Tuesday, August 28, 2007

Jack the Giant Killer - Three's Company Transcript 1.5

A brute sailor picks a fight with Jack TripperChrissy Snow watches Janet hammer a tack on the couch.
Chrissy: Hey, that’s pretty good.
Janet: Yeah, that’s the first nail I hit today that wasn’t my own.

Janet gets up.

Janet: Ok, let’s do the other end.
Chrissy: Okay.
Janet: Now we have to pull it really tight or else it won’t hold the springs, okay?
Chrissy: Okay.
Janet: Give a heave.   Continue reading...

Janet and Chrissy pull the cloth and give out a straining sound.

Chrissy: Okay, it’s a good thing we’ve got a man living with us; otherwise, we’d have to do the heavy work ourselves.
Janet: Wait a minute, wait, wait, wait.

Janet moves beside Chrissy.

Janet: We have to pull together, okay?
Chrissy: All right.
Janet: Okay go!

The two girls pull the cloth with all their might and both fall down on the floor. They laugh as Jack enters the house.

Jack: Lying down on the job again, huh? The moment my back is turned the workers start goofing off.

Chrissy gets up.

Chrissy: Where have you been? You were supposed to help us fix this couch instead of out riding your bike.
Jack: I was doing it for you.
Janet: For us?
Jack: Well sure, I have to keep in shape don’t I, to protect you two? Ol’ watch dog Jack, that’s me.
Janet: Well, old watch dog Jack was supposed to be back here an hour ago to help.
Jack: I know, I would have been, but as I was coming home I saw a bicycle in front of me with a girl on it.
Chrissy: Ah ha.
Jack: That ‘Ah ha” was uncalled for. The only reason I noticed her at all was because her seat was jiggling all over the place.
Chrissy: Oh ho ho! So naturally you had to follw her, right?
Jack: Well, sure I was worried about her. A loose seat can be very dangerous.
Janet: Especially with you behind it.
Jack: That was unworthy of you, Janet.
Chrissy: I thought it was very good.
Janet: Thank you.
Jack: Anyway, I stopped her and I fixed her seat.
Chrissy: How about getting behind this couch and helping us fix it, huh?
Jack: No sweat. Are you girls lucky you got a man around this house. Now watch and learn.

Jack goes over to one end of the couch and gets a hold of the cloth.

Jack: Hammer, please.

Janet hands over the hammer.

Jack: Tacks.

Chrissy gives him the tacks.

Chrissy: Okay.
Jack: Not just one, give me a whole handful.
Chrissy: Yes, but wouldn’t it be easier if I held them?
Jack: Haven’t you ever seen the way a real upholsterer works? One at a time is a waste of time.

Jack puts in his mouth the tacks.

Chrissy and Janet: Careful!

Jack with a mouthful of tacks starts mumbling. He takes a tack from his mouth and starts hammering.

Jack: There, see how easy that is?
Chrissy: How can you talk so clearly with all those tacks in your mouth?
Jack: I don’t have –

Jack starts to gag and the girls start to panic. Chrissy quickly goes to the phone to call for help.

Janet: I’ll get you some water.
Jack: No water, the tacks will get rusty.

Jack shows them the remaining tacks are in his hands and starts laughing.

Chrissy: Oh!

Janet and Chrissy hit Jack with a pillow.
Downstairs, Mr. Roper sits on a chair with one finger in his mouth and starts moaning.

Mr. Roper: Oh, my tooth!

A thumping sound can be heard from the ceiling.

Mr. Roper: What’s all that thumping going on up there?
Mrs. Roper: They’re redecorating, Stanley.
Mr. Roper: What for? I already redecorated.
Mrs. Roper: You did a very nice job, too, but I think the styles have changed since 1947.
Mr. Roper: It was two years ago. I remember perfectly because your mother was visiting.
Mrs. Roper: Well, I don’t see how anything could get that grubby in two years.
Mr. Roper: Don’t look at me; it’s your mother.
Mrs. Roper: There, there it is Stanley, look, look. How would you like to see me coming to bed in that?

Mrs. Roper hands to Mr. Roper the magazine she was browsing.

Mr. Roper: A golf cart?
Mrs. Roper: The other page, stupid, the red see-thru nightie.
Mr. Roper: You’d look better in the golf cart.
Mrs. Roper: That’s the trouble with you, Stanley, you wouldn’t even notice if I came to bed wearing nothing.
Mr. Roper: Oh, you’re wrong there. I’d be the first to complain.

Their conversation was interrupted with Mr. Roper’s aching tooth.

