?
Henry: Of course it’s coincidental, Shawn, but it doesn’t make it murder.
Shawn: No, it makes it an episode of When Animals Attack: Santa Barbara.
Henry: Yes, well, mountain lions do attack in Santa Barbara. In fact, you watch the news, right? That’s your source of psychic information? It happens.
Shawn: Connors came to me. He says, “I solved a murder”.
Henry: Shawn, Connors was a good cop, and the thing that made him a good cop is that he never accepted the easy answer. But that doesn’t mean that he was always right. Obviously, somewhere in his mind he’s confused something that happened 20 years ago with something that’s happened today.

Henry Spencer drops his trimmer on the ground, and walks away.

Shawn: Okay, fine.

Shawn follows his father.

Shawn: Talk to me more about twenty years ago.

Shawn runs ahead to block his father.

Shawn: How does Zoe Sharp connect to Mort Crocker?

Henry sighs.

Henry: Mort Crocker founded the Mort’s family restaurant chain. He was the CEO. At the time, Zoe Sharp was his assistant, and…there was a rumor…a rumor! That they were having an affair.

Henry walks passed Shawn, and pours himself a drink.

Shawn: Nice, that’s good stuff! And Connors knew about it?
Henry: Of course, he knew about it. Every good cop makes it his job to know about things like that, but there was never any proof, Shawn. No proof! And even if there was, somewhere in some corner of his mind there is a memory, a lingering memory, searching for closure.
Shawn: But then eh sees Mike here…

Shawn pulls up the newspaper.

Shawn: Arguing with Mort Crocker.
Henry: Connors is not the most reliable witness, Shawn.
Shawn: Dad, he’s onto something. One mountain lion, two mountain lions! Mountain lions!
Henry: You’re right. You should talk to a mountain lion.

Later, Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster sneak inside the Wildlife Park office where the mountain lion is being held.

Gus: Whoa!

Shawn Spencer imitates Mufasa.

Shawn: Simba! I am your father.
Gus: I don’t think Mufasa said that.
Shawn: Ah, Mufasa, Vader, I’m Not Rappaport, it’s all James Earl Jones.
Gus: I’m Not Rappaport was Ossie Davis.
Shawn: It still works.

Shawn notices scratch mark on the mountain lion.

Gus: We’re not even supposed to be in here.
Shawn: Relax. I love cats, and it’s been proven that cats love me.
Gus: Well, this cat, likes to eat people.
Shawn: Here, kitty, kitty, kitty, kitty.

Shawn Spencer baby talks the mountain lion.

Shawn: You’re not gonna eat anybody.

The mountain lion growls.

Gus and Shawn run outside the room.

Shawn: No!
Woman: What’s going on here? Who authorized you to be in here?

Shawn Spencer notices two visitor passes for Dr. Hans Jorgenson, and Dr. McTock.

Shawn: Uh…

Shawn Spencer imitates a Swedish accent.

Shawn: Please, excuse us. Um, I am Dr. Hans Jorgenson, and this is my very distinguished colleague, Dr. Mc…

Shawn Spencer makes a clicking noise.

Shawn: Tock.
Woman: I..I am so sorry. I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow.
Shawn: Yeah, we have arrived early.
Woman: Well, well, I am happy you’re here. I’m Joan Walker, the zoo director. Oh, let’s see.

Joan Walker takes the two visitor passes on the table.

Joan: Oh, look! Dr. Hans Jorgenson.

Joan hands Shawn the visitor pass for Dr. Hans Jorgenson.

Shawn: Look what they have done for us!
Joan: Dr. Mc…

Shawn: Uh, Dr. Mc…

Shawn makes a clicking noise.

Shawn: Tock.
Joan: Dr. Mc…

Joan tries to imitate the clicking noise that Shawn did.

Joan: Tock.

Shawn and Gus stares at the woman.

