Monday, February 25, 2008

Mr. Monk and the Other Woman – Monk Transcript 1.7

Adrian Monk goes on his first date after Trudy's deathLate at night, Lou is still at the office speaking on the phone.

Lou: Jerry, I’m a reasonable man. You’re a semi-reasonable man. You talk to Mr. Kramer. I’ll talk to Mrs. Kramer. Maybe everybody can move an inch or two on this one.

A woman enters Lou’s office to wave goodnight.  Continue reading...

Lou: Hang on a second. Who’s the lucky guy?
Woman: None of your business. You okay?
Lou: Yeah.
Woman: Okay.

The woman walks away, and Lou resumes his phone conversation.

Lou: Jerry, you say that again, and I’m gonna take you to court to support it.

As soon as the woman passed the hallway, an intruder comes out of one of the rooms by the hallway. The intruder enters Lou’s office holding a knife. Lou is still on the phone.

Lou: Yeah.

Lou looks up and sees the intruder.

Lou: Oh, God! Take anything—take anything you want.

The intruder stabs the Lou.

Lou: Wait! Ugh!

Downstairs, the woman reaches the lobby. She looks at her purse and learns that she has forgotten something. She makes her way back to the elevator. In the Lou’s office, he struggles with the intruder. He pushes the intruder, but the killer fights back and uses the cord of the telephone to strangle him. The woman arrives at the office and hears a glass breaking. The intruder enters the file room to retrieve a folder. The woman enters Lou’s office.

Woman: Lou?

The intruder burns the folder and throws it in the trash.

Woman: Lou?

The woman sees Lou lying dead on the floor. She gasps then screams at the sight of the intruder.

Adrian Monk is fantasizing about his late wife Trudy where she is in front of the mirror combing her hair.

Monk: She’s always with me. Every time I close my eyes.

Trudy turns to look at Adrian Monk.

Monk: She’s always 34 years old. She’s always wearing the same dress. And she’s always so—
Dr. Kroger: Adrian?

Adrian Monk opens his eyes.

Dr. Kroger: I have something to say. It’s been four years, since you lost Trudy. That--that’s a long time.
Adrian Monk: It is?
Dr. Kroger: Yeah. Have you ever considered dating again?
Mr. Monk: No.

Adrian Monk removes one of his shoes.

Mr. Monk: I’ve thought about thinking about it.
Dr. Kroger: And what? You don’t follow through because –
Mr. Monk: It’s inconceivable. I can’t think about anything life, other people—

Adrian Monk has his hand inside his shoe.

Mr. Monk: Until I found out who murdered her.

Adrian Monk continues fussing with his shoe.

Dr. Kroger: Adrian? Adrian?
Mr. Monk: Oh, it’s a pebble or something. It’s been driving me crazy all day.
Dr. Kroger: W—would you say that Trudy was the perfect woman?
Mr. Monk: You know that phrase “my better half”? I never really thought about it much until she died. She WAS my better half. I love my phrase.

Adrian hasn’t stop looking for the pebble in his shoe.

Mr. Monk: My better half. My better half. Ah, yes, there it is.

Dr. Kroger gets an ashtray. Adrian Monk drops the pebble the size of a grain of sand.

Dr. Kroger: That’s it?
Mr. Monk: Sensitive feet.

Later, Adrian Monk is in Lou’s office studying the crime scene. Sharona Fleming is also there and he approaches Lieutenant Randy Disher.

Sharona: Do you have a copy of the case file?
Lt. Disher: No, not an extra one.
Sharona: We’re supposed to have a copy.
Lt. Disher: Can I ask you something? Why are you even here?
Sharona: We’re here because the victim was a friend of the mayor’s.
Lt. Disher: Yeah, I know. They were golfing buddies.
Sharona: Well, I guess His Honor wanted to make sure you didn’t screw everything up.
Mr. Monk: The scene is cold.
Lt. Disher: Yeah. The party’s pretty much over. It all went down on Monday night.
Mr. Monk: Forty-eight hours. I really needed to be here from the beginning.

Adrian Monk makes his way to the door. Sharona Fleming blocks his way.

Sharona: Adrian. Adrian, that is not true.
Mr. Monk: There must have been a dozen cops through here.
Sharona: Adrian. You promised the mayor. Okay, look at—look at me…and stay calm. Okay?

Adrian Monk looks at the floor.

Sharona: You’re the best.
Mr. Monk: There was a struggle.

Adrian Monk walks away from the door and returns to the scene of the crime.

Mr. Monk: The victim was stabbed.
Lt. Disher: Yeah, that’s right. How do you know he was stabbed? I mean, he could’ve been shot.
Mr. Monk: No. You can smell gunpowder residue in a room this size for four days.
Lt. Disher: You can?
Sharona: He can.
Mr. Monk: And then the victim was strangled too.
Lt. Disher: Yeah. You wouldn’t happen to know with what?
Mr. Monk: A…phone cord.

Adrian Monk pulls out his pen and lifts the phone cord.

Mr. Monk: You can see. It’s—it’s stretched out.
Lt. Disher: Oh, yeah. We, uh—we must’ve missed that.
Mr. Monk: What happened here?

Adrian Monk turns his attention to a magazine with blood on it and an earring beside it.

Lt. Disher: His assistant must’ve walked in on it. She was stabbed too. D.O.A. at the hospital.
Mr. Monk: Two victims? I wanna see more.

Adrian Monk, Lt. Disher and Sharona Fleming are now at another part of the office. Adrian studies the door that was broken in to.