Mrs. Roper: Oh, why don’t you go see your dentist?
Mr. Roper: What for?
Mrs. Roper: Because your toothache is giving me a pain.
Mr. Roper: Then you go see the dentist.
Mrs. Roper: The place I got a pain, you don’t see a dentist.
Mr. Roper: All right I’ll go. I’ll go tomorrow.
Mrs. Roper: Yeah, you wait much longer and you’ll be able to mail your teeth in.
Mr. Roper: Oh, that’s cute, that’s cute, Helen, the way you’ll step on a guy when he’s down.
Mrs. Roper: Look, Stanley, do me a favor and take a couple of aspirin.
Mr. Roper: A couple of aspirin won’t stop this pain.
Mrs. Roper: Then take the whole bottle.
Mr. Roper: That could kill me. You’d like that, wouldn’t you? Ms. Merry Widow.
Mrs. Roper: Only joking, Stanley. But as long as your looking through that catalog, would you see if that nightie come sin black?

At the last remark, Mr. Roper fakes a toothache.
Upstairs, the three finish fixing the couch, turn it over and set it down.

Jack: Let it down, let it down, let it down.

Both Janet and Chrissy release the couch.

Janet: How’s that?
Jack: Pick it up, pick it up, pick it up! It’s on my foot!
Janet & Chrissy: Oh!

Jack dances in pain.

Janet: Oh, Jack, oh, Jack, we’re sorry. Are you all right?
Jack: Oh, fine, nine toes are more than enough for anybody.
Janet: Oh.
Chrissy Oh, are you okay?
Jack: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
Janet: Well, all right then, let’s try it out.

Janet sits on the couch.

Janet: Oh, hey, this is really firm now and comfortable.
Jack: Well, what do you expect when you got a man who knows how to put things together –

Jack sits beside Janet and he gets eaten by the couch. The two girls laugh at him.

Janet: Okay, get up. Come on, let’s get it right. Up, up, up!
Jack: Relax, will you, coach? I would hate to work for you in your flower shop. I bet you’ve got all the daisies standing at attention.
Chrissy: He’s right, Janet, it’s Saturday. I’d really like to get out.
Jack: Janet, it’s our one day off.
Janet: Come on, come on, come on.
Jack: We have to have some time to –
Janet: We agreed we were going to work on the apartment this weekend.
Jack: All right, well, I’ve had it with this couch.
Janet: Okay, then we’ll do the wallpaper. Show it to him, Chrissy.
Jack: This should be a thrill.

Chrissy hands Jack the wallpaper.

Chrissy: What do you think of this?
Jack: It’s kinda plain, isn’t it?
Chrissy: That’s the back.
Jack: I knew that.
Jack: I like the back better.
Janet: Alright, you two, now let’s get to work. I will even give you a choice: fixing the couch or putting up the wallpaper.
Chrissy: Or going to the pub.
Jack: I pick that one.
Chrissy: Let’s go.
Jack: Moving out.
Janet: Oh, hey, wait for me.

At the Regal Beagle, Jeff tells a story to a guy at the bar.

Jeff: So, once we got past the breakwater, I said to her, I said, “What do you say you and me go below and mess around?”
Guy: Hey, that smooth talk gets them every time.
Jeff: She also knew it was a long swim back to shore.
Guy: What happened to her boyfriend?
Jeff: he’s probably still swimming.

The three arrive at the Regal Beagle.

Janet: Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, let’s get one thing straight. This is just a little work break. We’re not going to spend a whole night here.
Jack: Relax, will you? She’s such a slave driver. Look, we’ll just have a couple of beers and then we’ll go back. You can work on the walls and Chrissy and I’ll get on the sofa.
Chrissy: What?!
Jack: To work.
Chrissy: Let’s grab this table.

The two girls sit at the table, while Jack gets their drinks.

Janet: Boy, you know what Jack’s trouble is? He’s just plain lazy.
Chrissy: All men are like that; it’s in their genes.

At the bar, Jim the bartender hands Jack the three mugs of beer.

Jack: Thanks, Jim.

Jack gives his order to the barmaid.

Jack: Oh, yeah, they’d like two egg salads on white and I’ll have a chicken sandwich on wheat toast.

Jack goes over to their table with the mugs of beer as Jeff and the guy watch the three.

Jeff: Aw, ain’t that a shame? That poor guy got stuck with two broads. I think I’ll do him a favor.
Guy: You got a good heart.
Jeff: Yeah, just watch the old pro in action.

