Cindy is standing on a chair fixing the curtain when Janet sees her.
Janet: Oh, no! Let me help you.
Cindy: No, Janet, I’ve got it. Let go.
Janet: Cindy, oh, okay, but please be careful.
Cindy: Boy, everybody thinks I’m a klutz, but I’m not. I took these down, vacuumed them and put them back up again without a hitch.
Jack barges in the apartment.
Jack hits the chair Cindy’s standing on. Cindy falls. The curtain falls together with the bookcase and the lamp.
Jack: Cindy, you know, in my book, you’re a perfect 10.
Jack: On the Richter scale.
Cindy: Come on Jack. That was your fault.
Janet: It was, Jack. You’re the one who opened the door.
Jack: Oh right, I should’ve waited till she tore the door off the hinges.
Jack: Listen, I got some news.
Jack kicks the door shut when was about to enter.
Jack: What was that?
Janet: I think it was Larry.
Jack opens the door.
Larry: I’m getting afraid to come down here without a helmet.
Jack: I’m sorry, Larry.
Larry: What are you doin’, redecorating?
Cindy and Janet fix the mess.
Jack: No, Larry, come here. Listen, I got some great news.
Larry: Yeah, well not as great as mine. I finally got a date with the redhead across the street.
Janet: You what? Wait a minute.
Janet: What redhead across the street?
Larry: Well, you probably haven’t met her. She’s a very shy, and retiring girl.
Cindy: You’ve seen her, Janet. She’s the one that mows her lawn with a string bikini.
Janet: Oh, yeah, the one with the big—
Janet: Power mower.
Larry: Right, anyway, she’s coming over to my place to eat. I got the music. I got the wine. I got the just need one thing from your kitchen to make my dinner a complete success.
Jack: What’s that?
Larry: You to cook it.
Jack: Not tonight, Larry.
Larry: “Not tonight, Larry”? That’s what she’s gonna say.
Jack: No, any other night. Dean Travers asked me to teach a night class at the cooking school starting tonight.
Janet: Jack, you’re gonna be teaching? How terrific.
Cindy: Oh Jack, I’m so happy for you.
Larry: Me, too. These are tears of joy.
Jack: Oh, come on pal, it’ll be fun. You’ll have a ball, fooling around in your kitchen.
Larry: I know that, but who’s gonna cook dinner?
Jack: See ya, pal.
Janet: Boy, Jack, teaching. How great!
Jack: Can you imagine that, a teaching credit on my resume? Now, I can get a chance at all those jobs I never could get before, and I can make a lot of coin.
Jack: Let’s go celebrate with some coffee. Drop that, Cindy. Come on.
Cindy drops the plant she’s holding on Janet’s foot.
Janet: Ow, oh, she did it again!
Janet runs to the kitchen.
Janet: Cindy, Cindy, do you know what you did with that pot?
Cindy: I gave it to you.
Jack: Listen, guys, I am so excited about this teaching credit, I can’t believe it.
Janet: Jack, I think it’s wonderful. You know, I’ve always wanted to take a cooking class.
Cindy: Yeah, after that hash you cooked last night, I can see why.
Janet: That wasn’t hash, Cindy. That was meatloaf. It just didn’t stick together. And it wasn’t half bad.
Jack: That’s right, it was all bad.
Janet: I know. It was terrible. I would really love to take your class.
Jack: Well, I think you should.
Janet: Hey, this could really be fun, Cindy. What about you?
Cindy: One thing at a time. I’m still learning how to dust.
Janet: Jack, you think maybe I could start tonight?
Jack: Yeah, sure, but now remember, just because you’re my roommate, that doesn’t mean you’re gonna be getting any special treatment. I’ll be handling you the way I handle all the other girls.
Janet: Would you care to rephrase that?
Jack: Uh, well, yeah, actually, what I mean, Janet, it’ll be strictly teacher-student while we’re there.
Janet: Okay, Jack, I don’t need any special favors. You teach, I’ll learn.
Cindy: Boy, Janet, I bet you do great. At my school, the best students were always the older students.
Janet: Save the pep talk, Cindy.
Jack: Hey, I want complete attention and complete obedience, Miss Wood.
Janet: Yes, sir. I’ll do anything you say, Mr. Tripper.
Jack: Why don’t we start on some homework, okay? Let’s mover over and sit on old teacher’s lap.