Lt. Disher: This is all mott, Monk. We already have a suspect.
Mr. Monk: Who’s that?
Lt. Disher: His name is Lawrence Grayson. Pratt was his attorney. They lost a case about a year and a half ago. I guess, uh, Grayson wasn’t a very satisfied client.
Mr. Monk: A year and a half? That’s what I call holding a grudge.

Adrian Monk studies the filing room, and sees the trash can filled with soot and ashes.

Mr. Monk: He burned something?
Lt. Disher: He burned his own file. The guy was a moron. There were duplicate copies all over the office that he didn’t even touch.
Mr. Monk: Why didn’t he just take the file with him and burn it later?
Lt. Disher: The captain figured he panicked.
Mr. Monk: It doesn’t make sense.
Sharona: What doesn’t?
Mr. Monk: The whole thing. I want to talk to this Grayson.

Adrian Monk looks at the ceiling.

Lt. Disher: Okay, but I should tell you, Captain Stottlemeyer’s not very happy you’re on the case.
Mr. Monk: Did he say something?
Lt. Disher: He didn’t have to. I’ve been working with him for four years now. I know him. You pick up little signs.

A dog is barking.
Upset Leland Stottlemeyer is at the suspect’s house talking to an officer.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What is your name?
Officer Stooben: Stooben.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Everything with the lawyer’s name on it, you bag it.

Adrian Monk enters the house followed by Sharona Fleming.

Captain Stottlemeyer: You don’t walk around with it. You bag it. Understood?
Officer Stooben: Yes sir.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Okay.

Officer Stooben walks away.

Captain Stottlemeyer: How am I doing, Monk?
Mr. Monk: Fine.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Oh, if you talk to the mayor, tell him thanks very much for this vote of confidence.

Grayson arrives.

Grayson: You can’t just barge in here, and rip my house apart. How do I know I’m gonna get this stuff back?

Grayson follows around Randy Disher who is carrying an animal’s skull.

Lt. Disher: You’ll get a complete inventory when we’re through.
Grayson: Oh, yeah? Okay,I’m calling my lawyer.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Your lawyer’s dead, sir. That’s why we’re here.

Grayson’s dog that is locked outside the house continues barking.
An officer opens a cabinet.

Grayson: Hey, hey, hey, hey. Do you mind? Please.

Grayson makes his way to the cabinet, but Leland Stottlemeyer stops him.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey! Hang on! Another step, and I’ll arrest you for obstruction.
Lt. Disher: That’s a very impressive collection, Mr. Grayson.
Grayson: Thank you very much. Yeah, I’m a collector.

Grayson points to the cabinet full of guns.

Grayson: And everything in there’s legit, okay? I got paper on everything in there. It’s a hobby, I’m permitted to have a hobby, am I not?
Mr. Monk: Excuse me, sir. Is that your truck parked out front?
Grayson: Yeah, that’s my truck.
Mr. Monk: You own your own security company?
Grayson: Yes, I do. Now, why would I kill Lou Pratt, okay? He’s been my lawyer for 22 years.
Lt. Disher: There are 4,000 files in that office. The killer went out of his way to burn just one of them—yours.
Grayson: Mine? Okay, so he burns my file. So what?
Captain Stottlemeyer: You owed him some money.
Grayson: Yeah, 400 bucks. I’m suing the bitch next door, he screws up the case, I refuse to pay him. I’m gonna kill him for 400 bucks? I don’t think so.

Grayson’s dog continues barking.

Grayson: Can I have permission to walk my dog? You guys are making him goofy.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Permission granted.
Grayson: Thank you.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Keep an eye on him.

Grayson steps out of the house to attend to his dog.

Grayson: Here, Bobo. Come here.

Adrian Monk approaches Leland Stottlemeyer.

Captain Stottlemeyer: What?
Mr. Monk: That guy…owns a security company. He could’ve picked any lock in that office, but he broke a window.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, this guy is not stupid. He knows we know he can pick a lock. He tried to throw us a curveball.
Mr. Monk: It doesn’t make any sense.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Does everything have to make sense, Monk?
Mr. Monk: Well, yeah, it kinda does.

Grayson is outside with his dog talking to his next-door neighbor.

Grayson: See that? They’re in my house right now. They’re ripping the whole place apart.
Woman: It’s not my problem.
Grayson: You made it your problem when you built that thing, sweetheart.

Grayson points to the woman’s garage.

Woman: What is it with you and my garage? It’s over, okay? You lost the case.

Adrian Monk steps out of Grayson’s house. He is followed by Sharona, Randy Disher and other police officers.

Grayson: Garage. That thing is a shopping mall. It’s not a garage.

The woman stops her gardening. She stands up with a flowerpot on her hand and faces Grayson.

Woman: Oh, come one!
Grayson: You understand what “setback” means? You understand what rules and regulations are?

Adrian Monk, Sharona Fleming, Randy Disher and the officers watch the two argue

Sharona: Is that the neighbor?
Lt. Disher: Monica Waters. She owns a travel agency in Westbrook Mall.
Monica: You’re like this broken record. You just keep going on and on.
Grayson: I see you got your own address on there now. Pretty soon you’re gonna qualify for its own zip code.

Adrian Monk walks a few steps to get a better view of the Monica Waters.

Monica: Who are you to talk about regulations? Huh?
Grayson: Excuse me.
Monica: That—that dog of yours is a public menace.

Adrian Monk walks a tad closer to the two.

Monica: It’s never on a leash, and every kid in the neighborhood is frightened to death of it.
Grayson: Don’t give me that. This is a champion show dog right here, and it’s bred for temperament.

The big black Rottweiler growls.

