Brian approaches Carol.
Brian: Oh! Carol. I knew you’d come. I knew you’d come back.
Brian hugs Carol tightly.
Carol: Oh, uh…Well, you’re one up on me. I had no idea I’d be here. That’s why I sent the cabdriver with the flowers.
Brian: Yeah, yeah, Luther. Oh, great guy. I think we’re engaged. If we can get past the racial thing. Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey.
Brian turns to Joe and Helen and leads Carol to them.
Brian: Bet you feel pretty silly now, huh? Look who showed up.
Carol: Gee, Joe. This is an unexpectedly awkward moment.
Joe: Yeah, but thank God it’s uncomfortable.
Joe: The only reason I’m here is because I thought you wouldn’t be. I figured Brian might need someone to make sure he got home safe and sound.
Brian: Ah, you know, Joe. Once a crossing guard, always a crossing guard.
Helen: Well, well, Carol. I guess I’m the last person on earth you expected to see here.
Carol: I’m sorry. Do we know each other?
Helen: I’m Helen Chapel.
Carol: I’m sorry…
Helen: Oh, please! Don’t tell me you don’t know who I am…that’s right. Last time you saw me, I was a little overweight.
Carol: I’m trying to place you—
Helen: You used to call me, “Fat, fat, the water rat”.
Helen walks up to Carol.
Brian: Helen, apparently, she—
Helen: Oh, of course, she remembers who I was. I went to school with her for eight years, for God’s sake.
Joe: Helen, why don’t we see what’s out these other windows?
Joe grabs Helen and drags her away from Carol.
Helen: I sat right next to you in 4th grade. I’d do your homework and you’d give me your lunch.
Joe and Helen leave Brian and Carol. Brian stammers.
Brian: I just can’t believe you’re here. Um, Carol, I know this time we’re really gonna make it work. No, no, no, really, and—and I—
Carol: Brian, Brian. Before you go jumping to any conclusions, I’m still going to London…I just—I mean, I have a job there. It’s just that when I got on the plane, I couldn’t stop thinking of you standing here all by yourself.
Brian: But you’re forgetting Luther and what we mean to each other.
Carol: You had no way of knowing I’d even get your message. But you…I knew you’d be here. I couldn’t ignore a gesture like that.
Brian: A gesture like mine. What about your gesture?
Carol: What do you mean?
Brian: Well, I mean, flying to London from Miami stopping in Boston? That’s not exactly a direct flight. I mean, why else would you wanna come here other than to see me?
Carol: To say goodbye to my parents?
Brian: Oh. Hey, do they still have that 3-legged blind Chihuahua?
Carol: Well, look, Brian, I better go. I think I can still catch the late flight.
Brian sweeps Carol off her feet. Carol gasps. They kiss passionately. Helen and Joe take a telescope and view what is happening.
Carol: We should’ve kissed like that more often.
Brian: I guess I was always too busy trying to swallow your tonsils. Look, uh, we can’t let it end like this. You gotta come back to Nantucket with me. I’m not looking for a commitment or anything like that. Just give it 40 or 50 years, and then if things don’t work out, I’ll pop your teeth back in and off you go.
Carol walks to the elevator. She stops then sighs.
Carol: Well, maybe it’s worth a try.
Brian and Carol prepare to kiss. Carol looks at Helen and Joe who both are still watching through the telescope.
Brian: Hey, uh, guys. Carol is coming back to the island with us.
Joe: No kidding. Isn’t that great?
Helen grabs her purse from the bench and approaches Carol.
Helen: Your father used to run that little ice cream parlor on Federal street, right?
Carol: Yes, but I—
Helen: Well, that was practically my 2nd home. Of course, now I know that I only overeat, because I’m nervous or anxious about something.
The elevator door dings.
Helen: Oh, you remember? You pushed me down on the sidewalk ‘cause I spilled hot fudge all over your new dress.
They make their way to the elevator.
Joe: Give it up, Helen.
Helen: I’m hungry. Is anybody hungry?
Brian is flying the airplane. Carol sits beside him and Joe behind him. Helen is at the back looking for food.
Helen: Haven’t you got anything to eat back here? Some peanuts or some crackers or—
Joe: Relax, will you? It’s only a 40-minute flight.
Helen: Maybe one of those pre-moistened towelettes. You know, with the lemon scent. I could just sort of suck on it.
Carol: Oh, would you look at that moon? Isn’t it beautiful.