Janet sits on Jack’s lap.
Janet: Oh, Jack.
Jack: And let’s cuddle up, and…
Jack is at the cooking school anxiously pacing at the hallway.
Dean Travers: Tripper, come in here. I’ve a few words for you on your first night teaching.
Jack follows Dean Travers to his office.
Jack: Ah, gee, Dean Travers, I remember the last time I was in this office. You know, I was just a student, an unimportant nobody.
Dean Travers: Nothing’s changed.
Jack: You know, I was just about to say that. I can’t thank you enough for all you’ve done for me, Dean. I’ll always look up to you.
Dean Travers: Tripper, I make the speeches. Sit down.
Jack: Sorry. Oh, sorry.
Dean Travers: Now, teaching this class can be just the beginning. Beyond this lies the glory of full-time teaching, moving up the school ladder to administration, and eventually—
Jack: Your job?
Dean Travers: Over my dead body.
Jack: Oh, I’m sorry. It just sort of slipped out.
Dean Travers: Tripper, you talk too much.
Jack: I know, you took the words right out of my mouth. I let ‘em go and I have to get them.
Dean Travers: Tripper! If you do well here, it’ll help you whenever you look for work.
Jack: Thank you, sir.
Dean Travers: but if you screw up, Tripper—
Dean Travers imitates cutting of the throat.
Dean Travers: Which brings me to my next point. My niece Betty Jean is in your class tonight and she needs special attention.
Jack: Oh, I’ll check on her from time to time.
Dean Travers: You know, all she has going for her is beauty.
Jack:…say every five minutes.
Dean Travers: Down, Tripper. My Betty Jean is an innocent, a fragile flower, a delicate bud just beginning to bloom. And I intend to keep her that way.
Jack: A fragile flower, right. I’ll keep the guys out of your garden.
Dean Travers: I’m talking about you. You young goat. I know about those three roommates of yours.
Jack: Only two—well, three. One is taking another’s place.
Dean Travers: Good Lord, he’s running them in shifts.
Jack: Dean Travers, I want you to know how much this teaching job means to me, so, if you have any worries about your niece, please put them to rest.
Dean Travers: Oh, good, Tripper, but you step outta line, and I’ll put you to rest.
Jack: No, sir, I’m sorry. I’ll be careful, no problem.
Jack leaves, but trips on a chair. Jack is in his classroom, teaching.
Jack: Okay, and so, using the crescent side of the grater and the softer cheddar, we produce the long slivers that will melt evenly in oven heat. Okay, okay? Now, moving right along in our first discussion of basic coking skills, let us now consider the egg.
Jack shows his class an egg.
Jack: You’ll all notice, it’s egg-shaped.
Jack laughs on his own joke, but only Janet laughs with him.
Jack: I really don’t know which came first, the shape or the egg.
Jack laughs and Janet forces a laugh.
Jack: Thank you very much, miss, uh—what is your name?
Jack: Miss Wood, thank you very much. Now, in—
Betty Jean: Am I late, Mr. Tripper?
Jack: Well, you’re either very late for this class or very early for the next. Please be seated.
Betty Jean: I’m sorry, I had this slow waitress.
Jack: You know, there are only a few minutes left in this class, Miss, Miss uh—
Betty Jean: Betty Jean Travers.
Jack: Betty Dean—uh, Dean Tr—oh, well—you know, I always say, the last minutes of class are always the ones that count the most.
Betty Jean: Oh, good, I hope I haven’t missed too much.
Jack: Noooo, nothing—and don’t worry, Miss Wood will be happy to lend you her notes.
Janet: Well, I’ll be needing these—
Jack: Good, now, returning to the egg, or “back into our shell,” so to speak. You’re going to be using many eggs in the course, of this course,
Betty Jean removes her sweater and reveals that she’s wearing a very tight shirt and not wearing a bra.
Jack: And so we’ll need to talk about separating them, that is removing the yolk from the sweater. Uh, uh, from—from the whites. Now, uh, uh, when a yolk
Betty Jean starts fixing her hair in a flirtatious way.
Jack: Now, uh, uh, when a yolk is harder to separate when it’s blond. Uh, when it’s cold, so you don’t want to refrigerate the—
Betty Jean raises her hand.
Betty Jean: I was wondering, which eggs taste better, the brown shells or the white?
Jack: What a wonderful question, Miss Travers. Pertinent, hard hitting, to the point.