Monica: Oh, right, right. I’ll try to remember that when I have to unfasten his jaw from my leg.
Mr. Monk: Excuse me. This dog is no show dog.
Grayson: What—what are you saying?
Mr. Monk: Show dogs have to be purebred. This is not a pure Rottweiler. You can tell by the paws. They’re—they’re too big.

Adrian Monk looks longingly at Monica Waters.

Grayson: The paws are too big?
Mr. Monk: They’re too big.
Monica: My hero.
Lt. Disher: Okay, Mr. Grayson, why don’t we take that little walk now?
Grayson: I’d love to come back and visit you sometime without that badge. Bring your little buddy there too.

Grayson points at Adrian Monk.

Grayson: Not a purebred.
Lt. Disher: Let’s go.
Grayson: Let’s get away from here.

Adrian Monk watches as Monica Waters walks away.

Lt. Disher: Monk, are you coming?
Mr. Monk: I—I think I’ll check out the garage.

Adrian watches as she moves to another pot and continues her gardening. He smiles.

Sharona: Are you okay?
Mr. Monk: Mm—hmm.
Sharona: You know who she looks like in a weird way?

Monica Waters looks at Adrian Monk and Sharona Fleming.

Sharona: Trudy.
Mr. Monk: You think?
Sharona: Mm-hmm.

The police leave, but Adrian Monk stays inspecting the outside of Monica Water’s garage.

Monica: What’s he doing?
Sharona: It’s his—it’s his thing.
Mr. Monk: When was it built?
Monica: Uh, two years ago.
Mr. Monk: That’s about the time your husband moved out?
Monica: How did you know that?
Mr. Monk: Pachysandra under the basketball net. About two year’s worth.
Monica: Wow. That’s twice you’ve impressed me. A new world record. I’m Monica. Monica Waters.

Monica Waters shakes Adrian Monk’s hand.

Monica: And you are?

Sharona Fleming takes out a wipe from her bag.

Mr. Monk: Um, me. Um—
Sharona: Monk.
Mr. Monk: Monk. Adrian Monk.

Adrian Monk wipes his hand.

Monica: Hi.

Monica Waters watches as he wipes his hand. Adrian Monk notices that the woman is a bit thrown off.

Mr. Monk: Oh, it’s, uh—it’s—I, um—could I take a look inside the garage?
Monica: Yeah, sure. You’ll need this.

Monica Waters hands Adrian Monk the garage door opener.

Mr. Monk: Thanks.

Adrian Monk walks closer to the garage. Monica Waters turns to Sharona Fleming.

Monica: He’s uh, detective?
Sharona: A private consultant.
Monica: Is he married?
Sharona: No.
Monica: He’s wearing a wedding band.
Sharona: He thinks about his wife a lot. You know, she’s deceased.
Monica: Oh. He’s “germaphobic”?
Sharona: Yep.
Monica: With classic obsessive-compulsive tendencies?
Sharona: How did you know that?

Adrian Monk screams.

Mr. Monk: Oh, my God! Oh, my God!

Startled Monica Waters and Sharona Fleming run over to Adrian Monk.

Sharona: What?
Mr. Monk: Oh, my God!
Sharona: What’s wrong?

They look at the garage with all the tools arranged and labeled.

Mr. Monk: It’s perfect. It’s immaculate. You see, it’s divided into different sections—gardening, automotive. You made little labels so that you always know where everything goes.
Monica: My husband was very organized, so I guess it kind of rubbed off.
Mr. Monk: Hold it! Hold it.

Adrian Monk walks over to the wall where two tennis rackets are hanging.

Mr. Monk: May I?

Monica Waters nods. Adrian Monk straightens the tennis racket.

Mr. Monk: That’s got it. May I just say something? If I ever have a garage, I want it to look just like this.
Monica: Well, is there anything else? No, no, not—not really.

Adrian Monk hands over the garage door opener.

Monica: Okay. Well, it was very nice meeting you, Mr. Monk.
Mr. Monk: Uh—uh, however, in the future, I—I might have quite a few questions.
Monica: Okay, so how does that work? Should I come to your precinct?
Mr. Monk: Well, no, I don’t really have an office there. We could have coffee or—

Sharona Fleming closes her eyes in embarrassment.

Mr. Monk: Or do you eat dinner?
Monica: Yes, I’ve—I’ve been known to eat dinner.

Adrian Monk smiles then turns to Sharona Fleming.

Mr. Monk: Do I eat dinner?
Sharona: Yeah, you eat dinner.
Mr. Monk: We both eat dinner.
Monica: Then it’s a date.

Monica Waters walks away. Sharona Fleming confused turns to Adrian Monk.

Sharona: “It’s a date”?

Adrian Monk and Monica Waters are in a restaurant.

Mr. Monk: This place has really changed.
Monica: You’ve been here before?
Mr. Monk: We used to come here all the time.
Monica: You and your wife.

Adrian Monk nods.

Mr. Monk: Yeah, it’s so different. That blackboard was over there, and I think the salt and pepper shakers are new.
Monica: Is that it?

Adrian Monk straightens out the tablecloth.

Mr. Monk: Yeah, that—that’s it.
Monica: You don’t like change, do you?
Mr. Monk: I—I have no problem with change. I just don’t like to be there when it happens.
Monica: Oh.

Monica Waters smiles. A waitress goes over to their table.

Waitress: Hi, I’m Vickie.
Mr. Monk: Hi, Vickie, I’m Adrian Monk, and this is Monica Waters.
Waitress: Hi.
Monica: I’ll have the Caesar salad and some coffee, please.
Waitress: Great.
Mr. Monk: And I’ll have the veal.
Waitress: Okay.
Mr. Monk: And, uh—oh, no, never mind.
Waitress; Okay.