Shawn: Mmm…
Joan: Oh, what?
Shawn: Oh, it’s nothing, uh, you see, the Kosov language is very difficult to master, yes? It seems you have, uh, inadvertently uttered a vile Kosov obscenity.
Joan: Oh, I am terribly sorry.
Shawn: Don’t worry. My colleague only speaks the English at a very pre-school level, and he is very forgiving of others. Uh, for instance, yesterday I poured a hot cocoa all over his genitals, and I say, “I’m sorry”, and it’s fine. Now, uh, is that the man-eating lion that we have read so much about?
Joan: No, no. He’s not a man-eater. No, no, if he attacked, it’s only because he was malnourished.
Shawn: So, tell us. Why is the cat so malnourished?
Joan: I really don’t know. I mean, we had record rainfall this year. There’s an abundance of foliage for his prey to feed on. He should be fat, but he’s underweight.
Shawn: Uh, perhaps it is because everyone in California is on the diet? Yup? All of the surfing boys and the model girls.

Gus chuckles.

Shawn: I mean, someone, anyone, please give them a sandwich, yeah?

The phone rings.

Shawn: Meatball, uh-huh?

Joan Walker picks up the phone. While Joan is at the other room answering the phone, Shawn Spencer whispers to Burton Guster.

Shawn: What is that? The cat doesn’t look like it’s eaten in weeks.
Gus: Doesn’t make sense.

At the other room, Joan Walker is on the phone.

Joan: Yes, this is Joan. Oh, well, where is Dr. Zamfir? Actually, no, no, stay right there. I might have someone who can help us.

Joan Walker hangs up the phone, and steps out of the office. She approaches Gus and Shawn.

Joan: Seems we have a bit of a situation. One of our warthogs is ready to give birth, but our vet is away on emergency. Could you please ask Dr. Mc…the doctor, if, as a distinguished veterinarian, he would please help us bring a new warthog into the world?
Shawn: Please excuse while we confer.

Shawn turns to Gus.

Shawn: Uh…Pumba…

Both Shawn and Gus make clicking sounds.

Shawn: Meercat…

Gus and Shawn argue with clicking sounds. Gus makes animal sounds. Shawn answers him with an animal sound. Gus continues making clicking sounds. Shawn imitates a crying baby. Gus continues making sounds. Shawn turns to Joan Walker.

Shawn: Uh, he would be honored, yes. So, just lead us the way.
Joan: Thank you. Thank you.

Joan Walker walks away. Gus turns to Shawn.

Gus: What are you doing? We don’t know anything about delivering warthog babies!
Shawn: Oh! A baby is a baby. You just pull it out at the right time! The real question is, are you allergic to placenta?

Gus runs outside park section where the warthog is.

Gus: Oh, God! My eyes! My eyes!

Gus runs over to a garbage can, and vomits.

Detective Lassiter together with Detective O’Hara leads Mr. Crocker to a conference room at the Santa Barbara Police Station.

Lassiter: Again, Mr. Crocker, thank you for coming in. I know how hectic your schedule is.
Crocker: Don’t mention it, Detective Lassiter. I’m never too busy to help Santa Barbara’s finest.

Detective Lassiter takes a seat. Mr. Crocker follows him then Detective O’Hara.

Crocker: Why don’t you tell me what his is about?
Jules: Did you see this in the paper?

Detective O’Hara shows Mr. Crocker the newspaper where the headline is about the missing hiker.

Crocker: Yes, I did. Sad.
Lassiter: We have information that you were seen with the victim the day before his body was found.
Crocker: No, it wasn’t me. Why don’t we just cut to the chase? It was that detective, Connors wasn’t it?

Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara look at each other.

Crocker: Twenty years and he still can’t let it go.
Lassiter: I really can’t say.

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster drive to the park trail.

Shawn: Mike’s body was found on this trail.
Gus: It’s closed. Now what?

The signboard reads: “TRAIL CONDITIONS WARNING DANGER MOUNTAIN LION TRAIL CLOSED”.

Shawn sighs.

Shawn: Just hold on. Let me think a minute. Okay. I have a plan. It’s a little crazy.
Gus: Okay.
Shawn: But it might just work.
Gus: What?

Shawn Spencer steps over the chain where the sign that says “TRAIL CLOSED” hangs.

Shawn: Dude! We totally made it. We’re in!
Gus: Shawn, in case you’re confused, “closed” means, “go away”. “Stay out.”
Shawn: Yes, in the negative language dictionary, which is clearly the only edition you own. But in the positive language edition, closed means, “Come in, step over the chain, there’s so many less people to trample all over what you’re looking for.”