Janet: What’s the answer, Mr. Tripper?
Jack: Patience, Miss Wood. Actually, there is no difference in food quality or taste. Okay? Okay.
Jack: Now, separating the egg, so as not to break the yolk. If you can all see me, watch carefully. Try to crack it in the middle, like this, and using your fingernails, separate slowly. That’s it, keeping the yolk in one half, and then you use what we call rocking. Right here. And you see? Presto! We have an unbroken yolk in the shell, and the whites are in your mixing bowl.
Betty Jean claps.
Jack: You see? Thank you, thank you very—
The egg slips from Jack’s hand.
Jack: Whoa! Thank you very much. Can we have some volunteers? I’d like to see a couple of you try this yourselves.
Betty Jean volunteers.
Jack: Yes, Miss Travers, why don’t you come over here and take mixing bowl number one, all right?
Betty Jean goes in front of the class. Janet follows her.
Jack: And who else? Okay, you, that’s fine.
Betty Jean: Well, I’m ready, Mr. Tripper.
Jack: You sure are, aren’t ya? All right, here are your legs, adies,
Jack hands Betty Jean an egg.
Jack: Or, here are your eggs, Ladies.
Jack hands Janet an egg.
Jack: Let’s get cracking.
Jack chuckles. Betty Jean and Janet crack their eggs.
Jack: Oh, that’s not bad—well…
Janet: Miss Wood, you’re supposed to separate it, not scramble it.
Betty Jean throws the shell in the mixing bowl.
Betty Jean: I’m afraid I’ve made a mess of mine.
Jack: Not at all, all you need is a little practice. Here’s another eggy-eggy for you.
Janet: May I have another egg, too?
Jack: Yeah, right.
Jack throws an egg over to Janet.
Jack: Yeah, but make this one count, Miss Wood, okay? I mean, laying these cannot be very comfortable for the chickens, you know?
Betty Jean makes another mess.
Jack: Oh, well, that’s not too bad. That’s pretty good, in fact.
Janet: Oh, Mr. Tripper?
Jack: You’ll learn.
Betty Jean: I have this feeling I’m going to get so much out of this class.
Jack: Absolutely. Let me wipe those hands. You don’t want to attract any angry chickens out there, do you?
Janet: May I have a towel, too, please?
Jack: Certainly. Right here.
Jack throws a towel at Janet. The bell rings.
Jack: There’s the bell. All right, all right. Cooks to be, I’ll see you tomorrow night, same place, same time. And as the old vegetarian once said, “Lettuce turnicp on time, so I don’t have to ask you where you’ve bean.”
Jack chortles. The students are not amused.
Janet: Suffering succotash!
Jack: Okay, you crazy little Rutabagas, go on with you now. Bye-bye. See you later.
Janet: How come I got all the hassling, and Miss Betty Jean gorgeous got the velvet cushion treatment?
Jack: Janet, she happens to be Dean Traver’s niece, and he wants me to teach her how to cook!
Janet: Well, she’s cooking already Jack! In fact, she’s about to boil over!
Janet walks out. Jack follows her.
Jack: Janet, Janet—wait, can I—
Janet: Excuse me.
Betty Jean stops Jack.
Betty Jean: Mr. Tripper, I just have to do well in this course.
Jack: Well, I’m sure if you apply yourself, there’ll be no problem.
Betty Jean: Oh, I will.
Betty Jean flirts with Jack She stands very close to Jack and plays with his suit collar..
Betty Jean: Do you think there’s any chance of my getting an—
Betty Jean speaks softly into Jack’s ear. Jack chokes.
Jack: Uh, well, I don’t—I don’t see why not.
Betty Jean: You see, I’m not one of those natural cooks, but there are some things that I do naturally.
Jack: Oh, I bet there are.
Betty Jean runs her hand on Jack’s hair.
Betty Jean: Like this.
Betty Jean kisses Jack.
Jack’s talking is muffled by their kissing. They continue to kiss when an angry Janet arrives. Janet sees them, becomes even more upset and leaves. Jack pushes away Betty Jean.
Jack: Miss Travers!
Betty Jean: We’re gonna have such fun staying after class.
Betty Jean tries to untie Jack’s tie.
Jack: No, wait a minute, you don’t have to do this.
Betty Jean: You mean you’ll give me an “A” for nothing?