Jack, Janet and Chrissy chat.

Jack: Janet, look, fixing the couch is a man’s job.
Janet: What?
Jack: Sure, men are just naturally stronger than women.
Janet: Oh, here we go.
Jack: All through the ages, men have been the builders, the protectors, the hewers of wood, while women have sat at home learning how to put on eye shadow.
Chrissy: Oh, come on.

Jeff goes over to their table, swiftly shoves Jack and places himself between Jack and Chrissy.

Jeff: Hi, honey, buy you a drink?
Chrissy: Oh, no thanks.
Janet: Go ahead, Jack, we’re really interested

Jack almost falls off his seat as Jeff continues to squeeze in.

Jack: Oh, excuse me, well what I meant was you just can’t ignore the physical differences of –
Jeff: You know I’ve always been partial to blondes.
Chrissy: That’s nice. Have you thought about getting yourself a cocker spaniel?
Jeff: Hey, you don’t know what you’re missing.
Chrissy: Why don’t you take a walk?!
Jeff: I’ve got a 35-foot cabin cruiser.
Chrissy: All right, take a cruise. Go ahead, Jack.

Chrissy tries to lean in closer to the table hoping to get Jeff out of her way.

Jack: Well, what I meant was is that men are physically stronger than the – than the –

Jeff leans in closer to Chrissy.

Jeff: Hey listen. Are you with anybody?
Chrissy: I am with him!

Chrissy points at Jack.

Jeff: Him?

Jeff stands up, looks at Jack and laughs.
Jack: Huh? Oh well yes, in a sense, I mean we’re all together.
Jeff: Hey Sonny, do me a favor, butt out.

Jack gets up his chair.

Jack: Listen, I think I should warn you –
Jeff: And I think I should warn you, the last guy who warned me about something got all his teeth knocked out.
Jack: Oh, well, I wouldn’t want that to happen.

Jack sits down.

Jack: My father paid a fortune for my braces.

The guy at the bar tries to get his friend to get back to the bar.

Guy: Come on, Jeff, come on, you haven’t finished your drink.
Jeff: Yes, right, right. I’ll be back here tomorrow, babe, but don’t bring him along. He frightens me.

Jeff laughs out loud and goes back to the bar.

Jack: Well, I didn’t want to cause a scene.
Chrissy: No, no sense in that.
Jack: No.
Janet: You were perfectly right, Jack.
Jack: I wasn’t scared or anything, he just –
Janet: Hey, you did the right thing. You stood up to him.
Chrissy: Yes! And then you sat down again. I mean that you didn’t want to cause a scene.

Mrs. Roper and Mr. Roper enter the pub.

Mrs. Roper: Oh hi kids!
Chrissy: Hi!
Janet: Hi there!

Mrs. Roper and Mr. Roper go over the bar.

Mr. Roper: I’m in agony, Helen. This tooth is killing me. But does anybody feel sorry for me?
Mrs. Roper: yes, Stanley, you do. Hey Jim! Give him a brandy, will you?
Jim: Sure.
Mr. Roper: I don’t know if I can open my lips wide enough to drink it.
Mrs. Roper: Could you put it in a baby bottle?
Jim: Your mouth giving you trouble?
Mr. Roper: Not as much as hers.
Jim hands Mr. Roper his drink. Jeff bumps into Mr. Roper and spills the drink.

Mrs. Roper: Oh!
Mr. Roper: You clumsy idiot! Why don’t you watch where you put your elbows, stupid. Where do all of these stupid people come from, anyway?

Jeff gets off his seat and confronts Mr. Roper.

Jeff: Stupid?
Mr. Roper: Yeah.
Jeff: You’re absolutely right, pop. Barkeep, give my friend here another brandy. We just made an important discovery. We just found a man in this joint.

Jeff moves away from Mr. Roper and gives Jack a quick gloating look.

Jeff: Makes me feel real good to see a little runt like you stick up for his rights.
Mr. Roper: Thank you.

Jeff and Mr. Roper toast. The barmaid brings over the food Jack ordered.

Barmaid: Let’s see you two are the egg salad –
Chrissy: Thank you.

The barmaid gives Chrissy and Janet their food then moves to give Jack his food.

Barmaid: And I believe you’re the chicken.

Back at the house, Janet is at the kitchen cutting cheese when Jack enters.

Janet: Good morning! I am all ready and waiting for my cooking lesson.
Jack: Your what?
Janet: You’re going to show me how to make a cheese omelet, remember?
Jack: Not today.
Janet: Oh, come on, Jack, please? Come on, the cheese is ripe. You’ll love it.

