Helen is cleaning the lunch counter when Brian arrives.
Brian: Folks, congratulations are in order. Just made it through another week of work without my brother canning me.
Brian: Who’s up for a celebration?
Brian runs up to Helen and sits on the counter.
Brian: Hey, Helen! Why don’t you pop on your pink party dress? I’ll grab my loincloth and we’ll have a date that will live in infamy.
Helen: A date?
Brian: That’s right. You’ve seen ‘em on TV. Now, have one of your very own.
Helen: I can’t, Brian. I have to practice.
Brian: Practice. Great, we’ll have a scrimmage. I’ll be shirts, you be skins.
Helen: I meant my cello, but besides that, I have this rule. I don’t date pilots.
Brian: You gotta be kidding. Why?
Helen: Well, I’ve been around pilots all my life and it’s been my experience that they are arrogant, self-centered, and just too damn cocky.
Brian: But you’ll—you’ll break that rule for me, right, babe?
Helen: Was that you being charming, Brian? ‘Cause I guess I gagged and missed it.
Helen walks away.
Brian: Doesn’t date pilots? That’s why I became I pilot.
Lowell passes by.
Brian: Hey, Lowell, how about, uh, you and me going out and have a couple of beers, eh?
Lowell: No thanks, I gotta get home. Wife called. I got 2 inches of water in the living room.
Brian: Wh-what? Is your roof leaking?
Lowell: No, it’s the floor. I live on a boat.
Fay walks by.
Brian: Hey, Fay, how about you? Uh, got any plans for tonight?
Fay: Oh, my yes, this is the night I thaw out food for the weekend. I’ll see you tomorrow.
Roy: Good night, Hackett.
Brian: Good night, Roy. Hey, Roy, uh, how about you and me…good night, Roy.
Brian goes to the hangar where Joe is fixing his plane.
Brian: Yo, Joey. It’s quittin’ time. What do you say we go get a couple of beers and scope out the chickage?
Brian climbs up a wing and squats beside Joe.
Brian: Yeah, you know, chicks. Dames, babes, broads, skirts, honeys.
Joe: Ok, ok.
Brian: Honeys, honeys.
Joe: I get it. I get it.
Brian: Ahem. You sure? ‘cause I know at least 38 different euphemisms. More if you get into specific body parts.
Joe: You must be very proud. I’ll take a rain check. I gotta finish up here.
Joe jumps off the wing and makes his way to one of the engines.
Brian: Ah, come on, Joe. Let’s go out. Let’s have a good time.
Joe: Brian, I’m having a good time.
Brian takes the basketball lying on the floor.
Brian: You’re wiping oil off an engine cowling.
Joe: Look, remember when dad gave you your first Schwinn?
Brian: Yo, Magic, heads up.
Brian passes the ball to Joe.
Joe: You loved that Bike so much, you slept with it.
Joe puts the ball down.
Joe: You couldn’t stand being away from it. Well, that’s how I feel about this. For God’s sake, I’ve got my own plane, Brian.
Brian starts dribbling and faking.
Brian: Hit me!
Brian hands the ball to Joe and Brian runs to the net.
Brian: I’m open!
Joe puts the ball down and continues to clean the engine.
Brian: You know, no offense, Joe, but this is the worst game of 1-on-1 I’ve ever played. Let’s go find some women. You, uh, you do date, don’t you?
Joe: Of course I date. What do you think I am, a hermit? I went on a date just last…what month is this?
Joe: April?! Really? I gotta do something about this.
Brian: Attaboy, Joe.
Joe pulls out a notepad and starts to write.
Joe: Social life.
Joe puts his notepad back into his shirt pocket.
Brian: Well, it’s a good thing I came back. What did you do for fun while I was gone?
Joe: Actually, you being gone was pretty fun.
Brian: I know what I am going to do. I’m going to take it upon myself to find you the perfect woman. I’m gonna make you my personal project.
Joe: No. No. No. Not again. The last time you had a project, I had to go to court.
Brian: Oh, yeah. Thanks a lot, Mr. Witness for the prosecution.
Joe: Brian, please, I can find my own dates.
Brian: Joe, you can’t even play a game of 1-on-1. How are you gonna play a game of 1-on-1.
Joe puts the dirty rag on Brian’s face and grabs the basketball. He runs, dribbles then dunks.
Joe: A game to 11. $100.
Joe passes the ball to Brian. Brian takes the ready position, but puts the ball down.
Brian: I’d like to, but I’ve got the whole gang waitin’ outside for me.
The next day a passenger approaches the Sandpiper Air counter.
