Thursday, February 5, 2009

Bristle While You Work (Part 1) – Frasier Transcript 10.7

Marty Crane sweeps the floorRoz Doyle and Frasier Crane are having coffee at Café Nervosa.

Roz: I suppose you looked in the classifieds under “housekeepers”.
Frasier: Check.
Roz: And you asked people in your building.
Frasier: Check.
Roz: And you called the employment agencies?
Frasier: Again, check.

The waiter at Café Nervosa walks over to Roz’ and Frasier’s table.   Continue reading...

Waiter: I heard you the first time.

The waiter puts down the check on the table.

Roz: Ha! Who’d have thought it’d be so hard to get someone to clean your house?
Frasier: Well, over the years Daphne has managed to scour her way into our heart, so to speak. Just don’t want to hire somebody who’s in it for only the money.
Roz: So, you want to find someone who’s in it for the joy of cleaning?

Gil arrives, and sees Roz and Frasier.

Gil: Ah! May I?

Gil takes a seat.

Roz: Take a load off.
Gil: Oh, nice outfit, Roz. Somehow, you and a peasant blouse just go together.
Roz: Thanks. Haven’t worn it for years. But how long can something stay in the closet?

Roz leaves.

Frasier: Say, uh, Gil. Ah, are you pleased with your housekeeper?
Gil: Oh, you mean, Chung? Oh, yes, he’s marvelous.
Frasier: Mm-hmm.
Gil: He’s efficient, he’s dependable, and he still hasn’t figured out American money. Between you and me, I told him when they made Lincoln’s picture bigger, it was worth more.

The two chuckle.

Frasier: Very funny. Do you suppose that your man Friday might be available on a Monday or Tuesday?
Gil: You want to steal my Chung?!
Frasier: No, no. Not steal him. Just, just borrow him for a day or two a week until I restaff.
Gil: A dangerous notion, Frasier. You know how employees gossip about their benefactors.
Frasier: No, I have nothing to hide.
Gil: Yes, but suppose while on your premises he lets something slip about me and Deb, and our heart-shaped bed?
Frasier: I would refuse to believe him.
Gil: Did I mention he’s a drug mule?
Frasier: Oh, he is not. You’re just saying that ‘cause you don’t want to help me out.
Gil: Ah, such insight. It’s a pity more people don’t listen to our show.

Later, Frasier Crane is at his house interviewing potential housekeepers.

Frasier: Thank you for coming, Mrs. Brookins. Of course, we have several other candidates to interview.

Frasier opens the door for Mrs. Brookins.

Frasier: But I’ll be sure to let you know by the 12th.

Mrs. Brookins steps out the door, and Frasier quickly shuts it.

Frasier: Of never!

Marty Crane and Daphne Moon shake their heads.

Frasier: Honestly, I’m beginning to wonder if we’ll ever find anyone that meets our standards.
Marty: You’re being too picky. It’s just housekeeping, not rocket science.
Daphne: I beg to differ. You don’t even know half of what I used to do around here. Like dusting the plant leaves or rotating your underwear.
Marty: Excuse me?
Daphne: Every month, I used to throw out your oldest pair, and put in two new pairs. Did it ever occur to you that you never had to buy underwear in ten years?
Marty: I thought I got hold of a good batch.
Frasier Well, let’s see. Who is our front-runner, thus far?

Frasier Crane studies at his clipboard. Marty Crane groans.

Marty: Oh, I don’t know. I…they’re all the same to me.
Frasier: Honestly, Dad, you know, I am starting to get the slightest bit chapped with your attitude. You haven’t even graded any of the candidates. You’ve simply doodled a warplane dropping bombs on a soldier.

The doorbell rings.

Marty: That’s not a soldier.
Frasier: Well, then why is he wearing a helmet?

Frasier walks to the door to answer it.

Marty: That’s not a helmet. It’s someone with a big head.

Frasier opens the door, and finds a woman.

Frasier: Yes?
Woman: Hi, I’m Trish Haney. I’m here about the housekeeper job. I’m really sorry I’m late.
Frasier: I had you down for over an hour ago.
Trish: I know. I got stuck in line waiting to buy tickets for the Sonic game this weekend.
Marty: Really?! Come on in.

Marty signals for the Trish Haney to come inside. Trish walks over to the living room.