Janet gives Jack a cube of cheese.

Jack: What kind of a crack is that?
Janet: What?
Jack: Cheese. You mean I’m a mouse not a man. I get it. Well, I don’t blame you. Janet, Janet, you’ve got to take the plastic wrap off before you slice it. Don’t you know anything?
Janet: Gee whiz, what’s bugging you?
Jack: I was just thinking of what a coward I was last night.
Janet: You were not a coward.
Jack: I was yellow; let’s face it. I’ve got chicken in my blood.
Janet: Aw, come on Jack, cut it out.
Jack: Even the kids at school could spot it. Fat Kenny Jensen would threaten to beat me up every morning unless I gave him a nickel.
Janet: What did you do?
Jack: I put him through college.
Janet: Aw, come on, Jack. You did the right thing last night. Remember, he who fights and runs away, lives to fight another day.
Jack: Will you an it with the proverbs? Besides, I didn’t fight and run away. That’s the whole point.
Janet: Well, he who doesn’t fight and runs away, lives to run another day.
Jack: I’m going to shave.

Jack who still is in a bad mood leaves the kitchen.

Janet: Hey wait! Aren’t you going to show me how to make my omelet?
Jack: Me? I couldn’t even beat up an an egg.

Jack enters the bathroom, while Chrissy is still in the shower.

Chrisy: Who’s there?!
Jack: Oh, I’m sorry, Chrissy. I didn’t know you were in here.
Chrissy: I am taking a shower. Do you mind?
Jack: I won’t be a minute. I’ll just get my shaving stuff and split.
Chrissy: Hey, when are you going to fix the lock on that door?
Jack: Why don’t you call a man to do it?
Chrissy: We’ve got a man, you.
Jack: Thanks for the vote of confidence.
Chrissy: hey, you can’t see through this curtain, can you?
Jack: No, that’s why I bought this can. It dissolves plastic instantly.

Jack sprays the shower curtain with shaving cream.

Chrissy: Jack! I am warning you! If you –
Jack: Chrissy, Chrissy. I am so down this morning; I couldn’t even raise a smile.
Chrissy: Why?
Jack: Do you think I’m a coward?

Chrissy peeps from the shower.

Chrissy: Oh, come on! Don’t take it so seriously. I mean, you did the right thing not doing anything. I mean, if you would have done something, he would have done something, and you wouldn’t be able to do anything, would you?
Jack: What?!
Chrissy: Will you forget about last night? We don’t think badly of you. We like you just the way you are, with the face and everything.

Jack goes over to Chrissy to kiss her, but Chrissy quickly snaps close the shower curtain.
Down at the Ropers’, Mr. Roper face the mirror, while he gives his reflection several air punches.

Mr. Roper: Pow! Pow! Pow, pow, pow, pow!
Mrs. Roper: Oh, here’s your Sunday breakfast, Stanley.
Mr. Roper: Look, Helen. I still got it! Where? Where?

Mrs. Roper runs closer to Mr. Roper.

Mr. Roper: You saw how I stood up to him, eyeball to eyeball.
Mrs. Roper: Eyeball to navel, you mean.
Mr. Roper: He was shaking, Helen.
Mrs. Roper: He was trying to control his laughter, Stanley.
Mr. Roper: He apologized.
Mrs. Roper: Yes, he was afraid of what might happen if he hit you.
Mr. Roper: I know what would have happened.
Mrs. Roper: Yeah, I know what would have happened too. I’d have been able to buy that black nightgown after all.

Mr. Roper’s tooth starts to ache.

Mr. Roper: Ow! See what you did? You brought the pain back.
Mrs. Roper: Oh, I’m sorry, Stanley. I thought you were very brave last night.
Mr. Roper: Thank you. Where’s the Sunday paper?
Mrs. Roper: Oh, it hasn’t come yet.
Mr. Roper: Maybe I made the sports page.
Mrs. Roper: Or the funnies.

Upstairs, Jack is reading the paper at the kitchen when the two girls arrive.

Jack: Hahaha! That’s funny, really funny.
Chrissy: Any coffee left?
Jack: Yeah.
Janet: Hey, how come we got the Sunday paper delivered? We don’t have a subscription.
Chrissy: Well, I don’t know. I heard it land on the front balcony this morning so I went out and got it.
Janet: Oh.
Chrissy: You know, that paperboy was so thoughtful. He waited for me to bend over and pick it up before he rode away.
Janet: You enjoying the funnies, Jack?
Jack: Yeah.
Janet: Oh. That’s good. I’m glad you found something that could take your mind off last night.
Jack: There’s this little guy, you see, and he’s being tormented by his foreman who’s this big bully and over here, the little guy dumps a can of paint on the bully’s head –
Jack laughs through gritted teeth.