The waitress prepares to leave, but Adrian Monk stops her.

Mr. Monk: Uh, excuse me. I wonder, could I get separate plates for the potatoes and the vegetables?
Waitress: You want them all on separate plates?
Mr. Monk: Please.
Waitress: Okay.

The waitress leaves.

Monica: You don’t like your food to touch.
Mr. Monk: I believe most people don’t like their food to touch. They just don’ have the guts to admit it.

Monica Waters laughs.

Monica: And I bet you bring your own silverware.

Adrian Monk laughs.

Mr. Monk: No, please. I’m not a fanatic.

Adrian Monk begins wiping his knife.

Monica: So, you said you had quite a few questions.
Mr. Monk: That may have been an exaggeration.
Monica: How many do you have?
Mr. Monk: None. I have none.
Monica: Don’t you want to ask me about Grayson, the neighbor from hell?
Mr. Monk: No. I don’t think he did it. I don’t—I don’t buy the motive.
Monica: Then what are we doing here, Mr. Monk?
Mr. Monk: I’m not sure.
Monica: Okay, then I have a question for you. Sharona said after your wife died, you never left the house.
Mr. Monk: That’s not true. I went outside to get the paper…twice.
Monica: And now you’re a famous detective.
Mr. Monk: Oh, far from famous.
Monica: The other cops certainly respect you. The mayor calls you and depends on you. You’re obviously out of the house. How did you do it?
Mr. Monk: Captain Stottlemeyer was worried about me and he hired a nurse to take care of me. She showed up one day and just never left.
Monica: You got lucky. You found the right person. That’s a secret, isn’t it?
Mr. Monk: How long were you married?
Monica: Oh, look. A jukebox!

Monica Waters get off her chair and puts a coin in the jukebox.

Mr. Monk: D-7.

Adrian Monk guesses right. Monica Waters pushes D-7. The jukebox starts playing music. “Are the stars out tonight? I don’t know if it’s cloudy or bright. I only have eyes…” Adrian Monk turns around to look at Monica Waters. For a second, she imagines Trudy standing there. The music continues to play “For you”.

The next day, Adrian Monk and Sharona Fleming attend the funeral of Lou Pratt.

Sharona: So, how did it go last night?
Mr. Monk: Fine.
Sharona: What did you talk about?
Mr. Monk: Mostly we talked about me. She—she kept asking me questions.
Sharona: Really?
Mr. Monk: Yeah. Yeah, I think maybe she’s interested in me.
Sharona: Okay.
Mr. Monk: Is that impossible? That a woman like her could be interested in me? Sharona.
Sharona: I’m thinking.

Sharona Fleming sees Grayson arrive.

Sharona: Talk about nerve. He kills the guy then shows up at the funeral.
Mr. Monk: I don’t think he killed anybody. Did you get a look at that ring he wears? The guy was a Green Beret.
Sharona: So?
Mr. Monk: You saw the crime scene. It was a mess. That was a real struggle in there. It must have gone on for three minutes. How could a 65 year-old man fight off a former Green Beret?
Sharona: He didn’t want to die.

A man speaks at the podium.

Man: Good afternoon. Thanks for coming. We gather today on this sad day to say good-bye to our dear, departed friend, Lou Pratt.

The old man in a wheelchair sitting behind Adrian Monk starts coughing.

Speaker: That man who committed his life to the principles of reason has been taken from us in such an unfair manner is irony in its most bitter form.

The old man coughing worsens. Adrian Monk is grossed out, but just closes his eyes.

Speaker: Anyone who knew this tough, hard-nosed attorney knew Lou Pratt’s most well-guarded secret—the man was a teddy bear. It is why many of you have come here today—

The old man’s coughing continues.

Speaker: To say goodbye to a man who was always there for you.

The old man’s coughing worsens and not everybody looks at him. Annoyed Adrian Monk puts his hand at the back of his neck.

Speaker: As an attorney, Lou Pratt was a man who always let you know where you stood.

Sharona Fleming turns to the guy sitting behind her who is actually the old man’s nephew.

Sharona: Excuse me. Can I help you?
Nephew: Thanks. We’re fine.
Speaker: Most of us preferred to stand with him instead of against him.

The old man’s coughing worsens. Adrian Monk turns to the old man.

Mr. Monk: Sir, please! Enough is enough!

Speaker: About Lou was his belief in the concept of compromise.

Adrian Monk turns back to face the speaker, while the old man closes his eyes.

Mr. Monk: Thank God.

The old man’s head drops as though he fell asleep.
Adrian Monk turns to Sharona Fleming. The old man’s nurse attends to him.

Mr. Monk: Can you believe this guy?
Speaker: And heaven help the man—
Mr. Monk: He’s hacking up a lung. A guy’s got his limits, right? That was mine. I just couldn’t help myself.

The nurse and the old man’s nephew silently takes the old man out of the church. Behind them everybody clamors as the old man falls off his wheelchair.

Sharona: Do you see how assertive you were?
Mr. Monk: It actually does feel pretty good.

The speaker stops his speech. Everybody turns their attention to the commotion at the back.
Later, the paramedics arrive.

Man: Come on. One, two, three.

They put the old man wrapped from head to foot inside the ambulance.
The old man’s nephew confronts Adrian Monk.

Nephew: Hey! You! You should be ashamed of yourself.
Mr. Monk: I am. 24/7.
Nephew: Do you know what tomorrow is?
Mr. Monk: Thursday.
Nephew: Tomorrow is my uncle’s birthday. He would’ve been 90 years old.
Sharona: Hey! He didn’t mean to kill him.
Mr. Monk: He was coughing on my neck.
Nephew: He was my hero.