Later, Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster go deep into the woods.

Gus: You really think you can track the animal?
Shawn: Perhaps you’ve forgotten about my extensive experience with the Native Americans, a proud and solvent people.
Gus: Working at the Flaming Tomahawk?
Shawn: So, you do remember.
Gus: Shawn, you were a greeter in the casino, for a week.
Shawn: The only non-Native American to be awarded an eagle feather. Always remember that, Gus.
Gus: Oh, please!

Shawn Spencer points at something on the ground.

Shawn: Black lab! Akita! Lizard.
Gus: Okay, now you’re just making stuff up.
Shawn: Flamingo.
Gus: What if we do find these mountain lion tracks? What then?
Shawn: Well, we clearly follow them to the kill zone and look for clues.
Gus: What kill zone?

Shawn Spencer notices a paw mark on the ground.

Gus: What?

Shawn kneels on the ground next to the paw mark.

Shawn: Felis cocolor. It’s Latin for mountain lion.

Shawn sniffs.

Shawn: Let’s follow them, and see where they lead.

Shawn and Gus stand with their hand and feet imitating a mountain lion.

Shawn: This is it!
Gus: What?
Shawn: The kill zone. The kill happened here. Except…
Gus: Except what?
Shawn: Except the drag marks are coming from that direction. The lion tracks we followed are over there. If this lion dragged and killed its prey, the tracks and the marks should match up. They should come from the same direction. Gus, you know what this means?
Gus: The murder didn’t happen here.
Shawn: Exactly. This cat was framed.

A shotgun cocks. Shawn and Gus are startled to see a park ranger with his shotgun pointed right at them.

Ranger: I guess you guys can’t read. This area is closed.

Later, Shawn and Gus are the park ranger’s house sitting sipping soup with a blanket over them.

Gus: What are we doing here? I’m burning up in this thing.
Shawn: No, you’re not.
Gus: Yes, I am.
Shawn: You’ve been wandering lost in the woods for two nights, and you’re suffering from extreme hypothermia. Now, shiver!

The park ranger enters the living room where Shawn and Gus are.

Ranger: How are you feeling? Better?
Shawn: Oh, Ranger De Soto, this soup is amazing. Gus called it a chowder, and I’m tempted to agree.

Park Ranger De Soto laughs.

Shawn: Do you think you might have any crackers to go with it? Perhaps those little oyster kind?
Ranger De Soto: I’ll check.
Shawn: You’re too kind.

Shawn fakes a shiver.

Gus: Crackers, really? For someone who supposedly drinks his own urine, your palate is suddenly very sophisticated.

Shawn notices the plaques on the wall.

Gus: Let’s get out of here!
Shawn: We can’t.

Shawn Spencer notices that all the plaques are presented by The Crocker Foundation.

Shawn: We’ve got work to do. I think there’s more to this gun-totting ranger than meets the eye.

Shawn Spencer notices a photo of Ranger De Soto and Mr. Crocker, and his wife.

Shawn: Like what? Well, for starters…

Shawn Spencer gets up the couch, and makes his way to the framed photograph. Burton Guster follows him.

Shawn: He just happens to know the infamous Mort Crocker and his wife, Edna.
Gus: Shawn, it’s a fundraiser. The Crockers probably posed with everybody in there.
Shawn: What about the giant cage outside?
Gus: What about it?

Shawn looks out the window, and notices that there’s blood on the cage’s loose wire. He remembers the scratch marks on the mountain lion.

Shawn: I suspect that at one point, our man-eating mountain lion was kept in that cage, and sustained a small cut.
Gus: Yeah, when they trapped him and took him to the zoo.

Ranger De Soto returns.

Ranger De Soto: Sorry, all I have is saltines. Is that okay?

Shawn resumes faking a chill.

Shawn: Oh, believe me, when you’re starving you’ll eat anything, including the poop of indigenous beasts.

Gus takes a cracker, and eats it scrumptiously.

Shawn: Speaking of which, when we were lost out there, Gus here was little-girl-scared that we might be eaten by some kind of wild animal. Does that sort of thing ever really happen?
Ranger De Soto: Well, it’s not unheard of. Uh, fact is, we had a guy killed by a mountain lion just a couple of days ago.