Jack: Why couldn’t I have done that?
Chrissy: Because you can’t draw.
Janet: Besides, it’s pretty hard to find a can of paint in a pub.
Jack: All over the world, little guys are standing up to tyrants, but not me.
Chrissy: Well, I hate violence. In fact, my father always told us in his sermons, “He who lives by the sword, shall die by the sword.”
Jack: Yeah, well you can tell your father that if I had been David, Goliath would still be alive today.

Door bell rings.

Janet: Come on, Jack, will you stop putting yourself down?

Jack gets up to get the door.

Jack: If I had any guts, I would have wrung his neck. I would have stood up to him and torn him apart.

Jack tears the newspaper.
Jack opens the door to see Mr.Roper.

Mr. Roper: Good morning. I was wondering if my Sunday paper was delivered here by mistake?

Jack who’s still holding the funnies hides the paper behind his back.

Jack: Your Sunday paper?
Mr. Roper: Yeah. You know I love to look at the funnies over breakfast, especially “Andy Capp”. Now there’s a guy that knows how to treat the women. He cracks me up.

Jack shows Mr. Roper the torn funnies section.

Jack: Ah, well, here’s most of him.
Mr. Roper: Why would anybody do this to Andy Capp?
Jack: Oh, Mr. Roper, it was an accident.
Mr. Roper: Where’s the rest of the paper?
Jack: Hmm? Well, I think it’s in the uh. Excuse me, I think it’s right in here.

Jack runs to the kitchen.

Jack: Roper’s paper…

The girls spilled coffee all over the Sunday paper.

Jack: Oh, my Lord, what happened?
Janet: Roper? I knocked the coffee pot over.
Jack: Well, he’s right out there.

Mr. Roper enters the kitchen.

Mr. Roper: Listen, will you hurry? I got to –

Janet tries to shake off the coffee from the paper and hands Mr. Roper the soaking newspaper.

Janet: It was an accident.
Mr. Roper: What am I supposed to do with this?
Chrissy: Well, uhm. Maybe if Mrs. Roper put it in the dryer?
Mr. Roper: You ruined my Sunday! I hope you realize that.
Jack: Mer. Roper, we’re really sorry. Look, to make up for it, why don’t I buy you a beer down at the pub tonight?
Janet: You’re not going to go down to the pub again tonight –
Jack: What?
Janet: Uh, Oh, Hey! I was just thinking it would be so great to stay home and relax.
Chrissy: Oh, yeah.
Mr. Roper: Oh, oh, I heard about you and that fellow. You know, he never should have picked on somebody like you.
Jack: What’s that supposed to mean?
Mr. Roper: Well, you could never get into a fight. It would ruin your nails.
Chrissy: You know, Jack did the right thing! Fighting’s uncivilized!
Janet: Yeah!
Chrissy: You know, if women ran the world there’d be none of these stupid wars.
Mr. Roper: Yes, all the countries would nag each other to death.
Jack: Say, uh, Mr. Roper.
Mr. Roper: Yes, Tinkerbell?
Jack: I’m Jack. My name is Jack.
Mr. Roper: Oh, I’m sorry, Jack.

Mrs. Roper arrives.

Mr. Roper: Oh, Helen, Helen, listen.
Mrs. Roper: Stanley.
Mr. Roper: I was just telling all the girls here that if they need protection they know where to come.

Mr. Roper shows off his masculinity with jabs in the air.

Mrs. Roper: Oh yeah. Look, Stanley, I finally got your dentist on the phone and he says he can take you right now.
Mr. Roper: Oh, oh.
Mr. Roper’s tooth starts to ache again.

Mrs. Roper: Oh, no. He says it’s very simple. One quick yank –

Mr. Roper gives off a frightened yell.

Mrs. Roper: oh, now, don’t you fuss. If you’re good he’ll probably give you a lollipop.

Mr. and Mrs. Roper leave the apartment.
The three arrive at the Regal Beagle.

Jack: Three beer’s, Jim. No wait. Make mine a whiskey.
Janet: Boy, this is so crazy coming here. What’s he trying to prove, anyway?
Chrissy: Oh, I know what he’s up to. See, if that big creep hits him and puts him in the hospital, he won’t be around to help us redecorate.