Joe goes between Carol and Brian to look at the moon.
Brian: Ah, well, well, well, well, would you look at the three of us?
Joe: You know, there was a time when I didn’t think I’d be speaking to either of you again.
Carol: Uh, Joe, about that time when—when Brian and I, um, well, you know…
Joe: You mean, when you dumped me and ran off with Brian?
Carol: Oh, you do remember.
Joe: Don’t worry, Carol, that was six years ago. I don’t even think about it anymore.
Helen mouths “Oh, yes you do”.
Carol: Well, can I say I’m sorry?
Joe: I think you just did. So, uh, I guess you’re gonna be needing a place to stay.
Carol: Oh, I’ll find a room.
Brian: Oh, don’t be silly. You can move in with us. Joe can move out for a few days. All right?
Carol: Oh, no, I don’t want to inconvenience anybody.
Brian: Well, how about Helen? She’s got an extra bedroom.
Helen taps on the ceiling and signals “No”.
Carol: Ah, but that’s ok, really. I feel a little uncomfortable staying with strangers.
Helen marches up to Carol to try and strangle her, but Joe stops her.
Carol: There are plenty of guest houses on the island. I’ll be fine.
Helen looks around her seat.
Helen: Ha! Yeah! I found a package of roasted almonds.
Helen excitedly shakes the packet.
Helen: Found it right between the seats. Ha!
The next day, Roy walks up to the lunch counter to get some coffee.
Roy: Morning, Helen. What you got there?
Helen: None of your business.
Roy: Looks like you crushed up a bag of Oreos and poured milk over them.
Helen: I’m all out of oat bran, ok?
Roy: Are you upset about somethin’?
Helen: I’m not upset about anything. I’m just trying to have a little breakfast here and if I hear on more word out of you, I’m gonna cram this friggin’ bowl down your throat.
Helen angrily goes to the kitchen.
Roy: You know, for a second there, she sounded just like my late wife.
Roy sits on a stool when Lowell approaches him.
Lowell: Where’s Helen?
Roy: Trust me, Lowell. You don’t wanna know.
Roy opens his newspaper and starts to read.
Lowell: Yes, I do.
Roy: I think it’s one of those woman things. God, I’m tired of those.
Lowell: You’re tired of them?
Lowell: You’re tired of those woman things?
Roy shakes his head.
Lowell: Roy, are you telling me that you’re a woman dressed up like a man?
Roy: What did you say?
Lowell: And a hearing loss to boot. You’ve got a lot on your plate my friend.
Lowell puts his hand on Roy’s shoulder. Roy gets up from his stool.
Roy: Are you stark raving mad?
Lowell: Ah, a fiery wench. Guys love that.
Roy steps away from Lowell.
Roy: You stay away from me.
Lowell: Relax, Roy. My wife would kill me if she caught me cheating on her.
Brian enters the airport and goes straight to the Sandpiper Air counter.
Brian: Hey, guys.
Joe: Hey, Brian, how was the flight?
Brian: Ah, routine. The controls seemed a little sluggish at first, but then some fat guy fell out and everything’s fine.
Joe: Very funny.
Joe makes his way to the lunch counter. Brian follows him.
Brian: Hey, Joe, I promised I would take Carol on a picnic over at Siasconset Light, but in order to do that, you gotta take my next flight for me, huh?
Joe: Sounds like you guys are getting along pretty well.
Brian: Ah, we’re doing great. It’s like a fresh start. So, what do you say? You’ll do it, please? Please, please, please?
Joe: Yeah, sure. Why not?
Brian: Ah! Great! I just gotta dash out and get some goodies. I’ll be back in 10 minutes. I love you.
Lowell walks past Joe and Brian, while Brian gives Joe a kiss on the cheek.
Lowell: I’ve got to start paying closer attention around here.
Helen steps out of the kitchen with pie on her hand and all over her mouth.
Joe: Good God, Helen, what are you doing?
Helen: I’m having a little snack.
Joe: Ever since Carol came back, you’ve done nothing, but eat, eat, eat. Helen, look at yourself.
Helen slowly turns her head to Joe.
Joe: You’ve got pie all over your face.
Helen: Oh, God. I’m lettin’ this woman affect me. I’ve reverted back to my old self-destructive eating habits.
Helen puts the pie down and slides it over to Joe.
Helen: Take that away from me.
Joe: Good for you.
Helen wipes the pie on her mouth. Joe takes the pie with him.