Shawn gasps.

Gus: does that kind of thing happen often?
Ranger De Soto: Oh, a few times in the past fifty years.
Gus: I thought mountain lions were afraid of humans.
Ranger De Soto: Generally, but if they get hungry enough. We’ve had a really dry year, that means reduced vegetation, and reduced vegetation means fewer deer and the like for the lions to feed on. You can’t really blame the cat. It gets hungry, and it wants to eat.
Shawn: You mind if I ask you a question that’s completely unrelated?
Ranger De Soto: Sure.
Shawn: Is that real mahogany?

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster walk over the bridge.

Shawn: Now, what do we know? We know there was plenty of rain this year, no reason for a mountain lion to be malnourished. Why was Ranger De Soto lying?
Gus: Why do people usually lie? He’s hiding something.

Former Captain Connors arrives at the Santa Barbara Police Station wearing his old police uniform.

Connors: Henry Spencer back from lunch yet?
Desk Sergeant: Henry Spencer? I’m sorry, who are you?
Connors: Just tell him to come and find me. We need to go over that Zoe Sharp file again.

Captain Connors makes his way further inside the police station.

Desk Sergeant: Whoa! Excuse me, Sir. You can’t go back there!

Captain Connors takes of his jacket, and hangs it on the wall. He takes a seat on Detective Lassiter’s desk.

Connors: What the hell is all this?

Detective Lassiter arrives.

Lassiter: Captain Connors?

Captain Connors pulls out a drawer, and takes out some files.

Connors: Yeah.
Lassiter: May I help you? This is my desk.
Connors: Look, son. I don’t know who the hell you are, but you’re confused. This is my desk. It’s been my desk for years. Now, you can either help me find the Zoe Sharp file, or take a hike.
Lassiter: You know what? Um, maybe there’s someone we should call.
Connors: Hey, look, I don’t have time for all this crap. I’ve got work to do!
Lassiter: Sir, please. Don’t make this difficult.
Connors: Hey, you wanna dance, pal?

Captain Connors readies for a fistfight.

Connors: You just name that tune. Come on!

Shawn and Gus arrive at the Santa Barbara Police Station.

Gus: I don’t know, Shawn. Accusing Crocker of murder’s a pretty big deal. It doesn’t bother you that we’re missing things like motive, where the murder took place, or any kind of evidence or proof?
Shawn: News flash, Gus, the cops think I’m a psychic. I just have to get a feeling at the right time.
Trish: Shawn! Gus!
Shawn: What are you doing here?

Trish Connors runs over to Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster.

Trish: My father, he’s disappeared.
Man: Hey!
Gus: Come on.
Trish: Where?

Gus, Shawn and Trish run to where the commotion is.
Captain Connors punches Detective Lassiter. Detective Lassiter’s nose starts bleeding.

Lassiter: All right, now you are starting to piss me off, old man.

Captain Connors throws another punch at Detective Lassiter, but Carlton blocks it, and restrains the old man.

Lassiter: It’s time for you to go.

Captain Connors sees Shawn Spencer.

Connors: Henry! Henry! Tell them who I am!

Shawn Spencer looks behind him expecting to see his father, but he is not there.

Shawn: Um…
Gus: I think he’s talking to you.
Shawn: Oh, God, please tell me I don’t look anything like my father.
Gus: You could be his twin.
Shawn: Look at the back of my head. Is my hair starting to thin at all?
Gus: Shawn!
Shawn: What?
Connors: Henry!
Shawn: Uh, I think we all know who this is. This is Captain Brett Connors, one of the finest cops in the SBPD, someone I’d be happy to share a squad car with.
Lassiter: What the hell is going on, Spencer?
Shawn: This man happens to be my friend, now let him go.
Lassiter: He’s your responsibility. Get him out of here.
Shawn: Let’s go, Captain.

Shawn Spencer escorts Captain Connors out of the police station.

Connors: I should report them all to Internal Affairs. They should be brought up on charges.
Shawn: I couldn’t agree more. You head home, I’ll draw up the paperwork.