The nephew walks away. Leland Stottlemeyer arrives.

Mr. Monk: I could feel the spray on the back of my neck.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk! Where’s Grayson?
Mr. Monk: He’s still inside.
Sharona: Monk doesn’t think he did it.
Captain Stottlemeyer Oh, really? Well, this should interest you. Grayson bought a bunch of knives online a year ago that match the murder weapon.
Mr. Monk: A million people buy knives online and we know Grayson collects weapons.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What do you got? “Something’s wrong, Captain. It doesn’t make any sense, Captain.” Huh? You got nothin’Monk. Grayson is the guy. If I had a farm, I’d bet it.

Sharona Fleming sighs.

Sharona: Let’s go home.
Mr. Monk: I need a shower.
Sharona: Who needs this?

Later that night, Grayson steps out of his house. He snaps his fingers.

Grayson: Okay, Sherman, let’s go. Come on!

Grayson pulls out a flashlight.

Grayson: Sherman?

He snaps his fingers and makes his way to the garden.

Grayson: Come on, boy. Come on. Let’s go. Come on!

He hears the dog barking.

Grayson: Oh, no. Sherman! Come on. Where are ya?

The dog continues to bark.

Grayson: Sher—here, boy!

Grayson makes his way to Monica Water’s garage.

Grayson: Sherman? What are you doing in her garage?

The dog growls.

Grayson: What’s wrong, boy? What’s wrong?

Grayson enters the unlit garage. The dog whines.

Grayson: Sherman, what are you doing in here?

The dog barks as the intruder who killed Lou Pratt sneaks up on Grayson with a shovel.

Grayson: What’s going on in here?

The dog continues to bark. The killer swings the shovel at Grayson’s head.
Adrian Monk is sleeping.

Trudy: Adrian? Adrian?

He opens his eyes and sees Trudy sitting at the end of the bed.

Mr. Monk: Hey.
Trudy: Hey yourself. How did you sleep?
Mr. Monk: Mmm.
Trudy: You know, I don’t think she looks anything like me.
Mr. Monk: That’s what I’ve been saying.
Trudy: Are you attracted to her?
Mr. Monk: Of course not.
Trudy: It’s okay if you are. You’re only human.
Mr. Monk: I’m not attracted to her.
Trudy: Adrian Monk, you’re the world’s greatest detective and the world’s worst liar.
Monica on Answering Machine: Hello? Are you there?
Trudy: Adrian, if you’re there—
Monica on Answering Machine: Pick up the phone. Monk, hello?

Adrian Monk wakes up.

Monica on Answering Machine: Where are you? If you’re there, please pick up.

Adrian Monk picks up the phone on his nightstand.

Mr. Monk: Hello?
Monica: Oh, thank God.
Mr. Monk: Monica?

Adrian Monk sits up.

Monica: Grayson is dead. He was in my garage. I found him. I didn’t know who else to call.
Mr. Monk: It’s okay. It’s okay.
Monica: They’ve been questioning me for the last hour and a half. Adrian, what’s happening? Who’s doing this?
Mr. Monk: I don’t know.
Monica: They think I’m involved.
Mr. Monk: Do you need a lawyer?
Monica: I have a lawyer. What I need is a friend.

The next day Adrian Monk and Sharona Fleming arrive at Monica Water’s house.

Man: Stay back, Ma’am.

Leland Stottlemeyer turns to Randy Disher and points at Sharona Fleming’s car.

Captain Stottlemeyer: How’d that happen?

Monica Waters steps out of Sharona’s car.

Lt. Disher: She must’ve called him from the station.

Leland Stottlemeyer sighs and approaches Adrian Monk.

Captain Stottlemeyer: He’s like a bad cold. Ma’am, could you excuse us, please?
Mr. Monk: It’s okay.

Monica Waters leaves.

Mr. Monk: Captain.
Captain Stottlemeyer: How’s your friend?
Mr. Monk: She’s a little upset.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah, I’ll bet she is.

Adrian Monk and Leland Stottlemeyer make their way to the garage that is now the crime scene.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Well, that’s it for Grayson. He’s no longer a suspect. But I think we’re in the right neighborhood.
Mr. Monk: Uh-huh.
Lt. Disher: Somebody used his dog to lure him in here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: The murder weapon. He was struck from behind.

Adrian Monk looks at the shovel that was used as the murder weapon.

Mr. Monk: Any prints?
Lt. Disher: No, negative on the shovel. Negative on the dog collar too. Probably wearing gloves.

Adrian Monk straightens out the tennis racket.

Lt. Disher: Please don’t touch that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Any ideas, Monk? ‘Cause I have a few. Most of ‘em involve your girlfriend.
Mr. Monk: She’s not—
Captain Stottlemeyer: She has means, motive. They’ve been feuding for years.
Lt. Disher: And threatening each other.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Now, he turns up dead in her garage. He’s dead. The lawyer’s dead. Lawyer’s secretary’s dead. A whole lot of dead people.
Mr. Monk: That light…with the motion detectors. It’s all smashed.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yeah. Probably with the shovel. Our killer preferred to work in the dark.
Mr. Monk: Why didn’t he just turn it off? No, the killer couldn’t find the switch.

Adrian Monk points at the switch box.

Mr. Monk: Why? Because he’d never been in the garage before.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Or SHE was hiding near the light, it came on, she freaked out and she smashed it with the shovel. That’s possible, Monk. Isn’t that possible?
Mr. Monk: It’s possible.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes. Here’s the situation. Your friend Monica Waters is a suspect in three homicides.