Jack: No, no, no, no. I mean, if you’ll apply yourself, perhaps—
Betty Jean pulls Jack’s tie.
Betty Jean: I’m trying to apply myself.
Jack: No, I meant in class.
Betty Jean pulls Jack and starts to undress him.
Jack: No, Miss—
Betty Jean: Oh, but I do—
Jack: No, I’m sorry, Miss Travers, no deal!
Jack pulls himself away, but his vest is all disheveled.
Betty Jean: Okay, chicken.
Betty Jean takes an egg, puts it inside Jack’s breast pocket and smashes it.
Betty Jean: Try separating that!
Jack is back at the apartment preparing for class when the doorbell rings.
Jack: It’s open.
Larry: Oh, hi, buddy.
Jack: Hey, Lar, come on in.
Larry: Hey, how’d the teaching job go?
Jack: Oh, let’s not talk about that. How did the redhead work out?
Larry: She didn’t work out. She walked out.
Jack: What happened?
Larry: I don’t know. I planned the perfect romantic dinner. I served roast beef with gravy, buttered corn, green peas. For dessert, there was apple cobbler.
Jack: Well, that sounds great. Didn’t she like it?
Larry: Yeah, she said the least I could’ve done was taken it out of the little tray.
Jack: Larry, you served that girl a frozen dinner?
Larry: Well, parts of it still were.
Jack: Lar…hey, pal, that is not the way to make points with a girl. You gotta show her that you care.
Larry: I was planning to do that…after dinner. Hey, I got a thought. What would happen if I enrolled in your cooking class?
Larry: Yeah, really.
Jack: You’d probably flunk.
Jack: No, are you serious?
Jack: Well, then show up tonight at 7:00 sharp.
Larry: 7:00, gotcha.
Jack: Yeah, ready to take notes.
Larry: How do you take notes in cooking school, on wax paper?
Larry giggles. Cindy and Janet arrive.
Larry: Hi there.
Cindy and Janet: Hello.
Larry: Hey, guess what?
Larry: I’m taking Jack’s cooking class tonight.
Janet: If you wanna learn anything, Larry, wear a tight sweater.
Jack: Janet, will you stop hassling me about Betty Jean?
Larry: Who’s Betty Jean?
Janet: Nobody—just your average, run-of-the-mill sexpot.
Larry: Really? She’s learning how to cook?
Janet: Not only that, she’s offering free samples.
Larry: Free samples! Jack, I’ll be there at 6:00.
Larry leaves. Janet pouts at Jack.
Jack: At least give me a chance to explain.
Jack: Janet, will you—
Cindy: Janet isn’t speaking to you.
Jack: why not?
Janet: Tell him, that I am so mad at that stinker, I may never speak to him.
Cindy: Janet says she’s so mad—
Jack: I heard, I heard. All right, you tell her that Dean Travers asked me to give his niece a little extra help, and that’s all I did.
Cindy: Jack said Dean Travers asked…
Janet: Tell him…
Janet blows raspberry.
Cindy: Janet says…
Cindy blows raspberry and her saliva flies all over Jack’s face.
Janet: And tell him I saw him kissing her.
Cindy: She said—
Jack: Tell her, Betty Jean kissed me. I had nothing to do with it.
Janet laughs cynically.
Cindy: Jack said—
Jack: And if she doesn’t believe me, she can ask Dean Travers.
Janet: Fine, I’ll believe him!
Cindy: She says, “Fine, I’ll—“
Jack: Tell her, Dean Travers shows up a half an hour before my class starts.
Cindy: Jack says—
Janet: Tell him I can’t wait to call his bluff.
Cindy: Janet says, have a class for an hour, and she’ll wait to bluff—
Jack: Tell her that I don’t—
Cindy: Hold it! I quit! Janet, you’re just gonna have to write notes.
Janet: Thanks a lot, Cindy.
Jack hands Janet a pencil and notebook.
Jack: Here, is there anything else you don’t wanna say to me?
Janet starts writing forcefully.
Janet: Oh, you bet there is.
Janet tears a page from the notebook.
Janet: Give him this.
Janet hands Cindy the paper. Cindy passes the paper to Jack. Jack reads the note.
Jack: I will not! What’s the word right there?
Jack shows Cindy the note. Cindy is shocked.
Cindy: Don’t play jokes with me, Jack.
Jack and Janet walk to Dean Travers office.