Later, Shawn Spencer spots Sabrina Vito sitting on a bench beside a file box with the name McMillan, M written on it. Shawn remembers the name of the dead hiker as Michael McMillan. Shawn whispers to Gus.

Shawn: That’s the girlfriend.

Shawn Spencer approaches Sabrina Vito.

Shawn: I’m sorry to disturb you. Was his name, Mike?
Sabrina: Yeah, it was. How did you know?
Shawn: Shawn Spencer, police psychic. I know that this must be a very tough time for you.
Sabrina: Sabrina.
Shawn: Sabrina…I am so sorry for your loss.
Sabrina: You know, he’d come all this way. Lived so much, and his whole life can be condensed into a few items in this box.

Shawn Spencer notices the dirt on the sole of his rubber shoes.

Shawn: Mike wasn’t from here, was he? No, no, he was…he was visiting.
Sabrina: Yeah, that’s right. We were both from Pennsylvania. Mike came out here to search for his birth parents.
Shawn: I am sensing a longing.
Sabrina: He was so sad the first time he called me. He just found out that his birth mother had been dead for almost twenty years.

Shawn Spencer sighs.

Shawn: And that would explain the sadness that I’m feeling.
Sabrina: But then a few days later, he called to say that he thought he had located his birth father. I’d never heard him more excited.
Shawn: Did Mike bring another pair of shoes with him on this trip?
Sabrina: No, no. Just what he had on him. It was pretty sudden, this trip out here.
Shawn: I see.

Shawn Spencer stands up.

Shawn: Sabrina, I’m feeling that Mike does not want you to be sad.

Sabrina Vito stands up.

Sabrina: Can you tell me…did Mike get to meet his birth father? He said he was a really wealthy man, and difficult to get to.
Shawn: Yes.

Shawn smiles.

Shawn: Yes, he did.

Sabrina Vito smiles too.

Shawn Spencer notices a prescription medicine bottle for Biotin.
Later, Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster make their way to the Crocker mansion.

Gus: A Biotin deficiency can be hereditary.
Shawn: It’s not exactly a paternity test, but let’s see if Crocker has the same prescription. If so, we know Connors is right.

Shawn and Gus arrive at the gate of the mansion.

Gus: This is a fortress. We need a plan. I don’t think we can exactly just ring the buzzer, and ask to peek into Mr. Crocker’s medicine cabinet.
Shawn: Why not? That sounds perfectly reasonable to me. Why can’t we be from the state board of medicine cabinet inspectors?
Gus: I don’t know, Shawn. I know I’m right on this one. Let’s think this through.

Shawn Spencer notices a video camera hidden inside a birdhouse by the gate.

Shawn: No, Gus, come on. Let’s go in without a plan, flying by the seat of our pants. It’ll be so much more fun, trust me.

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster walk over to the side of the gate.

Shawn: See, look, man. There’s some kind of commotion happening here. Planning a party. It’s a piece of cake. They’re never gonna notice us.

Shawn and Gus walk inside the Crocker property.

Woman: Excuse me, where are your badges?
Shawn: Oh, I don’t need a badge. I’m the event planner.
Woman: The event planner’s a woman.
Shawn: Yeah, I’m her assistant.
Woman: Also a woman.
Shawn: To the assistant.
Woman: I’m calling security.
Shawn: No, no, no, no! You don’t need to do that.
Woman: Don’t tell me what I need to do. The rules are very strict here.
Shawn: Really? You’re going to let your bosses run you around like that? You’re gonna let the man hold you down? These freak bastards with their rules and regulations? You’re a human person! You need to rise up, and tell them all to go to hell. We can all do it together!


The woman removes her sunglasses.

Shawn: Let us empower you.
Edna: I’m Edna Crocker, and you are one minute away from a squad car ride.
Shawn: Probably ought to let this one go.
Gus: Yeah.

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster visit a pharmacy.

Gus: Hi.
Pharmacist: Hi.
Gus: I’m here to pick up a prescription for a Mr. Croker, Mort Crocker.
Pharmacist: One moment, please.
Gus: Thank you.

Gus walks a few steps back, and turns to Shawn.