Trish: I should have guessed everyone and his brother would want to see Vince Carter play.
Marty: Not everybody…or his brother.
Trish: Wow, this is a beautiful place. Here’s my resume.

Trish Haney hands her resume to Frasier Crane.

Frasier: Ah, thank you. Won’t you be seated? I’m Dr. Frasier Crane.

Trish takes a seat.

Frasier: This is my father, Marty Crane, and this is my sister-in-law, Daphne Crane. Now, I’ll get right to the interview.

Frasier Crane sits on the other side of the couch.

Frasier: First question, what is the best way to combat rings on a wooden table?
Trish: Um, I’ve heard you can rub mayonnaise on it.
Frasier: The best way is to provide coasters.

Trish nods.

Frasier: An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.

Trish laughs.

Trish: Started me out with a trick question, right?
Marty: So how do you think the Sonics will defend Carter?
Trish: Um, you have to have someone body up on him, and then double-team when he gets the ball.

Marty looks very pleased.

Marty: Thank you.
Daphne: Trish, if the washing machine has a 25-minute cycle, and the dryer has a 40-minute cycle, what time does the second load have to go in the washer to be dry by 5 o’clock.
Trish: Uh, well, that’s 65 minutes, so 3:55.
Daphne: You may want to think about these questions…
Frasier: Daphne.
Daphne: Be…
Frasier: She’s right.
Daphne: Well done.
Marty: Hey, I got a question. Can you clean a house?
Trish: Yes, and if I do say so myself, I’m pretty good.
Marty: Next question, can you start Monday?

Frasier Crane laughs then gestures to his dad to wait a second.

Frasier: Well, you know, we’re getting just a bit ahead of ourselves.

Frasier puts down his clipboard on the coffee table, and gets up the couch.

Frasier: We still have several people we have to meet. Uh, thank you for coming by.
Trish: Oh, sure.

Frasier Crane escorts Trish Haney to the door.

Trish: That was the interview, huh? Two questions?
Frasier: Well, it was really more of a pre-screening.

Frasier Crane opens the door.

Frasier: We’ll be sure to let you know.
Trish: Okay, thanks.

Trish Haney steps out the door.

Trish: Just so you know, I’ll be out of town ‘til the first.
Frasier: Fine, then I’ll be sure to call you the second…

Frasier Crane closes the door.

Frasier: I lose my mind.
Marty: What?! What was wrong with her?
Frasier: In the first place, she showed up late. If she doesn’t take the interview seriously how can we expect her to take the job seriously?
Marty: Ah, you just don’t like her because she’s not all stuffy.
Daphne: She did seem a bit cheeky.

Marty replies to Daphne in a sarcastic tone.

Marty: Which you never were.
Frasier: Well! I’m afraid so far, our best candidate is the young man from Jeepers Sweepers.
Marty: I will move out if you hire that prancing moron.
Frasier: All right, fine. Who would you hire? This, this, this, Trish, I suppose?
Marty: Well, I was right about Daphne. Doesn’t that count for anything? You didn’t even wanna hire her. You thought she might steal.

Daphne gasps.

Daphne: Did you really say that?
Frasier: Of course not! I don’t remember.

Frasier sits on the couch.

Marty: Well, whoever gets hired is someone I’m going to have to spend a lot of time with, and I don’t need a lot of quiz questions, and score sheets to get a feel for someone’s character.
Daphne: Did I look like a thief? Was it my shifty eyes?
Marty: Look, if you don’t trust my judgment, Frasier, just have the guts to say so.
Frasier: No, all right. Fine. You can hire whoever you want to. You want this Trish? Fine, call her.
Marty: Great.

Marty Crane pulls out Trish Haney’s resume.

Marty: Great. I’ll call her right now, and tell her she’s hired.
Daphne: And I’ll tell her where you keep your valuables.
Frasier: Oh! Would you give it a rest?

The next day, Niles Crane arrives at Café Nervosa. Roz Doyle who already has a table calls him.

Roz: Hey, Niles. Have a seat.
Niles: Thank you.

Niles Crane sits at Roz’ table. He turns to the waiter.

Niles: I’ll have my usual. Oh, no, uh, bottled water, room temperature.
Roz: Hey, slow down, little man. What are we celebrating?
Niles: Oh, I can’t drink anything that’s too hot. I have a toothache.
Roz: Oh, you been to the dentist?
Niles: Yes, but he said the tooth is perfectly healthy, but I still have this throbbing pain. I think I may have to go to a doctor.
Roz: Oh, it’s probably just a sinus infection. Have you got a cold, lately?
Niles: A couple of weeks ago, yes, but I’m—I’m over it.
Roz: It’s probably what it is. A sinus infection. It happens to me all the time.