Helen: I’m done piggin’ out. Thanks, Joe.
Lowell walks over to the counter. Helen whispers to him.
Helen: Lowell, did you get the pizza?
Lowell: Uh, it’s out on the pickup. Do you want me to get it?
Helen: No! No, no. Bring it out to the hangar. There’s too many prying eyes around here.
Helen: And whatever you do, don’t let Joe see you.
Lowell: Don’t worry about Joe. He’s got other things on his mind.
Joe is in his office, tidying up his desk when there’s a knocking on the door.
Carol: Am I disturbing anything?
Joe: Carol. No, come in. I was just straightening up my desk.
Carol: Still neat as a pin, huh?
Joe: Well, hey, I am getting better. I mean—I mean, do you see that stapler? In the old days, that would’ve had to have been at a 90-degree angle. Now, it’s about 82, and it doesn’t bother me at all.
Joe subtly straightens the stapler elusive
Joe: So, uh, you’re going on a picnic, huh?
Carol: Joe, I hope all this hasn’t been too difficult for you.
Joe: You mean, seeing you and Brian together? No, no, it’s ok. I’m happy for you two. I mean, it took me a while, but I finally realized that it’s not gonna work between you and me. And if it’s not gonna—
Carol lunges at Joe and kisses him passionately. Joe pushes her away.
Joe: Carol! Carol.
Joe kisses Carol. They continue to kiss for quite some time, when Joe pushes himself away and steps away from Carol.
Joe: No! No! This—this can’t happen. You came back for Brian.
Carol: I know I did. But all of a sudden, all these feelings for you came welling up inside me. I didn’t plan this, Joe. I’m as surprised as you are.
Joe: I doubt it.
Joe and Carol embrace, kiss and moan. Joe pushes Carol to the door. He pulls away.
Joe: We should be ashamed of ourselves. I mean, Brian is out buying bread and cheese and, I don’t know, those little smoked oysters, maybe, and—and…
Carol: Oh, I hope he doesn’t get those little smoked oysters. I don’t like those. Do you?
Joe: Not much.
Joe walks closer to Carol.
Joe: Well, sometimes if you get the right kind. I like the ones…
They start kissing again. Carol pushes herself away.
Carol: Joe, we’ve got to stop this right now before it goes any further.
Joe: I couldn’t agree more.
Both pant. Joe pushes the things on his table onto the floor, grabs Carol and lays her down the table. They kiss. Joe stops and walks out to the hangar.
Joe: What am I doing?
Carol: Joe, stop feeling so guilty.
Carol follows him.
Carol: I’m partly to blame here, too.
Joe: Huh, don’t be so hard on yourself. I’m sure you just tripped, fell, and landed on my lips. It could happen to anyone.
Carol: I’m sorry. Are you still angry with me?
Joe marches up to Carol and attacks her.
Brian enters the office.
Brian: Hey, guys?
Joe pushes Carol away.
Joe: Out here, Brian.
Joe runs, takes a seat and even puts his leg up on the table. Carol leans on a tool cabinet.
Brian enters the hangar.
Brian: Hey. What happened to your desk?
Joe: My desk?
Joe: Oh, uh, I was just polishing it.
Brian: Ah, it’s so nice and shiny. Mom would’ve been proud.
Joe: Oh, I don’t know.
Brian approaches Carol.
Brian: Hi, there. Hey, I got a can of those little smoked oysters I know you like so much.
Carol: Ooh, yum, yum.
Brian: Hey, Joe, Joe, I wanna thank you for what you did.
Joe: I didn’t do anything. Why would I do something?
Brian: Come on, you took my flight for me, and I appreciate it.
Joe: Oh, that. Right. Yeah, hey, anytime. Uh, which reminds me. I gotta go do my flee fright—uh, my free flight—I—I gotta go.
Brian leads Carol out the hangar.
Brian: Hey, carol, you got a paperclip on your back.
Brian closes the door behind him. Helen comes out of a locker, shocked, eating a slice of pizza.
Later that night, the airport is empty and Joe is sipping his coffee at the lunch counter when Fay arrives.
Fay: Good night, Joe. And thanks again for letting me work at Sandpiper Air.
Joe: You’re welcome, Fay, but you don’t have to say that to me every night. You’ve got the job.
Fay: Oh, um, well, in that case, I’d like a dental plan. I’m kidding. Sort of.
Joe: Good night.
Fay leaves. Lowell approaches Joe.