Gus: See, you should listen to me every once in a while.
Shawn: That’s not fair. I don’t have access to medical files, and doctor’s names.
Gus: Shawn, I called two pharmacies, while you were being interrogated.
Pharmacist: I don’t have anything from Mr. Crocker.

Gus looks confused. Shawn sniffs, and starts acting anxious.

Shawn: Are you sure about that?
Pharmacist: Yes.
Shawn: Um, can I just get back there for a second?

Shawn starts sucking his thumb.

Pharmacist: I’m sorry, we don’t have anything, and someone has already picked up all of his most recent prescriptions.
Shawn: Is it that bastard, Jimmy Derukie?
Gus: Shawn, please.
Shawn: I’ll tell you what, before I go a little nuts…

Shawn wildly shakes his hands.

Shawn: Why don’t you just give me the name of the prescriptions and we can get out of here.
Gus: Okay, okay, see. It’s along standing prescription. It needs to be renewed. No one’s gonna go nuts here.

Shawn Spencer puts his pinky finger inside his ear then starts making a gurgling sound. The pharmacist’s jaw drops at Shawn’s act. She stammers.

Pharmacist: Okay, no, I do have something, uh, but they picked that up over two months ago.
Gus: Really?
Shawn: What was that? The penicillin?
Pharmacist: No, it was his regular dosage of something called…

Shawn continues his act, and pretends to restrain himself.

Shawn: Biotin.
Pharmacist: Yes, is that what you’re looking for?
Gus: Yes. Thank you.

Shawn Spencer with Gus, Captain Connor, and Trish meets Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara by the public bulletin board near the café where Mike McMillan’s Missing poster still hangs.

Lassiter: All right, Spencer. You said you found an eyewitness for Mike McMillan’s murder. Where is he?
Shawn: Okay, Mike. Go ahead. Tell the detectives exactly what you told me.

Detective Lassiter looks at the poster.

Lassiter: You’re kidding me, right? And we’re out of here.

Detective Lassiter walks away. Detective O’Hara hesitates to leave.

Shawn: Mike says he was in town searching for his natural birth parents.

Detective Lassiter halts.

Shawn: If you don’t believe him, you can ask his girlfriend.
Jules: That’s true. She told me.
Shawn: Did she also tell you that he found his birth father?
Jules: Well, what about his birth mother? Did Mike say if he found her?
Lassiter: No, no. He didn’t say anything.

Detective Lassiter walks over to Detective O’Hara, and turns to her.

Lassiter: See he can’t. He’s a picture on a piece of paper, and dead.
Shawn: You should be ashamed of yourself. Mike said his mother was killed twenty years ago, right after he was born.

Shawn turns to Captain Connors.

Shawn: Her name was Zoe Sharp.
Connors: I knew it. That son of a bitch! He killed her and now he got rid of the baby!
Gus: He protects his business, his reputation, and he doesn’t have to share his wealth. Sounds like a motive for murder to me.
Lassiter: Really?
Gus: Yep.
Lassiter: Then how do you explain the mountain lions? Huh?

Detective Lassiter walks over to the poster.

Lassiter: You’re so smart? How do you explain that?

Shawn stifles a laugh.

Shawn: Lassi, why are you asking him? He was just a baby when his mother was killed. In fact, he wasn’t even there.
Connors: Summer of ’86 was hot and dry. There were a lot of fires. Lions were all going hungry. I remember some of them came right into town looking for food. Crocker killed Zoe, and dumped her body in the hills. He didn’t know about the lions that just happened! They ate the evidence, and covered his tracks! He just got lucky.
Lassiter: What about this time? With Michael, he just got lucky again?
Shawn: No, not this time. This time he had help.

Shawn Spencer pretends to listen to the ghost of Mike McMillan.

Shawn: Ranger De Soup…

Gus whispers to Shawn.

Gus: De Soto.
Shawn: De Soto! De Soto provided the lion.
Connors: De Soto? I know that name. I just can’t remember why.
Shawn: Sir, it’s okay.
Lassiter: Well, I got to hand it to you, Spencer. This is a terrific story. There’s just one problem.
Shawn: Sir, it’s nothing that Mike can’t help us work through.
Lassiter: Crocker has an airtight alibi. He was in Chicago when Mike was killed.
Connors: Oh, he’s lying.