Woman: Uh, can you tell me when the next flight from Boston arrives?
Fay: Oh, uh, yeah, there’s an Aeromass flight due in soon. Are you meeting someone?
Woman: Oh, my son. He’s in the army.
Fay: Oh, how nice for you. My 2nd husband, George, was in the army. Or was that my first husband, George?
Woman: You had 2 husbands named George?
Fay: Uh, three actually. Uh, buried them all.
Woman: That’s rather unsual.
Fay: Not really. Where I come from, we always bury our dead.
Woman: Well, thank you.
The woman nervously looks at Fay then leaves. Fay turns to Joe.
Fay: Uh, you buried your father when he died, didn’t you?
Joe: Yes, why?
Fay: Just checking.
Brian: Joseph! Just the man I’m looking for.
Brian runs to Joe.
Brian: Last night, I found you the perfect woman.
Joe: Didn’t you listen to a word I said?
Brian: Joe, I heard your words, but I also heard your cries for help and I was moved.
Joe: Forget it, Brian. You wasted your time.
Brian: No, Joe, don’t you even wanna know who the date of your dreams is?
Helen happens to be passing by.
Helen: Ooh, I’m curious.
Brian: Her name is Cindy.
Joe: Well, that changes everything.
Helen: Cindy. Joe and Cindy. Cindy and Joe. I can see that on towels.
Helen walks away.
Fay: Uh, Joe, Cindy is a nice name. In my stewardess days, I—I—I once flew with a girl named Cindy. I’ll never forget her. She spilled a bag of peanuts in a minister’s lap. Then made the mistake of going after them herself. It’s now in the training manual, under the heading “Don’t ever do this”.
Joe: Brian, I’m gonna take a pass on Cindy.
Brian: No, no, Joe, Joe, Joe. I’ll tell you straight. If you don’t go out with Cindy, then her best friend Gail doesn’t go out with me. And gail is…all right. You remember that fantasy I’ve had since Junior High?
Joe: You’re kidding?
Brian: I swear.
Joe: You found a 6-foot, redheaded oriental girl?
Brian: And she could cook. Joe, God love her, she can cook!
Helen: Give it up, Brian. Joe has a policy of no blind dates.
Brian: Wha—more dating rules? What is it with you people? Joe, do you think that I would put you in the awkward position of dating a perfect stranger? Shame on you. That’s why I have Cindy waiting right outside.
Brian goes to fetch Cindy.
Joe: She’s what? Are you out of your mind? Can you believe this?
Helen: Uh, can’t even imagine it. A six-foot redheaded oriental.
Brian returns with Cindy in tow.
Brian: Cindy McGrath, Joe Hackett. Joe. Cindy.
Joe and Cindy shake hands.
Brian: Boy, do I feel like a 3rd wheel.
Brian walks away.
Cindy: Brian tells me that you’re a pilot, too. That’s so exciting.
Joe: Brian’s told me all about…your name.
Helen and Brian watch Cindy and Joe.
Joe: So, what do you do?
Cindy: Oh, I work down at the Buy-Rite drugstore. Yeah, I’m the head of the cosmetics department.
Joe: That sounds fascinating.
Cindy: Oh, it is. I mean, the right colors can just make such a difference. Well, take your face, great bone structure, but I could do wonders with a little bronzer. You know, sort of, a Julio Iglesias kind of a thing.
Joe: Tha—thank you.
Cindy: Um—do you have a little girls’ room? I have this really awful feeling that my eye shadow is wrong.
Cindy hides her face.
Joe: Uh, yeah. Sure, it’s, uh, it’s right up the stairs there.
Joe leads Cindy to the staircase.
Brian: So, uh, Joe. What do you think?
Joe pinches Brian’s ears.
Brian: Ow, ow, ear, pain, hurts, hurts. Hate that.
Joe: What did you get me into?
Helen: Oh, come on, Joe. It’s not that big of a deal. Besides, she’s kind of cute.
Joe: I specifically asked him not to do this.
Helen: Look, it’s one day out of your life. Now, go.
Joe: Well, you’re right. She’s not so bad, and I have been meaning to get out. She’s not exactly my type, but what the heck.
Roy approaches Joe.
Roy: Hackett, from what I’ve heard about Cindy McGrath, she’s pretty much everybody’s type.
Joe: What do you mean?
Lowell: Is that the Cindy McGrath that lives out on Madaket road?
Roy: That’s the one.
Joe: One what?
Lowell: Joe, let me see if I can find the words to explain it.
Lowell approaches Joe and puts his hand on his shoulder.
Roy comes up to Joe.