Lowell: Well, she’s all locked up, Joe. Just catch the front door on your way out.
Joe: Ok, Lowell. Good night.
Lowell: Everything ok, Joe?
Joe: Well, actually, I’ve got a little problem. But, hey, everyone has problems.
Lowell: Not like yours. Listen, Joe, if you and Brian wanna date each other, well it’s your own business, but before you give up on the fairer sex. Give Roy a call. A nicer gal, you won’t find anywhere.
Lowell smiles, gives Joe a pat then leaves. Brian arrives.
Brian: Lowell just gave me a really weird look.
Joe: How could you tell? Hey—hey, what are you doing here? I thought you went to dinner with Carol.
Brian: Nah, I just dropped her off. She said she did something to her back today.
Joe: Yeah, that could happen.
Brian: Joe, I want you to know how much I appreciate you being such a great sport about all this.
Joe: Uh, Brian, listen. There’s something I—I’ve gotta—
Brian: Joe, Joe, Joe, Joe. If Carol and I do get back together, maybe we can add a room onto the house.
Joe: Brian, listen to me.
Brian: Of course, eventually we’ll have to move into something a little bigger once the little ones start arriving. I’d kind of like a girl.
Joe: Brian, please—
Brian: Wait, wait, wait. What do you think—what do you think about names? I’m kind of partial to Doraldine.
Brian: Ah, but there’ll be like six other Doraldines in her class. But I--
Joe: Brian, how ‘bout you shut up for God’s sake? Brian—Carol made a pass at me today.
Brian: I don’t believe you.
Joe: Brian, it’s true and what’s worse is, I passed back.
Brian: Hmm. Well, that part I believe. Oh, boy. Oh, this must be real sweet for you, huh? Yeah, you couldn’t wait to take your revenge, could you? So—so, when did you start planning this, huh? When you heard that she was coming back to Nantucket? Or didn’t it occur to you until you saw that I was happy?
Brian forces Joe to turn around.
Joe: That’s not true!
Brian: Yeah, it is true!
Joe: Brian, Carol made the first move.
Brian: Now, you shut up!
Joe: Look, six years ago she left me and went after you. Six months ago, she left you and—and went after some other guy. Why is it so hard to believe?
Brian: Because it’s different this time! I know it is.
Joe: Brian, I just want to see you get hurt again.
Brian: Hey, if you don’t wanna get hurt, you stay away from her.
Brian walks away. Joe follows him.
Helen knocks on Carol’s door.
Helen: Hello, Carol.
Carol: W-w-w-what do you want? Helen, isn’t it?
Helen: Very good. Aren’t you gonna invite me in?
Helen pushes the door and lets herself in.
Helen: Thank you.
Carol: What do you want?
Helen: No, the question is what do you want? Haven’t you screwed up the Hackett boys’ life enough for one lifetime?
Carol: Have you been drinking?
Helen: I’ve had four glasses of Chianti with my spaghetti. And I had three helpings of that, if you must know.
Carol: Ah, well, that would explain that attractive spaghetti sauce stain on your sweater then.
Helen: Oh, yeah, I accidentally bounced a meatball off my left breast.
Helen tries to wipe the stain off her sweater.
Carol: I want you to leave.
Helen: Well, the feeling is mutual.
Helen makes her way to the door, but closes it instead of leaving.
Helen: Where do you get off not remembering who I am? We were in every school production together. You were always the star of the show, and I played the cello down in the pit. If that isn’t a metaphor for something. You even signed my yearbook.
Helen opens her yearbook and shows a page to Carol.
Carol: “I’ll never forget you. Love, Carol.” That’s you? You were the fat, little cellist down in the pit!
Helen starts jumping for joy.
Helen: Yes, yes! That was me! You remember! So, how you been?
Carol: So, that’s what this is all about? Oh, yes, I remember you. You always hated me, ‘cause Brian and Joe were interested in me and not you.
Helen: You’re crazy. There was plenty of other reasons to hate you.
Carol: But that was the big one, wasn’t it? And apparently, things haven’t changed. Oh, it must be so frustrating for you. I mean, in one day, I have the boys falling all over each other. Something you haven’t been able to accomplish in 10 years.
Helen jumps Carol from behind and locks her arm around her neck. Carol shouts.
Helen: I bet you remember me now!
Carol screams. The two struggle and fall on the bed. Carol pins Helen down. There’s a knocking on the door. Helen pushes Carol and they fall on the floor. Helen pins Carol down. The knocking turns into a banging. Carol wrestles Helen. Brian enters the rooms, sees the two women wrestling and runs to stop them.