Upset Captain Connors turns his back.

Lassiter: No, I checked it out myself, Sir. He spoke at a symposium in front of two hundred other people.
Connors: No, no. Not again. Not this time.
Trish: Hey, Dad!
Shawn: Sir!

Captain Connors boards his car.

Trish: Daddy?
Lassiter: He wouldn’t do anything stupid, would he?
Shawn: Define “stupid”.
Lassiter: Go up to Crocker himself?

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster look at each other. Shawn grabs the Missing flyer of Mike McMillan from the bulletin board before rushing to their car. Detective Lassiter and Detecive O’Hara are already running to their car.

Shawn: Trish, come on!

The party has already started at the Crocker mansion.

Man: Children, no running!
Crocker: Jane! So nice to see you.

Mort Crocker gives Jane a kiss on the cheek.

Jane: You, too.

Captain Connors comes running towards Mort Crocker. Mort Crocker greets the lady who’s with Jane.

Crocker: How do you do?

Captain Connors pushes Mort Crocker.

Connors: Mort Crocker, you’re under arrest for the murder of Zoe Sharp and Mike McMillan!
Crocker: Mr. Connors, I’m so glad you could make it. Why don’t you help yourself to a drink?
Connors: No, no, no, no. You might fool all of these people, but not me.

Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara arrives. Edna Crocker stands beside his husband.

Edna: Is everything all right, Darling?
Crocker: Everything’s fine. Please, go back to our…

Detective Lassiter and Detective O’Hara run towards Captain Connors.

Lassiter: Captain Connors, Sir, why don’t you let us take you home?

Detective Lassiter turns to the guests, and the Crockers.

Lassiter: Pardon us for the disturbance.

Captain Connors runs away.

Lassiter: Oh, crap!

Shawn Spencer arrives, and yells. Burton Guster runs right behind him. Captain Connors runs as Detective Lassiter chases him followed by Detective O’Hara, Shawn, Gus, and Trish. Captain Connors enters the greenhouse. He trips on a bag of soil, but continues on to find a place to hide. Lassiter enters the greenhouse.

Lassiter: Connors! Oh, come on! Stop acting like a child!

Shawn notices the bag, and the dirt on the floor.

Trish: Dad?

Detective O’Hara sneezes.

Shawn: Bless you.
Jules: Thank you.

Shawn Spencer walks to the table where Captain Connors is hiding. He bends down, and finds him hiding under it. Captain Connors gestures to him to keep silent.

Connors: Shh!

Shawn notices the dirt on Captain Connors shoes, and recalls seeing the same type of dirt on Mike McMillan’s shoes. Shawn stands up.

Shawn: He was here.
Lassiter: Well, of course he’s here. We saw him come in, Sherlock.

Meanwhile, a crowd has gathered outside the greenhouse. Police officers prevent them from entering the greenhouse.

Shawn: No, no. Not Connors. Mike. Mike McMillan was here. What? But you sound all muffled. What are you eating something? How can? Right, right, right. My bad. My bad.

Shawn Spencer pulls out the Missing Person’s flyer from his back pocket, and unfolds it.

Shawn: He was muffled. It was my fault. There. There, that’s so much better.

Edna Crocker, and Mort Crocker enters the greenhouse.

Edna: Please get out of here, now. I don’t allow anyone inside my greenhouse.
Shawn: Well, that’s not exactly true now, is it? You let Mike McMillan in, didn’t you? I mean, this is where you killed him. You see, when Mike’s spirit started talking about Crocker, I thought he meant Mr. Crocker, but it wasn’t. He was talking about Mrs. Crocker.
Lassiter: Well, for your sake, you had better be right this time.
Shawn: He came to see you, but you weren’t here. What? Mike, you know I don’t speak Italian. Shoes. He wants you to check the shoes that he was wearing that day. The soles. You’ll find potting soil in the tread that matches that stuff.
Crocker: Edna, what’s he talking about?
Connors: Edna? That’s why I know the name. Before you were married, your name was Edna De Soto! And you, and your brother John, the park ranger, were in this together.

Flashback: Ranger De Soto drags the dead body of Mike McMillan.

Connors: He used the lion to cover your tracks.

Edna Crocker laughs.