Roy: Look, Hackett, Cindy’s got a certain reputation. A lot of guys tend to drop by her place on weekends.
Joe: Are you telling me, she’s a pro?
Roy: Shh! Hackett. Relax. She’s no professional, but she’s unquestionably the island’s ranking amateur. What is she doing here?
Lowell: I heard she’s dating Joe.
Joe: I am not dating her and I have no plans to.
Joe turns to Brian.
Joe: You knew about this, didn’t you?
Brian: Yes, yes, yes. I did know about it, but she’s trying to change. Gail asked me to try to find Cindy someone who’s nice, dependable, a real gentleman. Excuse me, Joe, but I thought of you.
Cindy: I’m back, Joe. Now…
Cindy closes her eyes. Joe looks at her confused.
Cindy: Isn’t this better? My eye shadow was completely wrong. And me, a professional.
Roy: Whoops, I stand corrected.
Joe: Uh, Cindy…Brian shouldn’t have…I—I just don’t think…
Cindy: You know all about me, right?
Joe: Well, some of the guys…
Cindy: It’s ok. I’m used to it.
Joe: Look, I’m really sorry.
Cindy: Yeah, me too. Well, thanks for not coming up with some stupid excuse. Believe me, I’ve heard some doozies. Well…I guess it’s just not in the cards for me to go out with a nice guy.
Cindy walks away.
Joe: Cindy, wait. I don’t see why we couldn’t go out to dinner sometime.
Cindy: You don’t have to do this.
Joe: No, really. I want to. Uh, Saturday night ok, about 8:00?
Cindy: I’d like that. Thanks. Uh, so you’ll call me?
Cindy leaves. Roy approaches Joe.
Roy: Here you go, uh, Hackett.
Roy hands Joe a piece of paper.
Roy: You’re gonna need this.
Joe: What is it?
Roy: Cindy’s telephone number. I found it carved on that post over there.
Brian enters Joe’s office.
Brian: Hey, big guy. Don’t let what those yahoos said about Cindy bother you. Tongues wag. What can you do?
Joe: Brian, come in here.
Brian: You’re not gonna do that ear thing, are you?
Joe: Look, I said I’d take Cindy out and I will. But you can’t keep doing this to me. We’re not kids anymore. I mean, I have a reputation on this island. I’m a businessman here. I’m not looking forward to walking down the street with Cindy and having people point at me.
Brian: Joe, Joe, you’re overreacting. They’re not gonna be pointing at you. They’re gonna be pointing at her.
Joe: Just go away and leave me alone.
Brian: Have fun Saturday night.
Joe: Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. You’re gonna be there, aren’t you? You and Cindy’s friend, that was the deal, wasn’t it?
Brian: No, no, no, no. The deal was that I find a date for Cindy and I did.
Joe: Brian, you’re forgetting. If I don’t go out with Cindy, you don’t go out with Gail and…
Joe feigns a sneeze.
Joe: I believe I feel a cold coming on.
Brian: God, you are manipulative.
Joe: I learned at the feet of the master.
Joe bows. Helen arrives.
Helen: Am I interrupting anything?
Brian: No, we’re about done. Joe, are you finished the sanctity of brotherhood?
Joe: For now, but stay close.
Helen: Look, Joe, I know you’re probably feeling uncomfortable about this, so I wanted to come in here and say this. I remember how much it used to hurt me when people referred to me as that fat girl with the cello. And then someone looked past my weight and they saw the real me, and it gave me the strength to just do something about it. So anyway, thanks to you, Cindy may not be called a tramp for the rest of her life. Anyway, I just wanted to come in here and say, nice goin’.
Helen pats Joe.
Joe: Oh, well, thanks.
Helen: And who knows, if Cindy decides to give up on this reforming thing, you might get lucky.
Later that night, Joe steps out of his office.
Fay: Oh Joe, don’t you look nice.
Joe: Oh, thank you, Fay.
Fay: Now, you and Cindy have fun tonight. I hope you remember to put a little something extra in your wallet.
Joe is shocked.
Fay: Well, it never hurts to have an extra $5 in case you have to grab a cab.
Joe: Oh, right.
Fay: Why, what did you think I meant?
Joe: Uh, nothing. Nothing.
Joe walks away.
Man: Hey, Joe. Words out you’re dating Cindy McGrath.
Joe: Who told you that?
Man: Right over here.
The man points at Lowell.
Lowell: Shoot me, Joe, it was a slow news day.
Joe: How many times do I have to tell you people I am not dating her.
Roy: Sure, right, Hackett. I know a guy who didn’t date her last week. Twice.