The waiter serves them their orders.

Niles: In all likelihood, I’m sure you’re right.

Niles Crane turns to the waiter.

Niles: Thank you.
Roz: Of course I’m right. What else could it be?
Niles: Actually, a toothache can be referred pain from something else.
Roz: Referred pain?
Niles: That’s right. For example, if I had a heart condition I might not have pain in my chest. I might have pain in my tooth, you see? Referred pain. So, while you’re probably right about the sinus let’s not discount the one-in-10,000 chance that it might be something more serious.
Roz: Oh, now I get it. So, the pain in my butt might actually be coming from across the table.
Niles: Something like that, yes.

Niles looks under the cap of his bottled water.

Niles: Oh, look. I’m the winner of a fanny pack.
Roz: Congratulations.
Niles: Thank you.
Roz: You have no idea what it is, do you?
Niles: Uh, not really, no.

Roz Doyle takes Niles’ bottle.

Roz: Hey look. It says here, the odds of winning it are one in 10,000. Ooh…spooky. Same odds as that toothache being a heart attack. Maybe it’s a sign.
Niles: It’s a good sign by beating those odds once, it makes it that much more unlikely that something so improbable can happen to me again.

Niles Crane drinks his bottled water.

Woman: Niles!

Niles gets up his seat. An African American woman walks passed him to the man sitting at the other table.

Man: Hello, Daphne.

The man and woman hug.

Niles: Okay, that’s weird.

--IN STREET JARGON, HE’S KNOWN AS “THE MARK”—

Martin Crane shows Trish Haney the house.

Marty: So, that’s the grand tour.

Marty sits down on his recliner.

Trish: Hard to know where to start. I don’t have much time before I have to go.
Marty: What? You’re leaving already?
Trish: Yeah, um, I have this lunch thing. I hope you don’t mind. Well, the problem is it’s this friend that I’ve been putting off because I’ve been too busy, but now I finally don’t have any excuse. We’re going to try that new rib place down in Belltown.
Marty: Oh, I hear that’s great.
Trish: Yeah, I can bring you back a great big bag of them.

Trish laughs.

Trish: But enough chit-chat. I’ve got dishes to do.

Marty chuckles.

Marty: Yeah. Oh, hold on. Can I offer a suggestion?
Trish: You’re the boss.
Marty: What Daphne did was put a load of laundry in first, and that way you can do two things at once.
Trish: Okay. Although, I prefer to do laundry at the end of the day, and that way I can read when the clothes are in the dryer. I mean, it’s about the only “me” time I have on this job.

Trish leaves to do the dishes.
Niles Crane and Daphne Moon arrive.

Niles: Hey, Dad. Ready for breakfast?
Marty: Well, thanks for the invite, but I can’t go.
Niles: We didn’t invite you. You called us and badgered us until we rearranged our schedule.
Marty: Yeah, well, that was before Trish came. I, I really think I should hang around and show her the ropes.
Daphne: Maybe you should show her where the room freshener is. It smells like stale cigars in here.
Marty: I had some of the guys in last night for poker.
Niles: Oh, hey. Niles! Check this out.
Marty: Got a great new card trick.
Niles: Oh, goody.
Marty: Yeah. It’s called “The Amazing Niles” or “The Amazing…” whoever you’re doing the trick with. Like if I was doing it with Daphne it’d be the “Amazing Daphne”. If I was doing it with Frasier, it’d be “The Amazing Frasier”.
Niles: Yeah, I get it, Dad.
Marty: Yeah. That’s just my patter. Okay…okay, Amazing Niles. I want you to draw, the ace of spades out of this deck.
Niles: Uh, something tells me that it’s going to be this one right here.

Niles Crane pulls out an ace of spades.

Niles: Ooh!

Niles shows Marty the ace of spades that he pulled out from the deck.

Marty: Ladies and gentlemen, he drew the ace of spades.

Daphne Moon checks out a deck of cards she found on the dining table.

Daphne: Amazing, amazing Niles.
Marty: Isn’t that a great trick?
Daphne: Hey, wait a minute. How come this deck only has aces of spades?
Marty: What? No, this is the tri…

Marty looks at the deck of cards he is holding, and is surprised.