Jack takes a sip at his whiskey.

Jack: Ahhhh.

Jack makes a face out of disgust, but quickly regains his compsure.

Jack: Has Kong been in here tonight?
Jim: No, I don’t think he’ll be around tonight.
Jack: Oh, good. I mean good for him, I mean.

Jack goes over to Chrissy and Janet with the drinks.

Chrissy: Hey, let’s just drink up and get out of here really quick, just in case, okay?
Jack: Chrissy, a man’s got to do. What a man’s got to do.

Jack gobbles down the shot of whiskey and irks.

Janet: John Wayne rides again.

Jack gives out a girlish squeal.

Chrissy: You know, Janet and I will respect you a lot more if you don’t fight him. It will show that you are more a man than he is.
Jack: More a man, really?
Chrissy: Yes.
Jack: Well, if he comes up and apologizes I might let him off the hook, after all, I am a civilized kind of –

Jeff enters the pub.

Chrissy: There he is.
Jack: Wha--?

Jack looks and finds Jeff at the bar.

Jeff: Two beers.

Jeff sees Jack and waves at him.

Jeff: Hello, sweetie!
Jack: That does it, he’s asking for it.
Janet: And you’re going to get it.
Chrissy: He only said hello.
Jack: Yeah, but the way he said it, “Hello, sweetie.”
Janet: Don’t go up there.
Jack: I’m going to order some sandwiches.
Janet: No, I will go. You stay right here.
Jack: If he starts anything, there’s going to be serious trouble.

Janet goes to the bar where Jeff sits.

Janet: Hi. I wanted to talk to you about my friend.
Jeff: Yeah, she’s neat. The four of us could have a good time. Do you want me to get rid of that jerk for you?
Janet: The jerk is the friend I was talking about. He’s going to knock your block off.

Janet and Jeff laugh. Jack gets off his chair.

Jack: Oh, that does it.
Chrissy: He’s only laughing. I mean Janet is funny sometimes, you know?
Jack: Well, why isn’t he laughing now?

Jack goes to the bar and pulls Janet away from Jeff.

Jack: Is he insulting you?
Janet: No.
Jack: Well, he insulted you and Chrissy last night and well –
Jeff: Well what?
Jack: Well, I think, you know, you owe someone an apology.
Jeff: What?
Jack: Hey man, you behaved like a creep in here last night, insulting women, spoiling people’s evenings out, knocking drinks over.

Jack accidentally knows over Jeff’s mug of beer.

Jack: Oh, I’m really sorry –
Jeff: Listen –
Jack: No, I’m not sorry! I’m glad I did that and I got a suggestion for you, big man. Why won’t you bug out, leave, vamoose, or I’ll waa!

Jack makes out a kung fu move.

Jeff: Okay, okay, I’m sorry. Just don’t get mad.

Jeff and his friend gets out of his way.

Jack: Is he gone?
Janet: He sure is. You were fantastic.
Chrissy: Jack, you were terrific.

Jack still stands in a kung fu position.

Chrissy: Come on, let’s go back to the table and finish our drink.
Jack: I don’t think I can move.

Janet and Chrissy help him stand up straight.

Jack: Okay, okay.

On their way back to the table, Jack trips.
Jim goes over to their table and gives Jack a drink.

Jim: Here you go Jack on the house.
Jack: Oh, thanks.
Jim: Hey, I didn’t know about that steel plate in your head.

Janet looks away to try and hide her face from Jack.

Jack: What plate?
Jim: The one you got saving your platoon in Vietnam?
Jack: Viet--? Janet.
Janet: Oh well, I kind of told that to the creep so he’d think twice before killing you.
Jack: Thanks a lot, now I feel like a fool.
Chrissy: Oh well, you shouldn’t. You were very brave.
Jack: Brave?
Chrissy: Well, yes, I mean, you stood up to that guy even though you thought he might murder you.
Jack: That’s true I did, didn’t I?
Janet: Oh, you sure did.
Jack: I guess I was a hero even if I didn’t go to Vietnam.

Jeff walks past by their table.

Jeff: What’s that?!
Jack: Cambodia. It was Cambodia. I had a grenade in my hand and –

Jack throws an imaginary grenade and falls off his chair as the two girls laugh at him.

This is not the actual script. This is my own transcription of the episode. The “Jack the Giant Killer” episode was written by Dennis Koenig and Larry Balmagia. Three’s Company is a registered Service Mark of Three’s Company (California Joint Venture of The NRW Company and T.T.C. Productions, Inc.)

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