Edna: You’re not really going to believe this old fool, are you?
Shawn: Watch who you’re calling…what?

Shawn turns to the poster.

Shawn: I’m sorry, that was my fault. I just wasn’t paying attention to you. Are you serious? It’s in a bird feeder? No, I’ll say it. There’s a surveillance camera out front.

Flashback: Shawn sees a surveillance camera inside a bird feeder.

Shawn: Apparently, it’s in a bird feeder. If the tape hasn’t been erased, you’ll be able to see him arriving on day he was killed.

Edna Crocker’s face turns blue.

Crocker: Please, Edna, tell me you didn’t.
Edna: What was I supposed to do? Someone had to protect everything we’ve worked so hard for! You would have given him half of everything! Just like you would have his mother!
Crocker: He was my son!
Connors: Detective, arrest this woman, and while you’re at it, issue a warrant for the arrest of John De Soto for the murder of Zoe Sharp and Mike McMillan.
Lassiter: Officers, you heard the captain. Get them out of here.

Police Officers arrest Edna Crocker. Trish Connors gives her father a big hug.

Trish: Dad, I’m so proud of you.

Captain Connors shows Henry Spencer his commendation award.

Henry: Showoff.

Henry Spencer hands back Captain Connors’ award.

Henry: Good for you.
Connors: Yeah, thanks. It’s a real honor, you know. I thought these days were long gone.
Henry: Does that mean you’re coming out of retirement?

Captain Connors laughs.

Connors: What? Are you kidding? I’m lucky if I come out of the fog.
Henry: Well, you gotta keep your brain stimulated.

Henry Spencer pulls up the newspaper’s crossword puzzle.

Henry: Try the crosswords.
Connors: Nah, I like that Sudoku.
Henry: Well, we could always go after cold cases.
Connors: Nah, best leave it to the young guys, huh?

Henry and Captain Connors turn to the table where Shawn, Trish, and Gus are sitting.

Trish: Thanks for giving him this day. I hope he remembers it tomorrow. He couldn’t let go and move on, you know? Shawn?
Shawn: Yeah? What? I’m sorry, I, uh, a little…little lump in my throat.

Gus makes a face. Trish looks at Shawn with sympathy.

Shawn: Speaking of lumps…
Trish: Yes?
Shawn: The ostrich? The tennis ball?
Trish: What?
Shawn: You know what? It’s not a big deal, obviously. But it always bugged me a little. Why didn’t you say anything, Trish?
Trish: Like what?
Shawn: Oh, I don’t know. “I threw the tennis ball into the highly restricted ostrich area, and I let you take the fall for it.”
Trish: You’re serious?!
Shawn: It’s not too late to make it right. Right is right.

Trish shakes her head.

Trish: You really still have not grown up, have you?

Trish Connors gets up her chair.

Trish: Wow. Goodbye, Shawn. Gus.

Burton Guster waves at Trish Connors. Trish walks to her father’s table. Gus chuckles.

Connors: Hey!
Henry: Hey! There she is!

Henry Spencer gets up his chair.

Trish: Oh, no. Sit down.
Henry: No, no, here.

Shawn Spencer watches Henry, Trish and Captain Connors at the other table. He turns to Gus.

Shawn: There, are you happy?
Gus: Yeah, actually, I am.
Shawn: Good.
Gus: Good? You really want me to believe that you put your foot in your mouth deliberately? Please.
Shawn: Go get the girl. It’s your move.
Gus: No.
Shawn: Listen, would you go…
Gus: Shawn, I told you. I do not need you to lay back for me to get a girl.
Shawn: Get over there.
Gus: No!
Shawn: Show her the abs.

Gus is silent, and unmoving.

Shawn: Show her the abs.
Gus: Not until you challenge me straight up!
Shawn: Fine.

Shawn Spencer sets his watch’s timer.

Shawn: I will be kissing Trish in ten minutes.

The watch beeps.

Gus: Not if I get there first.

Shawn Spencer and Burton Guster rush to Trish.

This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Forget Me Not” episode was written by Lee Goldberg and William Rabkin. Psych is owned by GEP Productions Inc., NBC Universal Television, Pacific Mountain Productions, and Tagline Television.


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