Marty: Wait…wait a minute. Uh…this isn’t the trick deck. Holy cow!
Niles: Wh…
Marty: You just drew the card I asked you for. What are the odds? I wonder if you could do it again.
Niles: No. No, no, no, no. Only…only one performance a day.

Niles Crane feels his pulse.

Daphne: Is something wrong?
Niles: What? No. Oh, you know, since we’re not going to have breakfast, uh, maybe we should go.
Daphne: All right. That way we can pick up your car from the shop.

Daphne makes her way to the door.

Marty: What happened to your car?

Daphne opens the door, and steps out.

Niles: It got struck by lightning.

Niles follows her out. Trish Haney returns to the living room.

Trish: Okay, washer’s running as we speak. Anything else before I go?
Marty: You going to lunch now? It’s only 10:00.
Trish: Already? Ugh, I guess the dishes will have to wait. I’ve got a couple of errands to run, and then I have a hair appointment.
Marty: Trish, I’m a little surprised that you’re taking off like this.
Trish: You know, I’m a little surprised too. I thought my first day would be more like orientation, you know? Show me around, explain my duties, and then I start work the next day.
Marty: Why would you think that?
Trish: Well, it’s been that way every other place that I’ve worked, and I’ve had a lot of jobs.

Trish chuckles.

Marty: Well, listen, Trish, I kind of went out on a limb for you, and I’ll never hear the end of it from my son if you let me down.
Trish: Don’t worry. You are not gonna regret hiring me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be like the White Tornado.

Trish laughs.

Trish: Remember those commercials?

Marty nods, and smiles.

Trish: White Tornado? That’ll be me. Ten o’clock.
Marty: So you’re not coming back after lunch?
Trish: Oh, trust me. You don’t want me cleaning this place drunk.

Trish Haney laughs.

Trish: Oh, and that reminds me. I don’t work Mondays. Gosh, you know, I better get going. If I’m late to this lunch, how’s that going to look?

Trish makes her way to the door.

Marty: But what about the laundry?!
Trish: Ten o’clock tomorrow, along with those ribs.

Trish Haney leaves.
Frasier Crane goes to the living room.

Frasier: Well, I hear the washer going. I assume that means our new employee is hard at it.
Marty: Oh, yeah. She’s like the White Tornado.
Frasier: Dad, you know your basketball references go right over my head.

Marty irks.

Frasier: You know. She’s certainly got her work cut out for her cleaning up this mess you and your buddies made last night.
Marty: Well, you don’t have to worry about it. She’s all about the work.
Frasier: Listen, Dad, I think I owe you an apology.
Marty: For what?
Frasier: Well, for thinking I was a better judge of people than you are. Just want you to know that I do trust your judgment. Maybe I don’t say that often enough. Anyway, I hope you can forgive me.

Frasier makes his way to the door.

Marty: There’s nothing to forgive, Son.
Frasier: Thanks, Dad.

Frasier grabs his keys, and opens the front door.

Frasier: I’ll see you later.

Eddie runs towards Marty with his toy in his mouth.

Marty: Not now, boy. We’ve got an apartment to clean.

Niles Crane arrives at Café Nervosa and finds Roz there sitting and reading.

Roz: Hi, Niles. How’s it going?
Niles: I’m as good as dead. I’ve been doing research into my family health history. My great-uncle Timothy keeled over from a heart attack at my age.

Niles Crane grabs the waiter by his elbow.

Niles: Bottled water. Please.
Roz: Are you talking about that tooth again?
Niles: It’s still throbbing, thank you. Which means my heart is probably on its last legs.
Roz: Come on, Niles, you said it was a one-in-a-million chance.
Niles: One in ten thousand, and I’ve been beating those odds all week. I don’t believe in omens, but these are getting harder and harder to ignore.
Roz: So are you.
Niles: I flipped a coin seventeen times last night, and every time it came up tails. I only stopped, because I was getting a blister.

The waiter serves Niles his bottled water. Niles quickly opens it.

Roz: How does Daphne put up with all this?
Niles: I haven’t told her about it, ‘cause unlike you, she’d worry about me.

Niles Crane drinks the bottled water.

Roz: Get your heart checked and stop obsessing about it.
Niles: I’m going to.