Joe: Shut up, Roy.
Joe walks over to Brian who is at a table eating.
Joe: Say, Brian, uh, do you and Gail wanna come by and pick us up or should we meet at the restaurant?
Brian: Whoops, that’s tonight, isn’t it? Um, Joe, there’s been a slight change of plans. Things didn’t go so well with Gail. Apparently, I drank a lot more than I thought the other night and Gail’s hair is not red. She’s not oriental, and she was standing on a barstool. So, all in all, I’d say, Cindy’s quite a catch.
Joe: If I’m gonna suffer through this evening, you’re gonna suffer through it, too. Now, I don’t care how you do it. I don’t care where she comes from, I don’t care if her name is Betty, she’s made out of vinyl, and has an air valve sticking out of her neck. You’re gonna fill up that 4th chair tonight.
Joe walks away. Helen approaches Brian.
Helen: Coffee, Brian?
Joe: Helen, what are you doing in an hour?
Helen: Uh, nothing special.
Brian: No, forget it, Joe. She’s got some insipid rule about dating pilots.
Helen: Ok, what’s going on?
Joe: If Brian doesn’t get a date tonight, I have to go out with Cindy alone. Now, I respect your principles and I’ve always admired your integrity, but I’m asking you as a friend to put your rule aside and help me out.
Helen: Oh, that’s lovely, Joe. I’m—I’m so choked up I can barely get out the word “No”.
Joe: All right, all right. If you won’t do it for me, then do it for Cindy. Or maybe you’ve forgotten what you said in my office about helping her live down her reputation.
Brian: Ho, ho, he’s good, isn’t he?
Helen: Oh, all right. I’ll go, why not? Looks like you and I are gonna go out on a date after all.
Joe: And who knows? If things work out, you might get lucky.
Joe laughs then leaves. Brian kisses Helen’s hand.
The bored Helen and Brian wait for Joe and Cindy at The Club Car.
Brian: You know, Helen, I was wondering, when we were younger, before I was a pilot, before you made that silly rule, why is it you and I never dated each other?
Helen: Well, for one, you’re obnoxious.
Brian: Oh, yeah. And you were, well, huge.
Helen: That’s true. But I’ve gotten thinner.
Brian fakes a laugh. Helen is not at all pleased.
Cindy and Joe arrive.
Helen: Oh, here they come. Hi, guys!
All: Hey,Cindy, whoa, Cindy.
The men at the restaurant start catcalling.
Cindy: I’m sorry, Joe. You wanna go someplace else?
Joe: Is there any place else we could go?
Cindy: New Hampshire.
Joe: This will do.
Joe and Cindy approach the table.
Joe: Uh, Cindy, meet Helen Chapel.
Helen and Cindy shake hands as Joe pulls out the chair for Cindy.
Helen: Nice to see you.
Cindy: Nice to see you.
Cindy sits beside Helen.
Cindy: Yeah, I remember you from the other day.
Cindy: Hair, honey blonde. Blush, dusty rose. And lip gloss, Tahitian sunrise. Right?
Helen: Right. How did you know?
Cindy: It’s my business.
Brian and Joe are looking at the menu when Cindy shows them her hand.
Joe and Brian look at each other.
Cindy: Do you like this nail color?
The three exclaim. Helen looks at Cindy’s nails.
Helen: Ah, yes, that’s nice.
Brian: I was just gonna ask you about it.
Cindy: Thanks, I tried about 14 different shades before I got it right. I’m pretty happy with it.
Helen: So are we.
A guy approaches Cindy.
Jimmy: Hey, Cindy, hi, remember me?
Cindy: Uh, gee, I don’t—
Jimmy: Sure, you do. Jimmy.
Jimmy starts to dance.
Jimmy: Remember? You now, I was gonna call you, but I lost your number.
Jimmy leans on the table with a pen and paper ready.
Jimmy: How about givin’ it to me again.
Brian: Hey, what the—
Jimmy: No, this’ll just take a minute.
Cindy: I’m sorry, Joe, I was afraid something like this would happen.
Joe: Look, uh, Jimmy, we were just about to order here.
Jimmy: A minute, ok?
Cindy: Please, not now.
Jimmy: I’m gonna call you this time. I promise. Come on, you remember all the fun we had out on Steve Wilson’s boat? There was you, Steve, that big brunette.
Cindy: Jimmy, I’m busy right now.
Jimmy: Yeah, but what was her name?
Brian: Oh, hey, maybe she doesn’t remember, ok?
Jimmy looks at Brian.
Jimmy: Are you her? No. So you don’t know what she does or doesn’t remember, am I right?