Jack: Oh, Janet, there’s a lesson to be learned from all this. A lesson on faith, honesty and trust.
Janet: All right, fine, Jack. If you’ve learned a lesson, it’s been worth it.
Jack: Not me, you!
Janet: Oh, Jack.
Janet forces Jack’s hand to knock the door.
Dean Travers; Who is it?
Jack: Jack Tripper.
Dean Travers: Oh, good.
Jack: This guy loves me.
Dean Travers: Crawl in here, you miserable, depraved worm.
Jack: See what I mean.
Janet pushes Jack inside Dean Travers’ office.
Jack: Uh, Dean Travers, you remember Janet wood?
Dean Travers: Miss Wood.
Dean Travers: And I’m sure you remember my niece, Tripper. Betty Jean was just telling me what happened here at the school last night, and I must say, I’m shocked.
Jack: Well, don’t be too hard on her Dean. After all, she’s young and—
Dean Travers: Quiet! How dare you threaten to flunk my niece unless she kissed you!
Jack is shocked.
Jack: W-w-wait a minute, that’s not what happened.
Janet: Jack, if I hadn’t seen you with my own eyes.
Jack: Who you gonna believe, me or your own eyes?
Dean Travers: I warned you!
Jack: Look, Betty Jean, tell your uncle what really happened.
Betty Jean: Before you attacked me or after?
Jack: Before—wait! After. Neither, neither. Just forget the question.
Dean Travers: I’m taking your class tonight, Tripper.
Jack: But Mr. Travers—
Dean Travers: You’re through! When I spread the word about you, you won’t be able to get a job tying knots in a pretzel factory. Come along.
Dean Travers and Betty Jean leave.
Janet: Jack, you have ruined your entire career! And all over a girl!
Janet walks out.
Jack: I wasn’t all over her. She was all over me!
Jack stays in the office worried. Betty Jean returns.
Betty Jean: Mr. Tripper? Jack?
Jack: What’d you do, forget to take the knife out of my back?
Betty Jean: I’m sorry, I said what I did. It’s just that I have this funny thing about rejection.
Jack: Oh, don’t worry about it. Thanks to you, I get to go home early.
Betty Jean: I’m serious. How can I make it up to you?
Jack: You can tell your uncle the truth.
Betty Jean: I couldn’t do that. He’d kill me.
Jack: Well, we all have to go sometime.
Betty Jean: Tell you what: let me work on my uncle. But first, let me work on you.
Betty Jean starts to come on to Jack.
Jack: Wait a second—you mean that? You’d talk to him?
Betty Jean: Sure, if you’re nice enough to me.
Jack: Would you just hang on one little second here? I just wanna make sure no one disturbs us.
Jack leaves Betty Jean in the office. He slowly closes the door. Larry walks by.
Jack: Larry, Larry, come here. Larry, I need a favor. I got Dean Traver’s niece in there.
Larry: Oh, you want me to be your lookout?
Jack: Right. No, Larry. Look, I want you to go find Dean Travers and Janet and have them listen at the door.
Larry: Well, it’s a little kinky—
Jack: No, Larry! Larry. They just went down the hall. Go after them. Get ‘em. I want them to hear every word said in here. Move!
Larry: Okay, okay. I’m on my way.
Jack enters the office.
Betty Jean: I thought You’d never come back.
Jack: Come here, gorgeous.
Betty Jean: Why don’t you come on over here by the sofa?
Jack: Um, no, actually, I have this thing about doors.
Jack thumps his head at the door. Betty Jean walks over to Jack and starts kissing him.
Jack: Shouldn’t we talk first?
Betty Jean: Talking I can get at home.
Jack: No, wait, wait, I just have a question.
Jack: Betty Jean, did you really mean it when you propositioned me in order to get an “A”?
Betty Jean: Well, I—
Jack: You’re gonna have to talk up a little bit. I have this water in my ear—it’s an old submarine injury. Did you really mean it about that “A”, Betty Jean?
Betty Jean: I would’ve done anything for an “A”.
Jack: Ah-ha! All right!
Jack goes out the door.
Jack: There’s nobody here.
Betty Jean: We’re all alone.
Betty Jean pulls Jack back inside.
Betty Jean: I wanna start earning my “A”.
Jack: Yeah, but Betty—wait a second.
Betty Jean: Come on.
Betty Jean pulls Jack to the sofa. Jack falls on the floor instead. He reaches out for a magazine.