Leland Stottlemeyer walks away. Adrian Monk follows him.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, Monk.
Mr. Monk: No, no, no, no.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You’re not seeing this clearly. You’re too close to her. You’ve got—you’ve got a big blind spot.
Mr. Monk: I just don’t know.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Adrian, listen to me. She is not Trudy.

The dog barks. Adrian Monk looks at Monica Waters. Leland Stottlemeyer approaches Monica.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Miss Waters, your garage is an active crime scene. It’s off limits. Understood?
Monica: Yeah.
Captain Stottlemeyer: You’re not planning on leaving town, are you?
Monica: no.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Good.

Leland Stottlemeyer walks away. Adrian Monk approaches Monica Waters.

Monica: Adrian, what’s going on? Am I—am I a suspect?
Mr. Monk: They’re just—they’re just doing their job.
Monica: I can’t believe this is happening. What if they’re still out there? What if I’m next? Well, I can’t stay here alone. What the hell am I supposed to do?
Mr. Monk: I could stay here…tonight.
Monica: You would do that?

Adrian Monk turns to Sharona Fleming.

Mr. Monk: Can I…have a sleepover?

Later that night, Adrian Monk packs his bag, while Sharona Fleming paces back and forth.

Mr. Monk: First aid kit…and toothbrush. Backup toothbrushes. Backup bristles for the backup toothbrushes.
Sharona: I am not coming to get you in the middle of the night.
Mr. Monk: You won’t have to get me. I’m not a child, Sharona. I can’t find my PJ’s.

Sharona Fleming opens Adrian Monk’s drawer and pulls out his pajamas that are inside a sealed plastic bag. She throws it at him.

Mr. Monk: Gently.

Adrian Monk closes his luggage and sighs. He pulls out another luggage and sets it on top of the other.

Sharona: Adrian, I don’t have a good feeling about her.
Mr. Monk: Underwear. Four pair should be enough.

Adrian Monk pulls out two sealed bags of underwear from his drawer.

Sharona: I think she’s dangerous.
Mr. Monk: I think you’re jealous.
Sharona: I am not jealous. I am scared. Three people are dead.
Mr. Monk: The only danger I’m in tonight is running out of talcum powder.

Adrian Monk snaps his fingers.

Mr. Monk: Oh! Talcum powder.

Sharona Fleming drops Adrian Monk at Monica Water’s house. Adrian Monk carries his two luggage and makes his way to Monica’s door. He watches as Sharona drives away. Monica Waters steps out of her house.

Monica: Hello? Hi.

Monica Waters shows Adrian Monk to his bedroom.

Monica: Uh, I’m right down the hall, and this is you.
Mr. Monk: Right down the hall? Wow! Wow, this is a great room.

Adrian Monk enters the room.

Monica: This is Derrick’s—this WAS Derrick’s study.

Adrian Monk sees the boxes of lights neatly lined up on the table.

Mr. Monk: Moist towelettes. You didn’t have to.
Monica: So you’re all right, then?
Mr. Monk: Are you kidding? I may never leave. I mean, you know—
Monica: Uh, the couch folds out, and there are clean sheets.
Mr. Monk: Oh, I brought my own.

Adrian Monk pulls up one of his luggage.

Monica: Adrian, I have sheets.
Mr. Monk: Well, as long as I brought my own. I might as well—might as well use them. It’s no big deal. Um, the only thing I need is a pillowcase.

Monica Waters pulls a drawer filled with pillowcases in sealed bags.

Monica: Pillowcases.
Mr. Monk: That’s a lot of pillowcases.
Monica: Yeah, Derrick never used the same one twice.
Mr. Monk: That must have been hard—living with somebody like that.
Monica: Yes—and—and—no.

Monica Waters takes out two pillowcases.

Monica: I’ll put them here for you. Well, dinner’s about ready. I hope you’re hungry.
Mr. Monk: Oh, yeah. I’ll just, uh—I’ll—I’ll be right with you.

Adrian Monk puts down his luggage.

Mr. Monk: I just want to, uh, go and freshen up.
Monica: Okay.

Monica Waters leaves. Adrian Monk enters the bathroom.
Randy Disher makes his way to Leland Stottlemeyer’s office.

Lt. Disher: Captain! Captain, look at this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Give me a quarter.
Lt. Disher: Derrick Waters. Monica’s ex husband.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Give me a quarter.

Randy Disher gives Leland Stottlemeyer a quarter.

Lt. Disher: His credit cards were never canceled. The last thing he bought was on March 11. Then he just disappeared.
Captain Stottlemeyer: March 11. When did she start building that garage?

Randy Disher looks at the file.

Lt. Disher: March 14, same here.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Son of a bitch. He’s under the garage.
Lt. Disher: Should we call Monk?
Captain Stottlemeyer: No, let him read about it in the paper.
Lt. Disher: Maybe we should call him.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Why?
Lt. Disher: I just talked to Sharona. He’s there.
Captain Stottlemeyer: He’s where?

Adrian Monk steps out of the bathroom with his jacket over his right shoulder. He makes his way to the dining room.

Mr. Monk: Monica?

Adrian Monk turns around.

Mr. Monk: Monica?

Monica Waters enters the dining room.

Monica: There you are.
Mr. Monk: Oh. Should we eat?
Monica: Are you okay?
Mr. Monk: Fine. Let’s eat.
Monica: Adrian, you were in the bathroom for, like, two hours.

Adrian Monk takes his seat. He laughs.

Mr. Monk: I don’t think so.

Monica Waters takes a seat.

Monica: It’s 9:30.
Mr. Monk: I don’t think so.

Monica Waters shows her the time.