Joe: Anybody know what’s in the Neptune’s bounty?
Cindy: Uh, Jimmy, why don’t we talk some other time?
Jimmy: Great. How about later tonight?
Brian: Oh, hey, buddy, look—
Jimmy: Whoa, whoa, whoa, I’m not your buddy. I’m just trying to get a couple of laughs with the lady here.
Brian: Well, Cindy is with my brother Joe now. She doesn’t laugh anymore.
Helen: Uh, Brian, maybe you should—
Jimmy: Yeah, Brian, maybe you should.
Brian gets off his chair and approaches Jimmy.
Brian: Ok, Jimmy, Jimmy, uh, we’re just trying to have a simple little dinner here.
Jimmy: Oh, really.
Brian: Oh, I really wish you wouldn’t do that.
Brian stands behind Joe.
Brian: Joe does not care for sarcasm.
Jimmy puts his hand on Joe’s shoulder.
Jimmy: Hey, Joe, if you got a problem, just speak up.
Brian: Oh, now you’ve done it. He hates that.
Cindy: I’m sorry, Joe, I didn’t mean to cause you any trouble.
Brian: Cindy, Cindy, it’s not about you. This is between Jimmy and Joe.
Jimmy: You know Joe, I’m getting a little bit tired of your attitude.
Joe: I’ve hardly said a word.
Helen: Well, you better start talking. ‘cause this is not going well.
Joe: Ok, don’t worry. I know how to handle this.
Joe stands up. By now, Jimmy is leaning very close to Cindy.
Brian: No, no, no, no. Joe.
Joe: Now, look, Jimmy, we’ve heard just about enough—
Jimmy punches, but hits Brian instead.
Helen: Oh, Joe, sit down.
Joe attacks Jimmy. The men pull them away.
Man: Okay, you guys. Take it outside. Outside. Outside, come on.
The man leads Jimmy outside. Joe follows.
Joe: I’ll take care of him.
Brian is sitting down, holding his bleeding nose.
Brian: Need any help?
Joe: No, I think you’ve done just about enough.
Brian: Boy, trouble just seems to find that guy.
At the Tom Nevers Field airport, Brian has bandage on his nose.
Helen: You know, until today I never really noticed the family resemblance. Ha!
Brian sits beside Joe who also has a bandage on his nose.
Joe: God, this is so embarrassing.
Helen: Oh, would you just forget it. The place was full of tourists. Nobody you know would ever hear about it.
A bell rings. It’s Roy.
Roy: Well, well. If it isn’t the Spinks brothers.
Joe: Can it, Roy.
Roy: I better watch it. Words out around town. You boys throw a mean nose.
Fay speaks on the PA.
Fay: Sandpiper Air flight 26 to Boston is now boarding.
Cindy arrives. Joe stands up and sees her.
Joe: Cindy, what are you doing here?
Cindy: I’m leaving you, Joe.
Joe looks confused.
Joe: Excuse me?
Cindy: Let’s not kid ourselves. We got in over our heads. And, last night made me realize with my reputation I’ll never make it here. Well, you know what I mean.
Joe: Cindy, I—
Cindy: Please. I know that it would kill you every time some guy looked at me the way guys look at me. So, I’ve decided to move to Boston and get a fresh start. Be strong. Eventually you’ll get over it.
Joe: Well, it won’t be easy, but I’ll try.
Cindy puts her hand on Joe’s cheek.
Cindy: That’s my Joe. Well, goodbye and thanks again. You’re the first guy who ever treated me like a lady.
Cindy gives Joe a kiss on the cheek. She walks away. Joe follows her. Cindy stops.
Cindy: Don’t do this, Joe. Just let me walk out of your life. I want to remember you the way you are right now.
Cindy turns around to look at Joe.
Cindy: Well, maybe without the bandage. Ok?
Cindy resumes walking towards the runway. Joe follows. When they reached the gate, Cindy stops
Cindy: Joe, you’re life is here. And besides, long-distance relationships never work.
Joe: Cindy, I—
Cindy puts a finger on Joe’s lips. Cindy resumes walking. Joe walks with her.
Cindy: Joe, Joe, you’re ripping my heart out. Don’t do this. Don’t follow me like this.
Joe: Cindy, I have to. I’m the pilot of our flight.
Cindy hands Joe her luggage. They both make their way to the plane.
Roy: Not exactly the end of Casablanca, was it?
This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “There Once Was A Girl From Nantucket” episode was written by Dave Hackel. Wings is owned by CBS Studios Inc., Paramount Pictures and Grub Street Productions.
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