Niles exhales.

Niles: In all probability, there’s a, there’s a perfectly reasonable ex…

Niles looks under the cap of his bottled water. He gasps.

Roz: What?
Niles: I won another fanny pack.

Martin Crane is on the phone while mopping the floor.

Marty: No, I’m not mad at you, Trish. I’m just a little disappointed. Well, it was your neighbor’s funeral, and today you got the flu. No, I kind of believe you, but…you know, this apartment doesn’t clean itself, so…huh? Ok. Tomorrow. Nine o’clock sharp. Ten? Okay. Well, I’ll see you when you get here. Okay, bye.

The front door’s doorknob rattles. Martin Crane quickly hides the mop inside the powder room. Irritated Frasier Crane enters. He throws his gloves on the floor, puts the keys on top of a display cabinet when his umbrella suddenly opens.

Frasier: Oh, for God’s sakes.

Pissed Frasier Crane struggles to close the umbrella.

Marty: Hey! Careful, Mister! You’re going to get water all over a clean floor.
Frasier: You know, maybe you can have Trish wax this floor tomorrow, huh?
Marty: She already did, and it took her two hours! And it just took you two seconds to mess it up and start complaining.
Frasier: Well, I’m not complaining, Dad, but look at the streaks here. It’s like she never waxed a floor before.
Marty: All you do is nag, nag, nag! Meanwhile, she tried a new fabric softener on your sweater, and you didn’t even noticed.
Frasier: Well, my sweaters are supposed to be dry-cleaned.
Marty: Oh.
Frasier: Oh, and remind me to say something to her about flipping my mattress.
Marty: What the hell are you trying to do, kill her?!
Frasier: Easy, easy, Dad. There’s no reason to get all riled up. My God, you’re actually perspiring.
Marty: Well, I just think some people around here don’t realize how hard she works.
Frasier: Well, I’ll say this much. The place does smell lemony fresh.
Marty: Shows what you know. It’s country breeze.

At Niles and Daphne’s house, Niles Crane slowly walks down the stairs as her wife rearranges the pillows on the couch.

Niles: Daphne, I…I have to go out for a while.
Daphne: All right.

Niles makes his way to Daphne.

Niles: No place out of the ordinary—just…out.

Niles goes near his wife with arms outstretched, but the woman is busy, and did not notice him.

Daphne: Okay. See you later.

Daphne goes over to the other chair. Niles picks up his jacket, and watches his wife.

Niles Voice-Over: I can’t believe this is happening. After all those misspent years of frustration and yearning. I finally find the fulfillment of my dreams only to have it snatched away.

Niles buttons his suit.

Niles Voice-Over: Look at her.

Daphne pulls up a rag, and folds it.

Niles Voice-Over: She’s so beautiful. So perfect. She deserves nothing but happiness.

Niles picks up his coat.

Niles: I hope when I’m gone, she’s able to make a life with someone else. After a suitable period of mourning, of course.

Niles makes his way back towards the front door.

Daphne: Niles.
Niles: Yes, my love?
Daphne: When are you gonna change the paper in the bottom of the birdcage, hmm? I’ve asked you three times already.
Niles: Soon as I get back.

Daphne nods, and walks away.

Niles Voice-Over: Maybe when I’m gone Her Majesty can much out her own birdcage.

Marty Crane is on the phone wiping utensils.

Marty: Hey Fras, sorry to bother you. Uh, Trish was wondering where you keep the silver polish. Right. I told her about that tarnish on your shrimp fork. She suggested a place you could keep it where the air won’t get to it.

Frasier Crane who is on his cell phone opens the front door.

Frasier: Really? Perhaps she and I should have a discussion about that.
Marty: What are you doing here?

Martin Crane hangs up the phone.

Frasier: Well, my lunch canceled. I thought I might drop by, see if you’d like to join me for a bite.
Marty: Oh, sure. Love to. Let me get my coat.
Frasier: Right. I’ll just tell Trish we’re leaving. Where is she?
Marty: Oh, uh, she’s in the powder room. Let’s go.
Frasier: Actually, I—I’d rather wait, Dad. You see, I wanted to discuss a new vacuuming pattern with her.
Marty: Uh, well…actually, Fras, this might not be a good time. Uh, that shrimp fork thing really set her off. She kind of went to pieces, and locked herself in there.
Frasier: She did? I had no idea she was so fragile.
Marty: Well, she’ll get over it. She just, uh, needs to be alone for a while. Uh…she’ll b fine.