Monica: I knocked on the door, like, five times.
Mr. Monk: You did?
Monica: You kept saying, “just a minute”.
Mr. Monk: I did?
Monica: Then you recited the lyrics to “Duke of Earl”.
Mr. Monk: Really? I guess I’m a little nervous.
Monica: And then for, like, 20 minutes you were gargling or something.
Mr. Monk: Sorry.
Monica: Why don’t I pour you a glass of wine? It’s certainly had a chance to breathe.

Monica Waters stand up to get the wine. Adrian Monk’s cell phone rings. Monica pours him his wine.

Mr. Monk: Hello?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Monk, it’s me. Get out of there.
Mr. Monk: What?
Captain Stottlemeyer: Listen to me. She’s a killer. You’re in danger. Get out of the house.

Monica Waters hands him the glass of wine.

Mr. Monk: What did you say?
Captain Stottlemeyer: She is a killer, Monk. Get out of there.

Monica Waters returns to her seat.

Monica: Who is it?
Mr. Monk: Sharona.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Is she standing right there?

Adrian Monk laughs.

Mr. Monk: That’s right.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Listen to me. Her husband disappeared two years ago. Two days later, she started building the garage. Monk, she killed him. She buried him under the garage. We’re getting a court order tonight. We’re gonna dig him up in the morning.
Mr. Monk: Of course I’ll be there. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Just get out of there, okay?

Leland Stottlemeyer hangs up.

Mr. Monk: Bye.

Adrian Monk turns off his phone.

Mr. Monk: That was Sharona. Her son got the lead in the school play.
Monica: Oh, really? What play?
Mr. Monk: Gandhi.
Monica: Gandhi? Is that a play?
Mr. Monk: I think they added a few songs. You wanna come?
Monica: Oh, I think I’ll be having a headache that night. To new friends.

Adrian Monk and Monica Waters toast their glasses. Adrian hesitates to take a sip, but drinks anyway, because Monica is looking.

Monica: Well, I’ve been keeping dinner warm in the kitchen.

Monica Waters goes to the kitchen. Adrian Monk inspects his wine.
Later, Monica cuts a loaf of bread with a knife.

Monica: Are you all right?
Mr. Monk: Yes, perfect.
Monica: I love these dishes. They were my grandmother’s. When I was four years old, she told me I could have them when she died.

Monica Waters laughs.

Monica: I said I can’t wait.

Monica laughs. Adrian does the same. He laughs for quite some time stalling from having a bite off his salad.

Monica: You’re not eating.
Mr. Monk: I—I ate in the bathroom. I had some mints.
Monica: Try my salad. I made the dressing myself.
Mr. Monk: Okay.

Adrian Monk pretends to eat.

Mr. Monk: Mmm, mm-mm. Delicious.
Monica: You didn’t taste it.
Mr. Monk: Sure I did. And it’s very good.
Monica: No, you didn’t. Open your mouth. Let me see.

Adrian Monk slightly opens his mouth. Monica Waters tries to take a look.

Mr. Monk: Okay, I promise I won’t be upset. Just tell me the truth. Are you trying to kill me?
Monica: What?
Mr. Monk: It’s okay if you are. I—I just need to know.

Adrian Monk lifts his plate.

Mr. Monk: Is this poisoned?
Monica: Do you think I could hurt you?
Mr. Monk: Oh, come on. He’s under the garage, isn’t he?
Monica: Who is?
Mr. Monk: Your ex-husband. You buried him under the garage.
Monica: How could you say that?!
Mr. Monk: Everybody’s saying it.
Monica: My husband, Derrick, is a schizophrenic. He had a complete breakdown two years ago. He’s in a private institution. We’ve been trying to keep it a secret. He didn’t want his family to know.
Mr. Monk: Oh, my God! He’s in Zurich, isn’t he? At the Breinnhoff Clinic?
Monica: How did you know that?
Mr.Monk: It’s the best hospital in the world for psychological disorders. I’d be there myself, but I don’t’ fly.
Monica: Oh.
Mr. Monk: And you have soap from different hotels in Zurich. I assumed you like to take ski vacations.

A clattering interrupts their dinner. Adrian Monk steps out of the house.

Mr. Monk: Who is it? Who’s there?

Adrian Monk is at the garden with Monica Waters. He is holding a pepper spray and a small gardening rake.

Mr. Monk: I’ve got a gun.

Leland Stottlemeyer approaches him.

Captain Stottlemeyer: No, you don’t, Monk.
Mr. Monk: Captain. Captain, listen. You don’t want to do this.
Captain Stottlemeyer: What is that? Pepper spray?
Mr. Monk: Let me explain.

Leland Stottlemeyer grabs the pepper spray and gardening tool.

Mr. Monk: Look, you don’t want to do this!
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hold him, Charley, hold him.

An officer restrains Adrian Monk.

Captain Stottlemeyer: Ma’am, we’re in the process of getting a warrant. We’re gonna dig up the floor of your garage in the morning.
Monica: Why?
Captain Stottlemeyer: I think you know why.
Mr. Monk: Captain, before you say another word. Derrick Waters is not buried under that garage. He’s in Zurich. He’s in a private clinic. He’s been there for two years.
Captain Stottlemeyer: In Zurich?
Monica: Yes, I have a number if you want to verify it.
Captain Stottlemeyer: In Zurich? Really?

The officer lets Adrian Monk go.

Captain Stottlemeyer: So, where does that leave us?
Mr. Monk: We’re back at square one.

Later that night, Adrian Monk and Sharona Fleming return to the filing room at Lou Pratt’s office. He turns to the officer that let them inside.