Brian: Hey, Carol! Hey!
Joe enters and grabs Helen away from Carol.
Brian: Helen, what is goin’ on here?
Carol: She’s drunk!
Joe lifts Helen.
Joe: Have you been drinking, Helen?
Helen: I had a little wine with dinner.
Joe puts Helen down.
Joe: Now, what is all this about?
Helen: Well, look who’s asking the questions. I could ask you a real doozy, lover-boy. And so could your brother—
Helen: If he knew.
Joe: I’ve already told Brian. What do you know about it?
Helen: Aw, I saw you two pawing each other. I bet you never guessed there would be someone sitting in those lockers eating pizza. She was all over him like syrup on pancakes. Ooh, that sounds good. Does this place have room service? I’ll go check.
Helen leaves and closes the door behind her.
Brian: Oh, how could you do this to me?
Carol: Brian, I am so sorry to hurt you. It’s just, I feel like I’m being torn apart. I mean, half of me wants you and all the craziness that goes with you, but—but the other half wants Joe, so strong and solid.
Brian: You can have the half of her that cooks.
Joe: How could you joke about this?
Brian: Because it’s what I do.
Carol: This isn’t fair to either one of you. I have to make a decision. I know that. Could you just give me a minute, ‘cause I can’t think straight.
Carol goes to the bathroom.
Brian: We’ll know soon enough, eh?
Joe: Would you listen to yourself? She’s in there deciding which one of us she’s gonna pick. Like we’re a—we’re a couple of melons on a fruit stand. Well, I’m taking myself out of the running and if you have any dignity at all, you’ll do the same.
Brian: Mmm, dignity was never my strong suit.
Joe: Look what she is doing to us, Brian. The last time she came between us, we didn’t speak for six years. Now, I don’t want that to happen again, do you?
Joe: Well, one of us has been upfront with you. One of us has told you the truth. And only one of us really cares about you.
Brian: Just my luck it’s you. Oh, oh, you’re right. Oh, this woman is poison to us.
Joe: Pure Strychnine. We’re men, Brian.
Joe: Let’s act like men.
Brian: Right you are, Joseph as far as she’s concerned, we’re not interested.
Brian and Joe shake hands. Carol steps out of the bathroom.
Carol: Well, there’s no gracious way to do this, so, uh, I pick Brian.
Brian: Yes! Yes! All right! Yes!
Joe tries to calm Brian down by shaking him..
Joe: Melons, Brian, Melons.
Brian: Ok, ok, ok. I’m sorry, Carol. I’m not interested.
Carol: I see. And what about you, Joe? Are you rejecting me, too?
Joe looks at Carol with longing.
Brian: Joe? Joe, she’s talking to you.
Brian grabs Joe and moves him away from Carol.
Brian: Now, what is wrong with you? You’re as bad as I am.
Joe: You’re right.
Brian: For crying out loud.
Joe: You’re right. Let’s face it. Neither one of us has the prunes to break up with her. It’s gonna have to be a team effort.
Brian: We have to tell her that we can’t see her anymore. Let’s do it.
Joe and Brian hold hands and grunts.
Joe: Carol, we can’t see you anymore.
Brian: Yeah, you’re no good for us.
Carol: What’s going on?
Joe: Oh sure, we had some great times together and those memories will always be cherished memories for us.
Brian: Hey, hey, hey, you remember the first time we saw her?
Joe: Our hearts skipped a beat.
Brian: Now’s the time to say good-bye. We’re breakin’ up with you Carol.
Brian and Joe make their way for the door.
Joe: And please, please don’t try to stop us.
Brian opens the door.
Joe: Good-bye, Carol.
Brian: Good-bye, Carol.
Carol leans on her bed.
Carol: Well, you both know what you’re missing.
Brian and Joe scoff. Joe leaves. Brian stays and continues to scoff. Joe drags him out.
Carol closes the door. Someone knocks. Carol partially removes her robe.
Carol: I knew it.
Carol opens the door.
Helen: Good news. They do have room service. Do you want to see the dessert menu?
Helen smashes a pie on Carol’s face. Helen wipes some frosting off Carol’s face and tastes it.
This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Return to Nantucket Part 2” episode was written by David Angell. Wings is owned by CBS Studios Inc., Paramount Pictures and Grub Street Productions.
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