Martin Crane walks over to the powder room’s door, and talks loudly.

Marty: Uh, bye, Trish.
Frasier: No, no, Dad, you know what? If I’ve hurt her feelings then it is incumbent upon me to apologize.

Frasier Crane knocks on the powder room’s door.

Frasier: Trish, it’s Dr. Crane. Could you come out her, please? I’d like to have a word with you.
Marty: The old silent treatment.

Martin Crane speaks loudly supposedly to Trish.

Marty: Well, two can play that game.

Martin Crane turns to Frasier Crane, and whispers.

Marty: Let’s go.
Frasier: No, no, Dad. Why don’t you talk to her?
Marty: Oh, I don’t think so.
Frasier: Please, Dad, she likes you. Please.

Frasier Crane steps aside. Martin Crane knocks at the powder room’s door.

Marty: Uh, Trish? Hi. It’s Marty. Uh, listen, I know you’re upset, but I’d like to talk to you.

Martin Crane walks over to the other side of the door, to block Frasier’s view.

Marty: Yeah, um…would you unlock the door?

Marty jiggles the doorknob for a couple of seconds then opens the door.

Marty: Attagirl.

Marty Crane enters the powder room.

Seconds later, Martin Crane steps out of the powder room.

Marty: All right, you just take all the time you need.

Martin Crane closes the door then turns to Frasier Crane.

Marty: Okay, well, she accepted your apology, but she just wants to be alone for a little while, so, uh, let’s go.
Frasier: Dad, I really should apologize to her in person.
Marty: Well, uh, I don’t think this is the time.
Frasier: Why not?
Marty: Well, you have been pretty critical.
Frasier: Well, you know, I also think that she’s made some real improvements around here. Tell her that.

Martin Crane sighs. He returns to the powder room. A few moments later, Martin Crane pops his head out of a slightly opened door.

Marty: She wants an example.
Frasier: How should I know? Make something up.
Marty: Oh, no wonder she’s mad. You ungrateful son of a bitch!

Martin Crane closes the powder room’s door. Trish Haney steps inside through the front door. Frasier Crane signals to her to keep silent. Martin Crane still pretending to talk to Trish opens the powder room’s door.

Marty: All right. See you later.

Martin Crane steps out of the powder room not knowing that Trish has arrived. With his back still turned, he speaks to his son.

Marty: Well, now I think you’ve made things worse. It wouldn’t surprise me if she didn’t come in tomorrow.

Frasier Crane turns to Trish. Martin Crane turns around, and finds her standing right behind him. Martin Crane opens the powder room’s door, and pops his head inside.

Marty: You didn’t tell me you had a sister.
Frasier: Dad!

Caught red-handed Martin Crane’s face is filled with embarrassment.

Frasier: All right, what the hell is going on?
Trish: No idea. I just came by for my paycheck.
Marty: Well, uh, I got some bad news about that, Trish. I’m sorry, but we’re gonna have to let you go.
Trish: Oh, okay, but you still owe me for the days I was supposed to be here last week.
Marty: Sure, sure, and there’ll be a check in the mail sometime after the first…

Martin Crane opens the door for Trish. She steps out. Marty closes the door.

Marty: Asteroid hits Earth.

Niles Crane is at the doctor’s office. The doctor enters the office with his test results.

Niles: Okay, lay it on me. I’m—I’m prepared for the worst. Is it my heart?
Doctor: I’m afraid so.
Niles: Aha! What?
Doctor: There is an anomaly in your EKG. I’m going to have to check you into the hospital.
Niles: Oh, uh, well. Hmm. Uh, I guess I can clear my schedule.

Niles Crane reaches for his phone inside his suit pocket.

Niles: Uh, how’s, uh, how’s tomorrow afternoon?
Doctor: No, no, no. Niles?
Niles: Hm?
Doctor: You need to go right now.

The doctor continues to talk to Niles. Niles who had started coughing asks for bottled water. The doctor pulls out a bottled water, the same brand that won him two fanny packs. Niles becomes terrified of the bottled water, and puts his hand on his chest then starts feeling his pulse.

This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Bristle While You Work (Part 1)” episode was written by Tom Reeder. Frasier is owned by CBS Studios Inc., Paramount Pictures and Grub Street Productions.


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