Mr. Monk: Thank you. Thank you very much. Welcome to square one.
Sharona: What are we doing here? I know you told me, but I didn’t listen.
Mr. Monk: Okay, one more time. The burnt file.
Sharona: What?
Mr. Monk: Grayson’s file. The burnt file.
Sharona: Oh. Mm-hmm.
Mr. Monk: Oh, God. It had nothing to do with anything. Absolutely nothing.

Adrian searches for something.

Mr. Monk: It was a decoy?
Sharona: A decoy?
Mr. Monk: The real answer is in one of these other files
Sharona: Oh, you have to be joking.
Mr. Monk: If I was joking, it would certainly be a lot funnier than this.

Sharona Fleming pulls out a drawer filled with files.

Sharona: Oh, Adrian. We can’t read all of this. Look at this! Oh, this is gonna take forever.
Mr. Monk: Better get started.

She opens another drawer.

Sharona: We have to think of something else. This is ridiculous.

Sharona Fleming closes the drawer.

Mr. Monk: Wait!
Sharona: What/
Mr. Monk: Wait a minute.

Adrian Monk begins pulling out the other drawers. He closes the other one and takes a file out of the drawer Sharona opened. Sharona takes the file and reads the label.

Sharona: “Thomas Katterskill”. Who’s that?
Mr. Monk: That’s our guy.

The old man’s nephew is with his other relatives listening to a lawyer read the will of his late uncle.

Lawyer: “To my beloved grandchildren. I leave $2.4 million to be divided between you. And the balance of my estate, totaling more than $97 million, I leave to my alma mater, Westmore University.”

People sigh.

Man: Excuse me?
Lawyer: My alma mater, Westmore University.

Adrian Monk enters the room holding the file.

Nephew: No, no, no. Wait a minute. This is a joke. There’s something wrong.
Lawyer: Well, son, I know it’s a bit unorthodox—

The nephew stands up and moves closer to the lawyer.

Nephew: No! It’s wrong. This is not the right will.

Adrian Monk, Sharona Fleming and Leland Stottlemeyer watch at the back.

Nephew: He left everything to me.
Mr. Monk: How do you know that, Todd?

Todd turns around.

Todd: I know you. You were at the memorial service.
Mr. Monk: This is your uncle’s will.

Adrian shows him the will.

Mr. Monk: Actually, it’s a forgery of your uncle’s will. But this is what you expected to hear today, isn’t it?
Todd: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Captain Stottlemeyer: It’s dated October 4, kid. You screwed up. The notary public who was supposed to have signed this was on a cruise in the Caribbean on October 4.
Mr. Monk: We were in the file room yesterday.

Adrian Monk joins Leland Stottlemeyer in front of the room.

Mr. Monk: You see the little tabs at the top? Some are on the left, some are on the right, some in the middle. Mr. Pratt had a system. When he put files away, he alternated them—left, right, middle—so they’d be easier to read. And they were all arranged like that, except for this one.

Adrian shows them the other file.

Mr. Monk: It’s a middle, and it was right behind another middle. We all assumed that the killer broke in here to burn a file or to steal a file, but we were wrong. The killer broke in to ADD a file.

Todd chuckles.

Mr. Monk: Here’s what happened. Your uncle was dying, and you knew you’d been cut out of the will. So, you wrote up a phony will, where you inherited everything.

A flashback ensues. Lou Pratt is at his office on the phone.

Mr. Monk: And, of course, you had to kill Lou Pratt. He was your uncle’s attorney, and he would’ve spotted the forgery.

The intruder strangles Lou.

Mr. Monk And after you killed him and his assistant, you put the phony will in the file.

The intruder breaks the glass of the door.

Mr. Monk: But you couldn’t just stop there. The cops would’ve wondered, “Why was Lou Pratt murdered?” And they would’ve gone through every one of his files. And eventually they would have found your phony will. So you had to send them down the wrong road and any wrong road would do.

The killer takes a file from the drawer.

Mr. Monk: You picked a file at random, and you burned it. And it worked. Everybody was concentrating on Grayson and Monica Waters and the disputed garage. But when you overheard me at the funeral, you got scared, because you knew I was having serious doubts about Grayson. So you killed him to push us even further down that wrong road.

Todd runs to the door. He opens the door to find Grayson’s Rottweiler with Randy Disher and a bunch of officers. The dog growls then barks.

Todd: Oh!
Mr. Monk: I forgot to mention we brought Mr. Grayson’s dog with us. It looks like he remembers you.

Sharona Fleming and Adrian Monk steps out of the building. Adrian looks up, because it’s drizzling.

Sharona: It’s okay.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Hey, Monk. I’m sorry.
Mr. Monk: You don’t have to say that.
Captain Stottlemeyer: Yes, I do. The commissioner is making me.
Monica: Adrian?

Adrian Monk approaches Monica Waters.

Monica: Is it really over? I knew you could do it.
Mr. Monk: Monica, I—I, uh—
Monica: I just wanted—
Mr. Monk: I just have to—go ahead. I’m sorry. You go.
Monica: I just wanted to say…you’re an extraordinary man. I had just about given up, but spending time with you reminded me of how things were with Derrick and I—how I want us to be again. I’m flying off to Zurich this week, but I won’t be coming home until he’s better.
Mr. Monk: He’s a lucky man.
Monica: Brace yourself, Monk. I’m gonna kiss you good-bye.

Monica Waters kisses Adrian Monk on the lips. Adrian Monk smiles. She walks away. Sharona Fleming goes over to Adrian and hands him a wipe. He takes it, looks at it, but doesn’t use it. He throws it back to Sharona.

This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Mr. Monk and the Other Woman” episode was written by David M. Stern. Monk is owned by Universal Media Studios in association with Mandeville Films and Touchstone Television.

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