Jack: Whoa! There’s a wonderful article in here about pancake reproduction. Where is it?
Betty Jean pulls Jack beside her.
Jack: Where is it? You might like this one here about—
Betty Jean pulls Jack and kisses him.
Dean Travers enters the office followed by Janet. Betty Jean sees them.
Betty Jean: Help me, help! Somebody, save me! Get this animal off of me!
Dean Travers: Tripper, unhand that girl!
Betty Jean stands up. Jack struggles to get up.
Janet: Jack, how could you?!
Jack: I could’ve, but I didn’t.
Betty Jean: I, I left my purse in here, and—and he grabbed me.
Jack: That’s not what happened. Betty Jean, here, she—
Dean Travers: Tripper, are you trying to tell me this sweet, innocent child was the aggressor, and you were the victim? Is that what you want me to believe?
Jack: Oh, yes, sir, I’d be so grateful if you would. Even if it was a gril, I’d name her Deannette. Anything—
Janet: Jack, would you just give it up?
Larry runs inside the office.
Larry: Jack, I couldn’t—
Dean Travers: You coward! Trying to shift the blame to my Betty Jean.
Larry: Betty Jean—B.J.! I thought I recognized you.
Dean Travers: You know him?
Betty Jean: I’ve never seen him before in my life.
Larry: Oh, that hurts. I gave this girl $200 off a used car, and she gave me a night I will never forget.
Betty Jean: I don’t know what he’s talking about.
Dean Travers: Young man, I don’t know who you are, and I don’t want to. But you say one more word to sully the reputation of this sweet child, who’s as pure as the driven snow—
Larry: Okay, okay, I’ll cool it, but I did give her a great buy on a ’76 Chevy.
Betty Jean: It was a ’75, Larry!
Dean Travers: Betty Jean.
Janet: Well, well, well. It seems the driven snow has a few tire tracks on it.
Dean Travers: Tripper, perhaps I judged you too hastily. You better go now and begin your class, while Betty Jean and I sort this out.
Jack: Let’s go students. We have class.
Jack looks to Betty Jean.
Jack: At least, some of us have.
Betty Jean: Larry, by the way, you know, that car you sold me was nothing but a big lemon.
Betty Jean: And if I remember correctly, so were you.
Larry: She, uh, excuse me.
Larry chortles. Jack and Janet are talking outside the office. Larry steps out of the office.
Larry: What do women know about cars? Excuse me.
Janet: Oh, Jack, I feel so terrible.
Janet: Are you ever gonna forgive me?
Jack: I don’t know.
Janet: Oh, please, please, please.
Janet hugs Jack.
Janet: Jack, I’d do anything to make it up to you.
Jark: Forget it, that’s how I got into this mess in the first place.
Back at the apartment, Jack knocks on the kitchen door.
Jack: Come on, Janet. Let us in.
Janet: No, not yet. It’s not ready.
Jack: She’s been there for hours.
Cindy: Well, it’s the first dinner Janet’s cooked since she started going to class, and she wants it to be perfect.
Jack: I know, Cindy, but I’m her teacher. I don’t mind if—
Janet pops out of the kitchen wearing a toque.
Janet: Okay, you two, come and get it!
Jack: It’s about time.
Cindy and Jack enter the kitchen.
Cindy: Oh, Janet, it’s beautiful.
Jack: Janet, you’ve outdone yourself. I must say.
Janet: Hurry up, sit down, and taste it.
Jack: I’m gonna dig right in.
Jack: Mmm not bad. You’re learning.
Cindy: Not bad? It’s delicious. Jack, this is better than yours.
Janet: Come on, Cindy. It couldn’t be.
Cindy: It is, this is the best veal I’ve ever tasted.
Janet: Please, you’re embarrassing me.
Jack: Why? It just proves I’m a good teacher.
Janet: Why Jack, you mean you don’t mind if mine tastes better than yours?
Jack: I’m flattered. It’s not every day that the pupil exceeds the teacher.
Janet: Thank you, Jack.
Jack: Excuse me.
Jack walks out of the kitchen.
Jack: Better than mine!
Jack weeps and kneels on the floor.
This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Teacher's Pet” episode was written by Mark Tuttle. Three’s Company is a registered Service Mark of Three’s Company (California Joint Venture of The NRW Company and T.T.C. Productions, Inc.)
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